Knee-Jerk Reaction

I'm nauseous. 

Sick to my stomach.

There's a pit deep in my guts that hurts and aches.

Part of it aches and mourns for the families of the sweet Kindies and staff in Connecticut who were brutally shot down by a guy who was really just another kid, only taller.  

20 years old.  What were you doing when you were 20?  I was studying Spanish III, Humanities, and Major World Religions.  I was laughing with friends, in the dorms, at the cafeteria, over at the gym.  Every Thursday night I was leading a small group of girls in Bible study and prayer, just trying to figure out how to navigate college and life.  I was heading out on date nights with my then boyfriend, now husband, and having girls’ night out with my 30 closest "BFF's".  I was "being" 20.

Another part of my heart aches for all the "leftovers."  I hate that fear and despair and nightmares and only memories and empty places at kitchen tables are now reality for some families on the East Coast.  I hate that kids just lost their playground playmates.  

Planning a funeral for your kid is a heart wrenching thing.  

I also know what it's like to be in 3rd and 4th grade and lose friends.  It sucks.

Our Country needs a priority check.

Last month people left and right were warring with words and signs and sentiments about how our Country needs change.  I was physically sick some days in my guts, deep in the pit of my stomach, at how much hope and hopelessness was being placed, or not placed, in political figures and laws and policies, in humans.  Really?  

As if ONE MAN or WOMAN has that much power or influence...

Our World needs a priority check.

Tragedies happen like tsunamis and earthquakes and fires and floods and hurricanes, and shootings, and people join together to help for a time.  Hug a little tighter, share possessions, wipe tears.  And, from my observation and personal experience, fear then sets in.  For some it is crippling to the point of isolation, for others it produces paranoia, still others violence as a protective measure.  I’ve literally stared at my son for 2 years.  I get it.

But the only knee-jerk reaction that we as a Country and as individuals need to take is the kind that bends our knees and bows our heads and hearts.

Because ONE MAN or WOMAN does have that much power and influence...to literally change the world.  But it has to happen in our hearts first.  It must happen with our knees physically bent, heads bowed, hearts laid bare before God, the ONLY ONE WHO CAN BRING HEALING IN THIS BROKEN WORLD.

We need a priority check that places God back as the number One priority.

I'm sick of the political "correctness" and spiritual "correctness" in our attempts to "build" bridges.  

So far, the attempts have done nothing but bring out our ugliness.  People are fighting for their right for this or that, freedom to do what they want, say what they will.  The choice to do whatever, whenever, wherever, with whomever.

Me, me, me, me, me, me, me.  But that's fine for you, you, you, you, you.

YES!  ONE MAN or WOMAN does have that much power and influence, and we've seen it can be for either good or evil. 

I think the words were, "Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven."

None of this is God's will.  None of it is His wrath.  Stop being pissed at Him.  He has never stopped being good.

The shit hits the fan because we think we want to be in charge.

I know in my own life, it's not working for me...the part of me being in charge.

Our Country needs a knee-jerk reaction, that's for sure.  But it's not for or against guns and it's not in a mass exodus towards homeschooling.

Every.  Single.  Knee.  All of them.  Both of mine.  

Bending.  Bowing.  One man, one woman changing the world, two knees at a time.

We need revival.

Lost in Translation

I'm kind of cranky about something.  It's been bothering me a while and not until I was able to listen to my 9 year old daughter's perspective on the whole thing, did it come full circle and make sense.

That's right.  I said a child taught me something.  They have so very much to teach us.  Are we watching, listening, learning, and applying it to our own lives?

Anyway, some organizations give out New Testaments.  Not entire Bibles, but just New Testaments.  In the same vein, some people only talk about Jesus.  Just Jesus.  They rarely mention the name, "God" and have forgotten entirely about that other important One, what's His name?  Oh yeah, the Holy Spirit.

For the most part, except for magazines, I read from the first page to the last one.  (I like to flip through a magazine backwards for whatever reason...)  So, I understand why sitting down in front of a Bible could be daunting.  Depending on the translation there are upwards of 1950 pages to digest.  That is a lot of pages.  And they aren't just pages filled with words but filled with stories of many historical events, people, places, not to mention Creation of the whole entire Universe and a whole heck of a lot of wars and prophecies yet to be fulfilled.  So, content is rich and thick.  It's not one of those books you just sit down to with a cup of tea and finish up over the weekend by a fire.

It's also not one of those books you read only once.  At least it isn't meant to be.

What I wonder is why some people are able to devour an entire series of pop culture books that are "all the rage" and recommend them highly to everyone on Facebook and Twitter, but when it comes to consuming the same amount of pages in the Bible, it sits there, unread, crisp and a little dusty?

I've read the Bible.  I've read it a few times.  It was my main textbook in college as a theology major.  And yes, when I became a Christian, I read the book of John first, the proceeded to read the rest of the New Testament before I read the Old Testament.  Because that's what some other people encouraged me to do.  And it's all worked out just fine.  So this concern of mine, it isn't life and death, per se...

But my beef is this:  Jesus said, "Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them."  (You can read the entire passage and context in Matthew 5:17-20)  So, for people who are ONLY reading the New Testament, there are so many things they are missing out on.  For example, the WHOLE REASON Jesus came in the first place.  And how do you know WHAT LAW He came NOT to abolish?  And how does a person know Jesus is the fulfillment of Biblical and historical prophecy if they only ever read the New Testament?

If you had tripped and fallen on some train tracks and were unable to get to your feet as a locomotive approached, you would be able to see it coming, hear its whistle, assess the situation, realize you need the train to put on its brakes which wouldn't occur in time for your cataclysmic encounter, so you would know with quite clarity that you need a rescuer.

Me:  Em, something has been bothering me lately.
Em:  What's that, Mom?
Me:  Well, some organizations give people New Testaments.  They don't give them the whole Bible.  What do you think about that?
Em:  Well, that's just lame.  I love the Old Testament!  I mean, you know my favorite story is Moses and the plagues.  And what about Joseph being sold into slavery?  Man, if people are only reading the New Testament they are really missing out!
Me:  Why do you think they are missing out?
Em:  Because even though the New Testament is about Jesus and Him saving us from sin and death, it's important to know what we've been saved from.
Me:  That's exactly what I'm talking about!
Me:  It's great that they are getting copies of the New Testament, for sure.  Don't get me wrong.  But why not just give a person the whole Bible and then encourage them with a reading plan of how to tackle the Big Book in bite sized pieces?
Em:  Yeah, I love the Old Testament!  It's my favorite!

Now, granted, some reading may think, "Well, I know what I've been saved from:  drugs, prostitution, addiction, abuse, a crazy childhood, a bad marriage, my own selfishness...."  Yes.  I get that.  Ditto.

But to have a bigger picture of the Grace which has been extended and offered freely to every. single. person. on. earth. we must not throw the baby out with the bath water.

Yeah, I get it.  There's some crazy stuff which is also difficult to understand in the Old Testament.  I'm going to be jotting down some of my personal thoughts on those here, soon.  If you are interested, come on back for more.

But Jesus isn't just the Cliff Notes.

He's the whole 9 yards.


*What are your thoughts on just handing people the New Testament?
*Do you think the message is lost without the bigger picture of the Bible as a whole?

Trekking Around the World

Remember this?

It's been a while.  I wouldn't expect you to, but I sure do.  One night, 5 years ago last November, we had gotten some yummy Chinese take-out and were sitting in Noah's room at The Children's Hospital.  As we finished up and started cracking open our fortune cookies, I grabbed one and said, "This one's for Noah."  If you can see in the picture, that's medical tape, the kind that used to keep tubes and crap attached to my sweet boy.  We used it for other things, as you can see.

At the time I remember thinking, "Oh how great it would be if You would heal Noah, God, and we could go all over the world (a lifetime dream of mine) and tell everyone of Your faithfulness, love and power."  This was my initial response to reading, "You will step on the soil of many countries."

It's because I had seen myself with a grown son...remember?  And so I naturally thought it was Noah...since he was my only son at the time and all.  And Noah did step on the soil of many countries, so to speak, just not physically with his two sweet little feet.  His blog hit every continent before he died, but that wasn't quite what I had been thinking...

Well, fast forward 5 years.  This post isn't about Noah.  It's about how my heart leaps out of my chest every time I see pictures of a sweet mama and her boy, so very much in love, who are on a journey.  It's about how I can't get them out of my mind, not because I want to, but because God continues to put them on my heart, all throughout the day.

I have mentioned him here before, but I'm asking you not to turn away.  I KNOW reading about a kid that is dying is nothing less than gut-wrenching.  It's HARD.  It SUCKS.  It's a volume of books filled with descriptive words that can't really describe the heartache.  I freaking GET IT!  It's why hundreds stopped reading my blog after Noah died.  I understand.  It's not as fun as Pinterest or Facebook or a hundred million other things.

But I'm literally begging you to let your heart pray for Jarrett, Chelsea, Peyton, Conner and Trek, as they set off on a journey of living life to the fullest, one day at a time.

You see, someone close to them contacted me to pray for them...she had read Noah's blog and couldn't stop thinking about some of the similarities.


Here is where my heart is wrecked.  We never wanted Noah to be stuck in a hospital bed his whole freaking life.  That was never our dream for him...but because of a whole hellofalotta reasons, we were stuck.  There were days I dreamed of stealing him out of the hospital and taking him home...but we couldn't because we didn't have home health care at the time.  It was a big mess.  The closest I got to showing him the world was this...whoopdefreakingdo!


Anyway, Chelsea's heart is living out what I wished I could have done with Noah. 


Am I living vicariously through them?  Only the freedom part...I lived all the rest already.

Either way, my heart is crying out for them to RUN, PLAY, LAUGH, CRY, REST, STARE, LISTEN, SING, NUGGLE, SMOOCH, HOLD ON and LET GO all at once. 


I pray for God's love to fill every corner of their lives with such fullness that this time in their lives will ever be etched in their hearts.


I hate what they are going through but if I had it to do over, which I don't wish for, but if I could go back, I'd run like hell out of that hospital and live whatever amount of time I had with my boy, free from the beeps and meds and tubes and tests and pokes and drugs and smells and unknowns. 


I'd run.

I don't despise what we went through, I do have to say, because 5 years later, I'm grateful to at least have the perspective that life is short.  It's time to live, today, right now, to the fullest.  Time and the people in our lives are literally gifts from God for our joy. 


It's time you, or someone you know, stop holding back.


Hug tighter.


Kiss longer.


Stare at your children.


Laugh your ass off.


Play on the floor with your kids.


Tell your husband you love him.

Tell him you are sorry.


Hold hands.


Turn off your freaking television.  Hell, throw the damn thing away.


Forgive.

Stop caring what others think of you.

Trust God sees the bigger picture.  Relinquish the control you think you need to have.


Smile.

Listen.

Play.

Dream.


Live in wonder.

Baby Trek Atlas may not physically touch the soil of many countries in his short life time, but the way he's living with his big brothers and mommy and daddy who adore him...well, he's experiencing more love than many do in a lifetime.  And, if you spend some time reading his mama's blog, I would venture to guess he'll have you looking around, wondering what matters, and making a few changes and tweaks to what is important. 

That's Trek, a 9.5 month old, teaching us a thing or two.  That's him stepping on the soil of many countries...

Life is short.  How will you spend it?

Head Over to "Confessions"...

Helping out at Big Sis' class before Christmas.

So BIG in Mexico eating guacamole.

Sitting on a big boy little chair at Bebe's house.

Celebrating 40 with my family.

Just hanging out, having a drink in the drawer after a hard day of walking.

I shared a bit about Ryan today on my "Confessions of a 2nd Grade Closet Eater" blog. 

That boy has been teaching me a ton!  I tell you what, if we slow down and pay attention to the sweet, simple things in life, the potential for learning is limitless!

"No Ordinary Child"

I am reading a book that I don't recommend for several reasons. I am definitely going to finish the book and undoubtedly going to read it again, but I don't recommend it to anyone else if you fall into any of the following categories:

• If you are interested in raising simply nice Christian kids with good manners.
• If you only enjoy light reading that is fluffy.
• If you are offended by hard core truth.
• If your goal as a parent is just to be cool and fit in with your kids and their friends.
• If your goals for your children are for them to fit into society and look like everyone else, only different since they have Jesus in their hearts...
• If you are not interested in your child changing the world around him or her or doing something that could potentially be radical for God.
• If you are more interested in being politically correct than obedient to God's call on your life.
• If you live in a bubble and never desire for it to be popped.
• If you still look at your kids as your own, not God's beautiful children that He has trusted you to train up for His glory and purposes.
• If you don't feel like doing hard work, ie, prayer, saying 'NO', disciplining, teaching your child what is right and wrong, allowing yourself to be taught by God, being willing to be wrong and learn.
• If you think training, teaching, and developing the leadership potential within your children is overrated.
• If you always have to be right.

OR

• If you have already raised your children perfectly.

No, I wouldn't recommend No Ordinary Child by Denise Mira unless you don't fit into any of the above categories. Everyone else, get ready for a read that will kick your butt, draw you to your knees, and open your eyes to see your children like you have never seen them. I'd say, "Enjoy!" and believe me, I can't put it down, but not because it's fluffy. I just love hard core truth, especially when it kicks my butt, so reading this is enjoyable to me. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't like having 'sunshine blown at me', so when someone has the guts to speak God's love and truth boldly, I always gravitate towards it. It's like tearing a bandage off quickly...it hurts at first, but the pain fades and the healing can continue to take place.