"You've never truly lived until you give something to someone for which you can never be repaid." -Unknown

Today we are going to Florida. We have been given a tremendous blessing and will be spending a few days in Celebration and some at St. Pete's beach. Our pastor and his wife are friends with some people down in Celebration that put their hearts and resources together to bless Jason, Em and myself with a change of scenery. Em knows about the beach, but has no idea that she gets to go see Minnie Mouse and Cinderella. We've known now for a couple of months, but we weren't about to tell her such exciting news too soon or the kid would not have taken a nap or gone to bed due to visions of princesses dancing in her head! One time she went to California with her dad on a business trip and stayed with her aunties, uncles and Nana. I told her THAT morning before she left the house! I was pregnant with Noah and it was a little late in the pregnancy to fly, so my best friend came out and we mini "extreme makeovered" Em's room while she was gone. So much excitement...

Anyway, believe me, I don't feel sorry for myself, but being at home with Noah's bedroom door shut for 3.5 months now wears on me at times. I know I have to organize it, especially since we put a contingent offer on a house pending the sale of our own, so now I have to clean it, but sitting here day in and day out does not inspire me to do so. I think leaving the house for a week will give me new perspective and drive to get things in order. I decided about a month ago that I'm not actually going to power organize through all of Noah's things just yet. I am going to pack them in boxes and go through them in time at our new house. I don't want to make rash decisions, and I especially don't want to be rushed making the memory box of treasures that I want to put together for Emily.

Regarding the beach...I know we said that we are going to take Noah's ashes around the world with us and spread them in different oceans, but we're not prepared to explain what we are doing with a 'box of dust' to Emily as of yet. We want her to be a part of that at some point if she desires, but since she's 4.75 (yes, she tells people she's four and three quarters now...), we just aren't ready to go there...

Yesterday I took Em in to Children's to have a CBC done because she's had dark circles under her eyes for about a month and a half and has a little pea sized lump in her lymph nodes on the back of her neck. The doctor wasn't worried about it, but ordered the blood work because, well, I asked him to, and two, he didn't feel it was out of the question to cover our bases. I'm not paranoid because of Noah, but I know too much now about the medical world. We've gone to visit the nurses several times since Noah died and it hasn't been difficult, but yesterday I had to fan my eyes several times to choke back tears. I was sad that my daughter was so comfortable there and knew the building like the back of her hand...

Anyway, some friends and I were at dinner the other night and on our way home were praying for one another and our families. One thing we were praying for was a 16 year old boy in Colorado Springs with Hodgkins Lymphoma who just had a large lump removed from his neck. After we were done I told the girls about Em's little lump and her tired state, and that I wanted to get it checked out but also didn't want to. We prayed again and they encouraged me to take her in the next day. I had already been doing research on mono and other stuff, but, you know, the last time I took my kid into Children's for an out-patient visit...

So, I'm on hold right now waiting for those results...

We are looking forward to family time in Florida and to meeting people we don't even know who have loved us and prayed for us over the past many months. We'll take lots of pictures and post some when we return. I can't wait to sit by the ocean and be in awe of God's creative hand. Have a wonderful week!