Grief counseling, week 2

Jason's show and tell
Jason's show and tell

Noah was made up of every wonderful trait his father has...compassion, humility, generosity, selflessness, kindness, gentleness, self-control, patience, love, pure and simple love.
Well, the facilitator reminded us tonight that this class needs to be a priority. She encouraged us not to make any major changes that would entail missing the class like, for instance she said, traveling, moving, getting a new job, etc. Oops, we'll be doing the first two, but we are committed to this class and should only miss one night...

After counseling tonight Jason and I went to our favorite Thai restaurant for a bite. Yes, the thought of food is nauseating after sitting for an hour and a half of crying and talking about grief, but honestly, I'm not going to lie, on Monday's until December 3rd, I will be taking part in emotional eating. Heck, the facilitator provides chocolate. I wouldn't want to offend her...

Anyway, at dinner I asked Jason if he were to blog about counseling tonight what would he write? He said simply that he is a mess. I asked if it was all because of Noah or all the faces of the other parents and kids represented in the room. He said that it's both, but mostly how deeply he misses Noah. He said that he knows the counseling is good and necessary but that each week so far there has been such a deep sadness in his heart. He said it is good for him to talk about it, though, and appreciates the setting.

So, tonight's homework assignment was to bring a picture to leave on the board and then an object that reminds us of our child. I brought 'Sushi', a blankie my friend Kim sent along for Noah on August 8th, 2006. I brought it to share because 'Sushi' was Noah's trademark blanket. I'm grateful I had mind enough in January not to have him cremated in it, along with his other 3 blankets. I also brought Noah's little Bible that Em picked out with his hand and foot print in it that we read to him every day. I used to love jumping in his crib and reading it into his sweet ear while I rubbed the tip of my nose on his cheek. We got through the Psalms, Proverbs, the story of Noah in Genesis, and the New Testament before he died. My 7 month old had heard more truth in his little life than a lot of grown ups. Jason passed around his silver bracelet he had made that he wears every day. He had it made shortly after Noah died by an artist on etsy. It says, "Nothing Missing, Nothing Broken" "Noah Steven Graves Crowned in Peace".

It is such an important thing, remembering. Regardless of the difficulty of the circumstances surrounding a person's death, remembering is important because no matter the time and distance between the day of their death and the very moment in which you are present, that person was real, that person loved you and was loved by you, and that person remains real, though in a completely different place. Each parent tonight had a treasure to hold dear, in order to remember, though their child is no longer able to be held by them. If you or someone you know is grieving, please don't put time limits or expectations on that person or yourself. The reality is, grieving people will always have profound loss on this earth. We will never get over it. In your grief, just because someone is physically gone does not mean you aren't allowed to remember them. Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve and what amount of time is appropriate. There was one woman tonight whose family got rid of all her daughter's belongings while she was beside herself with grief and her husband told her she has to just get over it. What the heck!? Lemme at him!

Here is something hopeful the Lord showed me the other day...each day that I am further from Noah's death I am closer to seeing him again. Maranatha!

Sushi's debut
October 8th, one year ago
Sushi and Noah get some fresh air


The picture Jason took tonight
The picture I took
Holding hands over Sushi