Walking, Part 2

My mom's not a huge fan of crowds but she wanted to do this walk.  She didn't want to stay for the closing ceremonies or anything like that.  She said walking together was her celebration, so that's just what we did.

Three generations, riding the Light Rail at the wee hours...HOW AWESOME DOES MY MOM LOOK?!?!

Sisters

"Bebe's Girls" (team name...)

This year we'll stay right...

Emily doing a cartwheel on Speer Boulevard over I-25

Granddaughters and their Bebe

A sea of thousands of people affected by cancer in one way or another...aka, thousands upon thousands of STORIES!

One Year Survivor at the Mile 1 Marker

A dude dressed as Pink Panther...he even had a British accent (not that PP ever talks, but whatever...)

A pom squad cheering us on...

"Give me a B!  Give me an O!  Give me another O!  Give me another B!"

Thank you to the Denver Police Department for blocking off traffic throughout the city in order for us to walk together!

Here, Em and I stopped.  I said, "Do you see all those people walking?  Look ahead of you, behind us, all around.  Do you know why they are all walking?  They are walking because their lives have been affected by breast cancer.  Every single person here has been affected by it, whether in their own body, as a friend, spouse, parent, child, sister, cousin, aunt, co-worker, grandparent...every. single. person. and they all have a story."

"I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back." The Message, Philippians 3:12-14

Front Row: Young Bevy Girls in the making...knowing the importance of time with other women and showing support!  Nice job, girls!

My mom is a strong, loving, and selfless woman.  I have a lot to learn from her.  I'm really proud of her and so grateful we were able to walk WITH her today!

Through thick and thin...

I want to share with you my mom's Facebook status from yesterday. Then I'll share some of my own thoughts...

"I want to thank everyone for their love poured out to me in prayers and well wishes, flowers, cards and lots of dinners! Just received a synopsis on the pathology report from my 30-something breast surgeon who really rocks......the cancer cells did not go beyond the first lymph node.....and the tumor was not larger than they anticipated. Thank You, Jesus.....my Faithful Savior.....my Hiding Place......my Comfort.....my King!"

My mom means this....that is, she's sincere in her thanks for the encouragement, but also, regarding that last sentence, giving thanks to Jesus, her Faithful Savior, Hiding Place, Comfort and King, that part she means.

And she means it all the time.

It's easy to have those sentiments about the Lord when all is well, when we receive good reports, when life is smooth and peachy keen.

That's often when people are able to warm up to God, let Him in a little, give Him credit, even admit a bit of admiration for Him.

But what about when life hits the fan?

What about the bad days, the ill reports, the moments that grip us with fear or utter and total disappointment and despair? What about those moments?

Is Jesus still all of those things that my mom mentioned in her Facebook status?

I will say this...He is. He is even more! He doesn't change just because our circumstances change. God is the Only One in the Universe that remains Faithful and True.

He remains.

He is unshakable.

A Rock. Our Firm Foundation. Never-changing. Always and Forever. The One True Lover of our souls.

And for my mom, whether her super awesome cancer surgeon had told her the cancer had spread, or they got it all, she would have posted those same sentiments about the Lord...because my mom knows that God is in love with her, regardless of circumstance, that He will never leave her or kick her to the curb.

The reason I can share this with such confidence is I've been able to witness my mom over the last 30+ years as she has trusted the Lord with her life, as well as our lives as her children.

She takes Him at His word...He promises that He is Who He says He is...no less. She knows He's not a liar.

I tell you what, through thick and thin, whether it's fashionable, popular or comfortable, my mom trusts God. I am so grateful for her example! And I am so thankful to love and trust Him, too!

Resting and Healing

I got to kiss my mom.

She's one tough lady, that's for sure!

I won't share what she said to the nurse when the nurse asked her why she was in pain...let's just say "chopped" was one of the verbs...

My dad said my mom got a pretty good night sleep. But, let's be honest. To all my nurse friends out there, we all know it's not a hotel, it's a hospital so sleep, though necessary for healing, is kind of a joke in the hospital unless one is knocked out.

I'm headed up there with my big sis to learn home care along with my dad. When they told us that my mom would be released likely the day after surgery, I'm pretty sure we all thought they were on crack. But, she's much more alert, up and walking and gaining strength today, so, apparently the medical team was not, in fact, on crack.

She'll be released later this afternoon. Thanks for your continued support and prayers for my mom and our family!

This is the first leg of the journey...now for all that is ahead of us, we know with God's strength and an encouraging group around, she's gonna kick cancer in the pants!

2nd Update

The surgeon came in to tell us that her portion of the surgery went well and is complete. Now the plastic surgeon is with her finishing his part. My mom will be out of surgery around 4pm, then to recovery and then finally into her room.

The cancer did spread to her left armpit, so the surgeon removed a series of lymph nodes to be sent off for diagnostics. What this means is that what was originally only a chance she would have to have radiation, now is part of the protocol.

My dear friend came to sit with me so I'm going to go.

Thank you so much for your prayers for my mom! I know you all have journeys of your own going on right now, and so please know we don't stop praying for you and yours even though we are in the midst of our own needs. Please feel free, as you did when Noah was in the hospital, to put your prayer needs in the comment section and we'll pray for you, too!!!

I will post again later when I see her and then we are probably setting up a Caringbridge site for my mom so she can post her heart and thoughts and you guys can send her messages of encouragement there.

Surgery update...

For those of you praying for my mom, I just wanted to share an update...

She and my dad got to the hospital early this morning. They started surgery at 8:15. My dad just got a call at 11:45 that they had completed one side and are moving onto the next. They expect to be done around 2pm. They said all is well and looking good.

Dad went back to my mom's recovery room to rest a bit, since they were up at 3am. My big sis and I sniffed out a warm solarium with west views of the entire Rocky Mountain range, from Pikes Peak in Colorado Springs to the Wyoming border. It was also the only place my computer could find wi-fi.

It's surreal knowing what is going on as I sit here and take in these beautiful views.

I don't think, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" I don't wonder that. We live on Earth, in a fallen world, and as my mom said as soon as she was diagnosed with breast cancer, "God doesn't owe me life on my terms."

And, anywhere you look in the Bible, there are trials, pain, and suffering, mixed with hope and joy and great expectation...people with fairly decent records and the ones society and religious circles had kicked to the curb.

I just wish my mom didn't have to go through this...this pain...this portion of the journey...really, any of this.

As we prayed together last night, she said, "I want to use this for God's glory. I want to be able to encourage others who will have to face this one day. This will not be in vain."

My mom is a rock. She isn't The Rock. But she stands on The One Who Is.

As I prayed with my folks, all of us holding hands over the table, I was overwhelmed and so very thankful that God introduced them, that our family of 5 growing up was always close, that my parents came to know the Lord when my big sister and I were young ladies, that we've been able to grow in our walks with the Lord as our family has grown over the years. I am so thankful my parents love one another. Grateful they didn't get stuck in a religious rut that was an endless grave of duty and performance. Thankful to know God intimately because of His ultimate expression of love through His Son, Jesus Christ.

Whether we walk through trials, which we all will, or whether things are coasting along seemingly, God will always get the glory from our family.

Always.

Anyway, what I was saying is God's got this...and my mom is doing well. I'll update later.

Boobies

I have to say, it is so very refreshing to be in a setting where, what was once private and hush hush, can be spoken of with earnestness, sincerity, and candid authenticity. (I know that is quite a list of words but Em and I have been reading the original Nancy Drew books, and boy does Keene use great vocabulary!)

Anyway, cancer is a big word. It's really a new journey for our family, and as I walk along this road with my mom, I am a student in this new topic. Em knows a lot about death and heaven because she lost her brother. But she and I don't know a lot about cancer except that it's not our favorite word...and it's something my mom has. I want to be sensitive not to teach Em all the cellular dynamics of cancer at the age of 9, but to allow her to ask questions and hold her grandma's hand when she needs assurance, I feel is of utmost importance.

So, today, after I tied on my pink ribbon belt, slipped on my hot pink swirl half-dome ring that's as big as a bouncy ball, and stepped into my pink cancer awareness flip-flops, I hopped into my car donning breast cancer plates and drove over to Emily's school to snatch her away for a couple of hours. You see, seeing her "Bebe" in a hospital bed with tubes taped onto her and machines all around may be too overwhelming...but...to go to her "Bebe's" wig fitting appointment, letting her try on a few, and seeing what her grandma will look like in a couple of months, well, I thought that would be a great way for Em to be connected on this journey.

The women who helped us were beautiful. Both survivors, even. One, seven years ago, had the EXACT kind of cancer, same stage, same invasiveness, same factors and treatment, as my mom. My mom had been specifically praying to be able to speak with a woman who had all of those things and God provided her, today, in that room where we were able to speak candidly about boobies and baldness.

No one really wants to suffer and then have another person suffer through it, too. But to be able to share our stories and say, "Me, too!" is a powerful thing. It allows us to know that we aren't alone, that God provides comfort and companionship even in the midst of our darkest moments. No matter how hard Satan tries to tear us down, God is always faithful to be our Rock, our Steady, our never-changing King of Peace. God is good!

The "C" Word

Cancer is like saying #$%^&*. It's got six letters but it's a four-letter word.

I've never liked the word cancer.

Merriam Webster defines it four ways:

1. a northern zodiacal constellation between Gemini and Leo
2. a malignant tumor of potentially unlimited growth that expands locally by invasion and systemically by metastasis; an abnormal bodily state marked by such tumors
3. something evil or malignant that spreads destructively
4. an enlarged tumor-like plant growth

I guess I don't mind looking at constellations in God's big beautiful sky, but seeing a malignant tumor on an MRI, and that tumor belonging to my very own mom, well, that just sucks, to be frank.

I went to my mom's appointment yesterday along with my dad and younger sister. I choked back some tears here and there as I watched my mom be so very brave. I mean, my mom was like, "I'm not scared. I trust God. I trust Him when things are good and even now. I trust Him."

I sat there next to my dad who has always been so in love with my mom, knowing this is his journey, too. I thanked God in my heart for parents who still enjoy being together, thankful for their loving example of marriage for my own life, so very thankful God opened a door for them to live so close to us.

So many things were running through my thoughts in that office suite dedicated to education and treatment of this "new to me" disease. We all listened to one pretty amazing doctor share knowledge and courses of treatment, maybe not realizing she was now part of our journey. Of course the "Noah" mom came to the forefront of my mind...wanting to fix it...wanting to conquer the world and find a cure for all cancers, but especially breast cancer because it's front and center in my world. But, as much as I am on this journey with my mom, this is her journey. And she's one pretty amazing woman, so I know she's got it...because she knows The One who has got it!

In 7th grade a nurse came to educate us girls about self-breast examination. I freaked. Not because I thought it was silly to talk about touching my boobies. Something in me was gripped with fear and I was sure I would die of breast cancer before I even left high school. I even had my mom take me to the doctor because I had lumpy breasts. The doc said, "Do you eat chocolate?" Of course my reply was an emphatic yes! She asked, "Do you drink caffeine?" Hello! I'm in junior high! Coca-Cola and Dr. Pepper were my BFF's next to Stacey, of course! She said that caffeine increases fibroid tissue in the breast and can cause pain and discomfort. I stopped drinking pop. I didn't drink it again until my freshman year of college...which accounted for my 15 extra pounds at the time. I gave it up again. Water is my favorite, anyway...

I don't fear death anymore thanks to God's grace in allowing me to be mommy to a sweet little boy whose name meant "Peace." And, I don't fear breast cancer. I don't fear. What the heck is the point of fearing?! It steals joy and hope. Walking through this with my mom, even from the first call she got, watching her trust in God, and her peace, there's just no room for fear.

Cancer is a four-letter word, but having met it, I know now it can be beat!

It's not going to be a cake walk. There will be surgery. There will be chemo. And, since I'm not having either of those aforementioned, there will be a boat load of walking on my part. I haven't picked the city or the date, but this time I'll probably do the 60 mile walk. And yes, if you are interested, I'll be forming a team...

As a daughter of a woman with breast cancer, I know I can't fix it. I've learned that from experience. I can definitely be a support and encouragement. I can do practical things like make meals and help care for my mom over the next 9 months or so. But there is other stuff I can do, and I know it will not only help my mom, but help my generation and Emily's generation to come.

No. Breast cancer isn't my "new" platform. I've championed for it, or rather against it, in the past...simply because I have boobs. Yes, you will hear more about it here in days to come. But I'm still passionate about loving women, encouraging women, and telling them about God's AMAZING LOVE for them...this isn't new, either is God's love or my passion to tell it.

It's just that breast cancer has helped re-light a fire under me that had nearly died out.

What's your point?!?!

Not trying to shock you, but here is a bumper sticker I had to sit behind in traffic recently. It read, "I piss excellence."

Really? That's fabulous?????? Congratulations?! What does that even MEAN, you numb skull?!

Oh. My. Word. Seriously? Can we just talk about what messages we are trying to get across here?!

I am specifically talking about bumper stickers and other images and messages displayed on the backsides of our vehicles.

Personally, I am not a fan of bumper stickers, although, for the most part, I do read them as I drive on my way. I don't judge you if you choose to put them on your car, it's just that my husband and I decided long ago not to put stickers on our vehicles. It's not a big deal. We have lots of opinions and thoughts on life. We support and love many different organizations. We just don't do bumper stickers. That's all.

Let's review some though, shall we?

There's the parent who has to point out that their kid is smarter than yours. Just because someone has a "My kid made the honor roll" sign on their car doesn't mean your kid is an idiot. They are proud parents, that's all...and no, your dog isn't smarter than their kid, either.

Or that ridiculous and crude kid that has his pants down and is urinating on whatever it is the driver wants to belittle. Chevy and Ford should just be friends, already!

Here's my favorite...the guy in the big beefy truck that has dark tinted windows, meaty tires with girly flaps and a pair of blue balls hanging from the hitch. REALLY?! You are admitting to the world that your truck is making up for your lack of intimacy?!?!

Or, "Silly boys! Trucks are for girls!" I love to drive trucks, I have to say, but they aren't gender specific. They are trucks. They are for boys and girls. Trucks are gender neutral...

I actually like the family stickers. You've usually got a dad figure, a mom, a couple kids or more, even a cat and dog. And, if your family was lucky enough, your family figures have big mouse ears on them...or, if you are outdoorsy, your family is made up of sea turtles...which means you were probably lucky enough to buy them in Hawaii.

I personally am not quite sure what the "I piss excellence" bumper sticker is all about. All I know is that it's crude and not the kind of bumper sticker I would ever choose. But I guess it stuck with me...so very glad that guy got his message across...(kick him in the shin!)

If there was room on the back of my car to get a message across worth the adhesive it would say, "Hey, whether you believe it or not, God is totally, completely, madly in love with you! Yep! He loves you exactly the way you are, sitting there in your car, singing, smoking, picking your nose, yelling at your kids in the back seat, whatever. He even loves you as you are tailgating me to read this bumper sticker. And, since the beginning of time a lot has happened. He's been misrepresented, even gotten a bad wrap. Maybe you could care less, but here's the deal, whether you like Him or not, you will meet Him face to face one day. On that day He'll tell you how much He loves you...like He's been telling you all along. He'll remind you that He sent His Son to die on a cross for you because you were worth it. You can wait until that day to meet Him, but living life here on earth with Him in your heart is better than chocolate or Monday Night Football! Life won't necessarily be smooth, you may experience heartache and pain, your kid might not make the honor roll, you may not even pee straight, but God's totally and completely in love with you and would love to have a personal relationship with you today."

I know that bumper stickers or symbols on our cars are an expression of who we are or what we believe and support. Some are encouraging and thought provoking...others just funny, while others, as you've witnessed above, plain old ignorant.

Since the back of my Honda Accord just isn't big enough to display my sentiments, I won't be having this particular bumper sticker made up.

However, when I went to renew my tags the other day, something occurred to me. I can work the "no bumper sticker" rule with personalized plates. I can get another message across. It's a message of support and something I've championed in the past. It's a message that wasn't close to home. Now it's a message that is front and tail end on my car.

I bought pink license plates.

I know that in buying "Breast Cancer Awareness" plates I won't beat the disease, but, as the daughter of a beautiful woman who was just diagnosed last week with it, I will do whatever it takes to show my mom my full support.

I love my mom. She is my spiritual GIANT. She probably is smarter than your honor student, but if she had a bumper sticker, even in light of her recent diagnosis, it would read like the one above, "God is Faithful! I trust in Him! And He is Good!"

More to come...