Fear Has No Future

Jason and I celebrated 20 years of marriage in June, but since January, we've been dreaming and planning out the details for a trip to Spain, just the two of us.  We have spent hours and hours looking through books, reading reviews, mapping out our adventures, talking about it on date nights, road trips, in bed at night.

The destination and trip itself will be awesome, no doubt, but dreaming and anticipating have been part of the fun, as well.

Picture from AskFranciso

Except for the part where we realized it was about time to write out a Will and Trust...that part took the spark out of the trip, at least for me, for a good week.  My sinuses were clogged and swollen from crying, imagining not being the ones to raise our children, these gifts God loves more, but has graciously entrusted to us to love, nurture, and fan to flame the awesomeness God placed within each of them...

...and I almost cancelled.

"Sweetheart, we can just get a hotel downtown for the weekend..."  Forget the part that I've dreamed of going to Spain ever since I was in college when Profesora Calderon first sparked my romance with the language and country.  Forget about how we were going to do this trip for our 15th but then Jason lost his job and we knew it probably wasn't financially wise to travel on "credit."

I have come to terms, as I have for years, but clearly needed a reminder, that God knows the number of our days.  It doesn't do me or anyone else any good to live in fear of the "what if's?"

There is no freedom in fear, nor is there a future.  I knew a 90-something year old who harbored many fears...sure, in years, she lived a long life, but she was crippled by her fears, not experiencing what freedom in God's love has to offer in a full life.

I have spent many hours praying and pleading, asking God to be gracious to our family and reunite us again to continue to live out the purpose He has for us on this earth...and I trust Him and have peace this will be the case...

So, do I hope to relax, sleep a little longer, go on 24-hour dates for two weeks straight with my husband, in a beautiful country, surrounded by people God created, all rich with stories, experience the smells, sights, make new memories, and see pretty much the whole countryside of Spain?  Yeah.  I do. And I'll miss my kids like crazy, wondering what they are doing at such and such a time.

But this is good for my marriage, a celebration of friendship and love and thankfulness, and it will be good.

If this were my last post, on this blog, ever, not just my last post prior to leaving for our trip to Spain, I'd want to leave the world with this:

God is totally, completely, 100% in love with you.  Don't try to understand it, just accept it.  Please stop looking around at all that is wrong in the world, in yourself, and everyone else.  Instead, find the good and as you do, allow your eyes to be turned upward to look at The One who made you, to see it as an expression of His love to a broken world.  He knows you intimately, has good in store, like deep down heart-good, and He sees a bigger picture which your head and heart are now allowed to contain at this time.  He loves you.  Love begets love...not war, back-biting, gossip, slander, politics, isolationism, competition, or elitism, nor pride or self-seeking. Love begets love, and God. Is. Love. He is love and is in love with you, totally, completely, 100%.

That's all...

(*We may blog from Spain, but the #loneviajera won't be alone...watch for it, and for a super fun blog by this girl, one of our date nights in Barcelona...)

#Hashtag Series, Part 1

#FirstWorldProblems

This series isn't going to be pretty.

I'm not writing it for you.

I'm writing it for me, as I stand in front of the mirror, a slap in my own face.  I need a renewed reality check.  I need a swift kick in the pants...

If your face stings, turn the other cheek.

(Remember, I am saying this to myself in the mirror, hence "you" and "I"...don't accuse me of accusing you, please.)

"Adrienne, you have #FirstWorldProblems.  Seriously.  Let's take the obvious:  You are looking in the mirror at yourself in what Westerners call a 'master bathroom' which is conveniently located next to your 'walk-in closet' where you own 7 pair of jeans of which you complain do not fit on your chubby thighs which are that way because you live in America where you have access to more processed food than any country in the world.  Actually, living in America doesn't make you chubby.  Stop making excuses.  Your choices to eat processed foods, especially your known allergens, make you chubby.  Stop blaming it on America.  America has her own problems.  In Cambodia your place of residence would easily house 75 people.  That could be 75 young girls, Emily's age, who have been sold into sex slavery because their parents can't afford to feed and keep them, let alone send them to school.  Em's 9 and 3/4.  The world is a sick place.  You are sad Em's turning 10.  Be thankful you have a daughter who is healthy and doesn't even know what sex really is except for roosters, chickens and eggs.  You have a pantry near your kitchen.  A pantry is a closet or cupboard which houses abundance and resources.  You have 18 drawers in your kitchen, 21 cupboards.  Cold water.  Water that comes out of a tap or fridge.  You have options.  Water you didn't have to walk 6 miles to get for your family.  You went to college for four years and your loans are paid off.  You got to choose where you attended school (well, sorta...that's another story...) Your daughter goes to a highly sought after Outward Bound school.  Yes, your husband is having an "affair" with his stupid iPhone, but only because he's always been a nerd when it comes to technology.  Be thankful you have a husband who loves you and has always been faithful.  Yes, there is laundry everywhere.  Be thankful you aren't naked.  You have clothes.  Too many clothes.  Give some away...then you will not have as much laundry.  Yes, there are toys everywhere.  You have a toddler.  Be grateful he is alive and healthy and makes messes.  Get rid of some of his toys...he doesn't need them all...certainly there are kids out there who could use some.  Forget about the broccoli ground into the bottom of your tennis shoe.  Be grateful he has a good arm and is strong enough to throw food.  Be grateful you have food to give to your children each day.  The reason you have dirty dishes piled up is because you have food to feed your family...or you have too many dishes...give some dishes away.  And all that stuff on your desk.  What about all that?  Will you really read all those books or is it simply a good intention?  Give some away.  Stop feeling overwhelmed that you don't have enough time to do whatever it is you think you need to do and prioritize.  Get some perspective, Adrienne!  Stop standing in front of the refrigerator with the door open, wondering WHAT ON EARTH you're going to make for dinner.  Stop whining because you have to run to the grocery store for the third time this week...because by "run" I mean you have a car...and by "grocery store" I mean one of 5 within a 5 mile radius...and by "third time this week" I mean maybe you should start meal planning.  Be grateful you have food...in a refrigerator...at all.  And back to this mirror.  What do you see?  How long, Adrienne?  How long will you sing this song of not loving yourself?  He made you who you are on purpose.  Stop squeezing the backs of your arms, your thighs, your belly, and just make the healthy choices you already know how to make.  #FirstWorldProblems.  Maybe one of your #FirstWorldProblems is that you have too many choices?  In Uganda or Kenya or Bangladesh or Guatemala or Haiti or Sudan or Papau New Guinea the moms aren't asking, "What will we have for dinner?" with the same voice inflection you are asking it.  You are wondering, "Hmmmm....should we have salmon or chicken on the grill...with grilled or sauteed or oven roasted veggies and olive oil and garlic."  They are wondering, "WHAT, if anything, will we have for dinner?"  Get over yourself.  Seriously, Adrienne, get over yourself.  You have #FirstWorldProblems.  Be thankful.  Be generous.  Nothing you call "your own" is yours.  Nothing.  Not even your own life.  It's His.  You gave it to Him long ago.  I'm pretty sure in your own insecurity and struggle for control, you have taken yourself back.  You are not your own.  You were bought with a price.  Close your eyes.  Put out your hands.  Surrender.  Ask Him to lead the way.  Stop trying to drag God around on a leash.  Slip your hand into His and walk with Him.  He is faithful.  He will lead you.  He sees the bigger picture.  Remember?  Why do you forget to remember sometimes?!  He sees the bigger picture.  He sees the #FirstWorldProblems and the #ThirdWorldProblems.  He died for me so I would know freedom from this world...not that I wouldn't face problems, but so I would know Who to run to with my problems...and so I'd know what are actual "problems" and which things are problems I create for myself because I live in the First World."

"No Ordinary Child"

I am reading a book that I don't recommend for several reasons. I am definitely going to finish the book and undoubtedly going to read it again, but I don't recommend it to anyone else if you fall into any of the following categories:

• If you are interested in raising simply nice Christian kids with good manners.
• If you only enjoy light reading that is fluffy.
• If you are offended by hard core truth.
• If your goal as a parent is just to be cool and fit in with your kids and their friends.
• If your goals for your children are for them to fit into society and look like everyone else, only different since they have Jesus in their hearts...
• If you are not interested in your child changing the world around him or her or doing something that could potentially be radical for God.
• If you are more interested in being politically correct than obedient to God's call on your life.
• If you live in a bubble and never desire for it to be popped.
• If you still look at your kids as your own, not God's beautiful children that He has trusted you to train up for His glory and purposes.
• If you don't feel like doing hard work, ie, prayer, saying 'NO', disciplining, teaching your child what is right and wrong, allowing yourself to be taught by God, being willing to be wrong and learn.
• If you think training, teaching, and developing the leadership potential within your children is overrated.
• If you always have to be right.

OR

• If you have already raised your children perfectly.

No, I wouldn't recommend No Ordinary Child by Denise Mira unless you don't fit into any of the above categories. Everyone else, get ready for a read that will kick your butt, draw you to your knees, and open your eyes to see your children like you have never seen them. I'd say, "Enjoy!" and believe me, I can't put it down, but not because it's fluffy. I just love hard core truth, especially when it kicks my butt, so reading this is enjoyable to me. Anyone who knows me knows that I don't like having 'sunshine blown at me', so when someone has the guts to speak God's love and truth boldly, I always gravitate towards it. It's like tearing a bandage off quickly...it hurts at first, but the pain fades and the healing can continue to take place.