Monday, October 18, 2010

What I'm learning in 3rd grade

We are homeschooling this year...yes, you heard me right. We have an infant. We have a new puppy. I have my own business. I have a non-profit. I'm the director of women's ministry at my church. I'm a wife. I'm a mom. I'm a sister, daughter, friend. Yada, yada, yada.

...and...I look nothing like the woman described in Proverbs 31...

...because, may I remind you, she had a full-time staff...God's grace and her full-time staff are what made her amazing.

What makes me amazing? Nothing.

I listed those things above not to boast that I am amazing and all that and a bag of chips, but because I'm a real live woman just like you, doing too much at once, but loving every aspect, and simply doing the best that I can.

I do live by God's grace, however I do not have a full-time staff. I have a lot of awesome people in my life that help me with all the areas listed above, and that is how I am able to do all those things. Team. I'll be the first to admit I don't do any of those things on my own...

I'm not sayin' I do them well...I'm just sayin' I "do" them.

So, back to homeschooling...Em and I embarked on this journey about a month ago. Ryan's arrival put our start date out a bit...
  • We've both shed tears.
  • We've both wanted to throw in the towel.
  • We've both laughed hard.
  • We've both wanted to punch the other in the face. (not really, of course)
  • I've wondered if I made the right decision.
  • I've gone back to God with the "Are You sure You wanted me to do this?" prayer several times.
  • She's told me she loves school but is lonely.
  • I've had to be better at coordinating play dates...
I could list a lot of bullet points that could lead to a million different discussions. But this is what God has put upon my heart as we do this homeschool journey, one day at a time:

It is my job this year not to obsess about her academic excellence (as she is naturally brilliant...) but to learn to love her and love her well.

As soon as I changed gears in my heart that this was my job, the anxiety of the bigger picture went away. I was able to let go and trust, once again, that God is big. That He loves Em more than I do. That He's got the big picture and knows just exactly what Em needs this year. And that He has a plan for her life...and it's beautiful and designed with her gifts in mind.

As a mom who loves her children to the Universe and back, it gives me indescribable peace to know that God loves them more than that.

If your gut, aka God, has told you to do something that is not up your alley and harder than you ever dreamed, I just want to encourage you... really can do it. Not because you are Wonder Woman, but because God is big and is faithful to us, even when we feel like flaking.

I have never walked in your shoes. I've never sat where you sit or endured what you have, or will, endure. All I know is that as I'm learning to love Emily well, I am also learning more about God's love for me.

I'm learning that He is patient beyond what I deserve.

Many people wonder where God is, or was, when things here on earth are unbearable, confusing and painful beyond words. From my own experience God was in the middle of it, holding my heart, assuring me that life here is short and temporary...if I'll just hold on and trust that there is more life to come.


  1. We're homeschooling to for the first time this year. Thanks for the honest words, I've felt them (and my daughter) too. :)

  2. Good stuff there, Adrienne. I am seriously considering and praying about homeschooling my oldest when he gets to middle school. Yes, I still have almost 2 years, but it still feels so scary and intimidating! Good to hear that you are walking it out faithfully and successfully!

  3. So your comment "God loves Emily more than I do" really hit home. Not that I haven't had this thought before, I've thought of it often - but it's been awhile! I had a lovely 'moment' of sitting back and just breathing without any stress after reading that comment. I'm not in this alone, I don't have to worry this all out on my own, somebody WAY bigger than me has them and is steering them, lifting them, guiding them . . . thanks Ms. Adrienne for that awesome reminder.

  4. Beautiful post and congrats so much on your new baby!

  5. the thought is never far from my mind, and NEVER out of consideration. having been a vintage home schooler (my parents smashed the glass ceiling here in our neck of the woods), i know that it is a great gift to your children.

    be at peace sweet adrienne. God has big things in store in your school, i am sure!

  6. Thanks for posting this and for your encouraging words
    I needed to read this.
    I feel like my plate is too full lately too.
    I feel like I've taken something on that is too much....I know I can handle and enjoy most of it...but have an event and have to do something that is one of my biggest fears.
    So thanks for the reminder that God is faithful and that he will help me.
    I have no doubt that you are an awesome homeschool teacher. How awesome that God is teaching you to love your daughter more through it.
    I considered homeschooling our daughter when she was in kindergarten because she missed me so much and wanted to be at home....she cried most everyday at the beginning of the school year.

  7. TODAY we made the decision to pull our daughter out of public school and home school if/until we can afford an awesome private school near where we live.
    I can not tell you how much your words made me smile, cry, and feel like I AM being the best earthly mother to God's precious daughter here in my care. I look forward to reading more of your homeschooling posts.

    Thank you for being you and for being honest. You have changed my life in more ways than you'll ever know (lyme, pregnancy loss, raising a Godly daughter, loving unconditionally and honestly, and now, homeschooling....just to name a few!) and I am hopeful that one day, Lord willing, our paths will cross and I can thank you in person for being such an inspiration.