Grief counseling, addendum

Recently God's been showing me His beauty in trees. I've been thinking a lot about the growth process from seed to mature tree, the root system, the necessities for growth like sun, water, time and season change. It's the season change that has me thrown for a loop, even though I know it is necessary.

When Noah was born I felt like a summer tree in full bloom, fresh, green, full foliage, healthy. When he got sick and was in the hospital for 5 1/2 months, it was like after the first frost when a tree experiences shock from the temperature and light change. Even though the outward manifestation of fall is magnificent and glorious, the trees are experiencing messages from external forces that cause changes. Because the outward expression of the changes are so beautiful, I doubt the fall tree knows that its colorful leaves will not stay like that forever.

As I look back to life in the midst of Noah's sickness and even in his death, I felt like a fall tree. Noah's life was a beautiful expression of God's love. His life was not in vain. He was a tree planted for the display of God's righteousness. When I drive around and look at the amazing colors of fall this year, I am daily in awe of God's creativity. If I had been God at the dawn of time, I would have thought leaving trees in a constant green, summer state was just fine. Thankfully for all of mankind, I wasn't there! If I had left it summer or constant spring, the whole seed germination process would not have existed and earth would have died out a long time ago.

Anyway, currently, even though I know what happens with trees, I feel like a dead, dormant tree in the middle of winter. My branches feel bare and unlovely. I know Noah's life changed my own and that his story encouraged others for a time, but I am a winter tree that doesn't know that there is something called "spring" on the other side of this state of being. And, technically, that isn't a promise...that spring comes after winter. Many trees can't take the season change. An aspen in our front yard couldn't take it. I know that spring is the season for fruit, but in the midst of winter, does a bare dormant apple tree know that it has the potential in the upcoming year for a beautiful harvest?