I wish I had the camera but it's in the Dominican Republic with Jason and Emily. Jason took her along on a trip to introduce her, along with some other interested people, to some of his Compassion sites that serve moms and their babies. I sure hope they are taking a lot of pictures because there are plenty of pictures I could be taking here to document life as it passes.
You see, I'm "power nesting". Basically that means I have a short amount of time, free of most responsibilities except caring for Em's puppy, to get the baby's room ready. The problem is, it's kind of a slow process. It's slow because it's emotional. It's slow because I can't move furniture by myself...and besides, first I want to paint all the furniture. Noah's crib and changing table somehow have to appear "different" this time around. It's slow because I am finally going through all of the boxes that we packed up 3 years ago from Noah's room. Slow because even though I washed all the clothes that I chose to keep 3 years ago before I bagged and boxed them, for whatever reason I feel like I should wash them again...and washing your dead kid's laundry for your unborn child's use is really just weird. I know it's just stuff, and I'm certainly not emotionally tied to any of it. It's just surreal and at the same time, I wonder why I am doing it! Will it even get used?! #$%^&* Lord, please let it be used...and by this child who is on his way...
I am going to use the bedding I made for Noah's nursery because, well, I made it. And, it just didn't get that much use! I literally, LITERALLY, don't need one article of clothing from 0 to at least 9 months. In fact, as I finish diving into these insane amounts of laundry today, I'll be purging some of it because, even though it's cute and cuddly, new and hardly or not worn, the more clothes my kid has, the more laundry I'll have to do. And, obviously there are people in this world that need it way more than we do. We have plenty. Don't tell Em, but I'm purging her room before she returns from the Dominican Republic tomorrow, too!
Several people have asked if they could host a shower for me. I have declined. I just can't. Remember when your elementary teacher used to correct you and say, "Not can, but may." Well, I literally just cannot go there. The last shower thrown for me by my very dear friends was a beautiful time and I felt full being surrounded by such great women, but I went home from it with a bunch of treasures for a boy who never got to use them. I just cannot and will not do that again.
I am going to do a "Meet and Greet" type of thing after he is born, but that's about all my heart can take.
I recently saw a picture of a friend who had jumped off a cliff and bruised her hamstring. I am sure approaching the cliff was both exhilarating and filled with fearful anticipation. The fall was likely breath-taking. The impact...well, it left a bruise the size of her whole backside. But she survived it...bruise and all. Not sure if she'd do it again, but she would never know that if she hadn't taken the plunge in the first place.
So, here I am, in the midst of cliff diving. I'm pretty sure being 6 weeks away from my due date qualifies me for having already jumped.
I guess this is what life feels like in mid-air. No going back, just pressing on to impact.
I'm not a fan of free-falling. I like the feeling of security and knowing how it will turn out. However, I gave up those rights long ago when I chose to follow God's will for my life...not my own. Jesus didn't teach us to pray, "My kingdom come, my will be done." He specifically instructed us, "Your kingdom come, Your will be done."
Why, then, do we act so surprised, offended, or taken off guard when life doesn't roll like we planned it?
I may bruise my whole backside, but I'll swim to the shore and make it through this. We all will, regardless the size of the cliff from which we just jumped.