INTENTIONAL PUPIL

God’s been having me write out some scriptures for myself to study and really chew on, if you will.  

For me, writing it down, or typing it, helps get it into my heart more and more.  

He’s really put it on my heart to be an intentional pupil of His Word, like basically back in college, getting a Major in God Studies :)  

(That's the last page of the Bible...and across the page are Noah's footprints from his last night on earth...)

Some of them are being spurred on from a Daniel study I’m doing by Beth Moore.  But He has put it on my heart to encourage others, as well, and for my own accountability.  Please don’t think I’m trying to re-write scripture.  I’m just stringing it together for the overall message, into one challenge to myself, for a complete thought.  I hope it encourages your hearts, too, on your own journeys.  

Love, Ade xoxox

It’s from The Message, Hebrews 12, John 11, 1 Peter 1 & 2.


“Do you see what this means – all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on?  It means we’d better get on with it.  Strip down, start running – and never quit!  No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins.  Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in.  Study how he did it.  Because he never lost sight of where he was headed – that exhilarating finish in and with God...when you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through.  That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!  God is educating you; that is why you must never drop out.  This trouble you’re in isn’t punishment; it training...it pays off handsomely, for it’s the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God.  Clear the path for long-distance runners so no one will trip and fall...Help each other out.  And run for it!  When Jesus got the message, He said, “This sickness is not fatal.  It will become an occasion to show God’s glory by glorifying God’s Son.”  So roll up your sleeves, put your mind in gear, be totally ready to receive the gift that’s coming when Jesus arrives.  Don’t lazily slip back into those old grooves of evil, doing just what you feel like doing.  You didn’t know any better then; you do now...let yourselves be pulled into a way of life shaped by God’s life, a life energetic and blazing with holiness.  You call out to God for help and he helps – he’s a good Father that way.  But don’t forget, he’s also a responsible Father, and won’t let you get by with sloppy living.  Your life is a journey you must travel with a deep consciousness of God.  Even though it has only lately – at the end of the ages – become public knowledge, God always knew he was going to do this for you...drink deep of God’s pure kindness.  Then you’ll grow up mature and whole in God.  Present yourselves as building stones for the construction of a sanctuary vibrant with life, offering Christ-approved lives up to God.  To you who trust him, he’s a Stone to be proud of...for the untrusting, they trip and fall because they refuse to obey, just as predicted.  But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high-calling...God’s instruments to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you – from nothing to something..Friends, this world is not your home, so don’t make yourselves cozy in it.  Don’t indulge your ego at the expense of your soul.  Live an exemplary life among the natives...then they’ll be won over to God’s side and be there to join in the celebration when he arrives...good citizens...It is God’s will that by doing good, you might cure the ignorance of the fools who think you’re a danger to society...cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in.  I know how great this makes you feel, even though you have to put up with every kind of aggravation in the meantime.  Pure gold put in the fire comes out of it proved pure; genuine faith put through this suffering comes out proved genuine.  When Jesus wraps this all up, it’s your faith, not your gold, that God will have on display as evidence of his victory.  The Day is coming when you'll have it all – life healed and whole.”

Walking, Part 2

My mom's not a huge fan of crowds but she wanted to do this walk.  She didn't want to stay for the closing ceremonies or anything like that.  She said walking together was her celebration, so that's just what we did.

Three generations, riding the Light Rail at the wee hours...HOW AWESOME DOES MY MOM LOOK?!?!

Sisters

"Bebe's Girls" (team name...)

This year we'll stay right...

Emily doing a cartwheel on Speer Boulevard over I-25

Granddaughters and their Bebe

A sea of thousands of people affected by cancer in one way or another...aka, thousands upon thousands of STORIES!

One Year Survivor at the Mile 1 Marker

A dude dressed as Pink Panther...he even had a British accent (not that PP ever talks, but whatever...)

A pom squad cheering us on...

"Give me a B!  Give me an O!  Give me another O!  Give me another B!"

Thank you to the Denver Police Department for blocking off traffic throughout the city in order for us to walk together!

Here, Em and I stopped.  I said, "Do you see all those people walking?  Look ahead of you, behind us, all around.  Do you know why they are all walking?  They are walking because their lives have been affected by breast cancer.  Every single person here has been affected by it, whether in their own body, as a friend, spouse, parent, child, sister, cousin, aunt, co-worker, grandparent...every. single. person. and they all have a story."

"I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back." The Message, Philippians 3:12-14

Front Row: Young Bevy Girls in the making...knowing the importance of time with other women and showing support!  Nice job, girls!

My mom is a strong, loving, and selfless woman.  I have a lot to learn from her.  I'm really proud of her and so grateful we were able to walk WITH her today!

Grieving With Others

You know, I was never a fan of funerals and potato salad or dying people or dead ones or death or pretty much anything that had to do with end of life.  As a kid, from grade 3 and then throughout junior high and high school, a friend, classmate, relative, or pet, died, each year.  Super fun, YEAH!

When I was really little, like preschool age, the guy across the street backed over his son.  My mom was gardening and heard him yelling at his big brother (only 4 at the time) that he was supposed to be watching his little brother.  Messed up...

After my friends and I walked home from the bus stop one day, about a half hour later I heard emergency sirens and a helicopter.  My friend, John, who Stacey and Marc and I were just walking with, was in that life chopper, hooked up to machines, on his way to his last breath.  I didn't go to the funeral.

The first funeral I even remember was my own Grandpa's.  Enough people had died in my life by then that to actually have to face it and attend a funeral, at age 16, made me nauseous.  I was FREAKED out!  Likely this was due to my own deceitfulness and sneaking I had done in junior high watching "R" Rated horror films while my parents were gone.

What the hell was I thinking?  You name it, my friends and I snuck and saw it.  Children of the Corn, Poltergeist, Nightmare on Elm Street, who knows what else...

Jacked up.  Like, totally, completely, utterly EFFFFFF-ed up!

Wow.  To think Hollywood makes money off glorifying death and dying and the underworld.  It's the unknown that fascinates, but to horrify it?  Dear Lord.

And now I've tasted death.  In fact, not only have I soaked my dead son with my tears, but I've grieved with others who have done the same.

I've kissed death.  It's bitter.  What if Eve had picked fruit from "The Tree of Life" instead of the tree of the "Knowledge and Evil?"  We never would have tasted the salty bitter emptiness that comes to those of us left this side of Heaven.  We never would have experienced separation from God...

EVE!!!!  #$%^&*(

This month my friend, Carly Marie Dudley in Australia, is hosting "Capture Your Grief" for Pregnancy and Infant Loss.  She's created a Facebook page for people to share their stories according to the topic of the day.  I headed over there just to check it out.  You know, since it's been 5+ years since I held Noah, I was just going over to the site to encourage others, probably new moms and losses.  And then I started reading, and just saying, "I'm so sorry for your loss!" and looking at the beautiful lives affected by death and temporary separation, yet heartache, nonetheless.

And then I posted a picture.  Because it was a call for "Pre-Loss" pictures.  And that was easy, because I posted this:

 
It's a picture of Noah, in my belly, safe and sound.  And it's utter pregnancy joy on my face, looking at myself for the first time in my life and thinking, "Wow!  I'm beautiful!"  And it's a gift to my heart because I didn't know.  All I knew was I would have a son, and I was already in love with him.

Being over at Carly's Facebook page with all those stories is difficult.  It's not cupcakes and tequila.  It wrecks me to know other families hearts will know the same pain mine has known.  I knew when Noah was sick, and after he died, that we weren't the first and wouldn't be the last.  But there's still a hope and a wish it could have ended with *us*.

When I saw my Grandpa, lying there in his coffin, hands folded, handsome, eyes closed, with a little too much make up, a peace I had not yet known in my life swept over me.  I remember thinking, "Huh.  That's not my Gramps.  That's just his body.  He is with God.  He is at rest."

Today the call on "Capture the Grief" was to post about a treasured item.

If you've read here long, you know I'm not attached to things.  Remember my purge fests?  Anyway, I realized, though, my most treasured item is my Bible.  It's my most treasured item because, well, it's my Bible.  Duh.  But, also because the night before we said goodbye to Noah, his nurses brought me ink sheets so we could stamp his feet.  I searched for a clean page in my (at the time) 20 year old Bible.  The only page I could find was opposite the last page.

Revelation 22:20 and "Footprints"

Revelation 22:20  "He who testifies to these things says, 'Yes, I am coming soon.'"

AMEN.  COME, LORD JESUS!

I treasure this for the promise that it is, as well...that life here on Earth is literally but a vapor!

Around the World...

...in who knows how many days?

Em and I read a book during homeschool last year about a man in his hot air balloon who raced around the world, a race against the clock.  He wanted to beat a record.

What if there were no time frame?

What if the point was just to see God's creativity in His big green earth, learn new cultures, eat new foods, love on people, and take in the beauty in the faces of God's people to the ends of the earth?

I imagine the guy in the balloon who raced around the world missed out on the bigger picture.  Sure, he was the fastest, but did he get to truly experience the trip?

My love continues to grow for a sweet little handsome boy and his family.  They are on an adventure with an unclear time frame. 

Their dream as a family has been to see the world, which is why they named their youngest guy Trek Atlas...and they are living that dream presently in Nicaragua...but it's a bittersweet adventure because Trek has a fatal condition, and of course, they don't know the day he no longer will be on the journey this side of Heaven...

I want you to know I met Jarrett and Chelsea.  This isn't some Internet story for attention from people who don't really exist.  We ate bacon together.  They are as real as it gets :)

I held Trek's sweet little body in my arms on January 12, 2012.  He's a real boy, with captivating eyes, who brings so much joy to his family and anyone who is able to meet him.  And I'm not going to lie, I have a crush on him, for reals! 

Jason is headed to Bangladesh today for his dream job, "To help women and children in 3rd world countries..."  He works for Compassion International and is the ministry director of their Child Survival Program.  After receiving world class care for our son, his eyes were opened to health care throughout the rest of the world and he asked God how he could make a difference. 

However, the reality is even the best care in the world was not enough for our son.  And it isn't for many other children who have incurable diseases, in the first or third world.

Trek Atlas Ingram has one stamp on his passport, thus far.  I'm not sure he'll ever step foot on the soil of Bangladesh, but a Flat Trek will be headed there for the next week with Jason to bring smiles to cute kids and their moms. 

And the reason Jason will be there in the first place is because his own son, who only lived 7 months on this earth, changed his heart and perspective to what really matters:  Loving God without regrets, living life to the fullest, casting off all restraints...not a bucket list of selfish indulgence but a list of living life that has no beginning and is lived out fully until the end, whenever that may be, all for the Glory of God.

Want to help Trek get stamps on his passport?  You don't have to actually GO anywhere, but if you live anywhere other than Maui, Colorado, or Nicaragua, then Trek's never been to your neck of the woods. 

You can get your own Flat Trek with more information here.

You can encourage the family on their Facebook page or on their blogs, here, here, and here.

Thanks for letting me share here about this sweet little guy.  He has really touched my heart and I can't stop praying for him and his family because it's just all too familiar...

Trekking Around the World

Remember this?

It's been a while.  I wouldn't expect you to, but I sure do.  One night, 5 years ago last November, we had gotten some yummy Chinese take-out and were sitting in Noah's room at The Children's Hospital.  As we finished up and started cracking open our fortune cookies, I grabbed one and said, "This one's for Noah."  If you can see in the picture, that's medical tape, the kind that used to keep tubes and crap attached to my sweet boy.  We used it for other things, as you can see.

At the time I remember thinking, "Oh how great it would be if You would heal Noah, God, and we could go all over the world (a lifetime dream of mine) and tell everyone of Your faithfulness, love and power."  This was my initial response to reading, "You will step on the soil of many countries."

It's because I had seen myself with a grown son...remember?  And so I naturally thought it was Noah...since he was my only son at the time and all.  And Noah did step on the soil of many countries, so to speak, just not physically with his two sweet little feet.  His blog hit every continent before he died, but that wasn't quite what I had been thinking...

Well, fast forward 5 years.  This post isn't about Noah.  It's about how my heart leaps out of my chest every time I see pictures of a sweet mama and her boy, so very much in love, who are on a journey.  It's about how I can't get them out of my mind, not because I want to, but because God continues to put them on my heart, all throughout the day.

I have mentioned him here before, but I'm asking you not to turn away.  I KNOW reading about a kid that is dying is nothing less than gut-wrenching.  It's HARD.  It SUCKS.  It's a volume of books filled with descriptive words that can't really describe the heartache.  I freaking GET IT!  It's why hundreds stopped reading my blog after Noah died.  I understand.  It's not as fun as Pinterest or Facebook or a hundred million other things.

But I'm literally begging you to let your heart pray for Jarrett, Chelsea, Peyton, Conner and Trek, as they set off on a journey of living life to the fullest, one day at a time.

You see, someone close to them contacted me to pray for them...she had read Noah's blog and couldn't stop thinking about some of the similarities.


Here is where my heart is wrecked.  We never wanted Noah to be stuck in a hospital bed his whole freaking life.  That was never our dream for him...but because of a whole hellofalotta reasons, we were stuck.  There were days I dreamed of stealing him out of the hospital and taking him home...but we couldn't because we didn't have home health care at the time.  It was a big mess.  The closest I got to showing him the world was this...whoopdefreakingdo!


Anyway, Chelsea's heart is living out what I wished I could have done with Noah. 


Am I living vicariously through them?  Only the freedom part...I lived all the rest already.

Either way, my heart is crying out for them to RUN, PLAY, LAUGH, CRY, REST, STARE, LISTEN, SING, NUGGLE, SMOOCH, HOLD ON and LET GO all at once. 


I pray for God's love to fill every corner of their lives with such fullness that this time in their lives will ever be etched in their hearts.


I hate what they are going through but if I had it to do over, which I don't wish for, but if I could go back, I'd run like hell out of that hospital and live whatever amount of time I had with my boy, free from the beeps and meds and tubes and tests and pokes and drugs and smells and unknowns. 


I'd run.

I don't despise what we went through, I do have to say, because 5 years later, I'm grateful to at least have the perspective that life is short.  It's time to live, today, right now, to the fullest.  Time and the people in our lives are literally gifts from God for our joy. 


It's time you, or someone you know, stop holding back.


Hug tighter.


Kiss longer.


Stare at your children.


Laugh your ass off.


Play on the floor with your kids.


Tell your husband you love him.

Tell him you are sorry.


Hold hands.


Turn off your freaking television.  Hell, throw the damn thing away.


Forgive.

Stop caring what others think of you.

Trust God sees the bigger picture.  Relinquish the control you think you need to have.


Smile.

Listen.

Play.

Dream.


Live in wonder.

Baby Trek Atlas may not physically touch the soil of many countries in his short life time, but the way he's living with his big brothers and mommy and daddy who adore him...well, he's experiencing more love than many do in a lifetime.  And, if you spend some time reading his mama's blog, I would venture to guess he'll have you looking around, wondering what matters, and making a few changes and tweaks to what is important. 

That's Trek, a 9.5 month old, teaching us a thing or two.  That's him stepping on the soil of many countries...

Life is short.  How will you spend it?

Little BIG Feet

If you don't know how much I love feet, scroll down to the bottom of this page...I'll wait...

Okay.  So, let me clarify, because by "love feet" I want to make sure it's clear which ones I mean:

• NOT stinky, sweaty, hairy, scaly ones
• BUT YES to: chewy, teeny, tiny, pink, plump, yummy ones

But seriously, I love the symbolism of feet.  Genetically we were designed to have two.  Whether we all have two or not, and whether they "work" or function as intended, doesn't disqualify us for the symbolism of feet or not.

You see, you, or someone you know, may have really big feet or small, petite ones, but it's the footprint you leave that will make the lasting impression. 

Five years ago when Noah died, he had the smallest feet in the family, simply speaking size here.  However, his teeny, tiny, chewy, yummy, sweet little feet left the biggest footprint on my heart.  His little BIG feet caused me to re-evaluate life on many levels and got these size 8's on the move.  Not just to move around and add chaos to the world, but on the move to start living the way I was intended and Designed to live.

Do I do it right all the time?  Nope.  I'm a student on this earth...

I just met another mom that loves feet.  And by "loves feet" I'm not so sure Chelsea loves them the same way I describe above, but it's clear she loves the journey and makes the most of her treasured times with her husband and their 3 sons.  And though from reading her blog I can tell she loved them well prior to meeting her most recent little BIG feet, it seems, once again, that a sweet little boy with teeny, tiny, yummy toes has "walked" into her heart and brought about even more joy, life and perspective, through love and heartache.

I was able to meet Trek and his Mommy and Daddy yesterday here in Colorado.  I even got to snuggle her little lover in my arms for a brief moment, trying to give Chelsea a chance to eat her breakfast, but Trek knows his mama and I handed him back into her loving arms.

Trek needs your prayers.  And so do his parents.  And his big brothers.  And their family. 

I have a crush on him, I'm not going to lie.  He is one handsome guy who gave me a few smiles and just reading about how he came into the world and how his life is inspiring others to live, well, you can't help but get a bit wrapped around his cute little toes.

Trek has a genetic disorder, one they tested Noah for.  His parents are so brave and strong!  They are going to spend his beautiful days here on earth building memories as a family.  As they do, please keep them all in your prayers!

The size of your feet do not matter...it's the kind of footprints you leave here on earth that make a lasting impression!