Sick to my stomach.
There's a pit deep in my guts that hurts and aches.
Part of it aches and mourns for the families of the sweet Kindies and staff in Connecticut who were brutally shot down by a guy who was really just another kid, only taller.
20 years old. What were you doing when you were 20? I was studying Spanish III, Humanities, and Major World Religions. I was laughing with friends, in the dorms, at the cafeteria, over at the gym. Every Thursday night I was leading a small group of girls in Bible study and prayer, just trying to figure out how to navigate college and life. I was heading out on date nights with my then boyfriend, now husband, and having girls’ night out with my 30 closest "BFF's". I was "being" 20.
Another part of my heart aches for all the "leftovers." I hate that fear and despair and nightmares and only memories and empty places at kitchen tables are now reality for some families on the East Coast. I hate that kids just lost their playground playmates.
Planning a funeral for your kid is a heart wrenching thing.
I also know what it's like to be in 3rd and 4th grade and lose friends. It sucks.
Our Country needs a priority check.
Last month people left and right were warring with words and signs and sentiments about how our Country needs change. I was physically sick some days in my guts, deep in the pit of my stomach, at how much hope and hopelessness was being placed, or not placed, in political figures and laws and policies, in humans. Really?
As if ONE MAN or WOMAN has that much power or influence...
Our World needs a priority check.
Tragedies happen like tsunamis and earthquakes and fires and floods and hurricanes, and shootings, and people join together to help for a time. Hug a little tighter, share possessions, wipe tears. And, from my observation and personal experience, fear then sets in. For some it is crippling to the point of isolation, for others it produces paranoia, still others violence as a protective measure. I’ve literally stared at my son for 2 years. I get it.
But the only knee-jerk reaction that we as a Country and as individuals need to take is the kind that bends our knees and bows our heads and hearts.
Because ONE MAN or WOMAN does have that much power and influence...to literally change the world. But it has to happen in our hearts first. It must happen with our knees physically bent, heads bowed, hearts laid bare before God, the ONLY ONE WHO CAN BRING HEALING IN THIS BROKEN WORLD.
We need a priority check that places God back as the number One priority.
I'm sick of the political "correctness" and spiritual "correctness" in our attempts to "build" bridges.
So far, the attempts have done nothing but bring out our ugliness. People are fighting for their right for this or that, freedom to do what they want, say what they will. The choice to do whatever, whenever, wherever, with whomever.
Me, me, me, me, me, me, me. But that's fine for you, you, you, you, you.
YES! ONE MAN or WOMAN does have that much power and influence, and we've seen it can be for either good or evil.
I think the words were, "Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven."
None of this is God's will. None of it is His wrath. Stop being pissed at Him. He has never stopped being good.
The shit hits the fan because we think we want to be in charge.
I know in my own life, it's not working for me...the part of me being in charge.
Our Country needs a knee-jerk reaction, that's for sure. But it's not for or against guns and it's not in a mass exodus towards homeschooling.
Every. Single. Knee. All of them. Both of mine.
Bending. Bowing. One man, one woman changing the world, two knees at a time.
We need revival.