SEX!

Quick, I have to write this before I forget...

Me: Is Clare pregnant?
Em: Claire, my babysitter?
Jason (simultaneously with Em): Clare N?
Me: Yes.
Jason: Yeah, about 6 months, maybe.
Me: Thanks for letting me know...
Em: Claire my babysitter? She's 16. How can she have a baby?
*Smoke fills the room, lights dim, Beethoven's Symphony #1 in C, Allegro con Brio begins to play dramatically, mom and dad's heart rates elevate ever so slightly...


Jason: No, not Claire your babysitter, Em, though that does happen sometimes.
Me, while scrambling egg, milk and cinnamon for Em's french toast: Em, God's design is that babies are born to a mommy and daddy, but it doesn't always happen that way.
Em: Well, then where do babies come from?
Jason and I both have backs turned to Em, out of corner of our eyes, see smirks on one anothers' faces...
Me to Jason regarding french toast: Want to take over here?
Me: Em, that is actually a very important question that daddy and I have wanted to talk to you about for a while. Mommy and daddy want you to learn this from us because that's how God designed it. It's important that you learn this from us and not other people first.
Jason: But, we don't have time right now to talk about this so we'll talk about it when you are done with soccer tonight...
Em, looking at clock, still waiting for french toast: It's only 8:00, we have plenty of time...
Me: Em, this is such an important conversation that daddy and I want to make sure we have plenty of time to share with you...and if you have questions.
French toast miraculously appears on a plate in front of my sweet peanut!
Me: Eat, Em, we don't want to be late for school...

SOOOOO, we've been praying for the right opportunity to share with Em on the topic of 'where babies come from' and waiting on God for His timing. I actually went to a 'sex talk' on how to share this important topic with our children, delivered by Mary Flo Ridley, about a month ago. I honestly went into the session thinking I was being proactive by a few years and wouldn't need that information until Em was about 25, the day before her wedding! Just kidding! But more like 8 or 10ish. Well, I came home from the sex talk and told Jason that I wanted to tell Em about it right away...NOW HEAR ME OUT...some may be freaking out at the prospect of telling a 6 year old how babies are made, but Mrs. Ridley shares that you don't start with the sensual part of the education, nor the fears and dangers, not right away. You start with the biological facts. Actually, she encourages us as parents to start with a mission statement, if you will, regarding the underlying foundation of truth regarding sex upon which you want to build the remaining components of your families sexual education. So, if you watched the video above, you got a couple of examples. Her family 'motto' is: Sex is a gift from God designed for marriage. Jason and I both appreciate that working definition, knowing full well, obviously from the conversation above, that we'll be explaining other scenarios...though, that layer of the big picture might not occur until a later time.

Anyway, I am so grateful to my friend Kim who let Em collect eggs from her hens last summer. Em knows that the reason the eggs aren't chicks is because they weren't fertilized by the rooster. This is something, biologically, she understands, yet without realizing there is the missing link of HOW the rooster actually carries out fertilization...so, we are going to go from there, relating that mommy has eggs and daddy has the 'fertilizer' component, using the official biological terms.

I'll give an update in case any other parent is nervous about this conversation. Jason and I are very much on the same page about educating Emily about the facts first instead of Em learning really stupid things from her peers on the playground. Also, we want Emily to be taught the truth, God's truth, and WE ARE RESPONSIBLE AS HER PARENTS TO DO THAT, not relying on the school system to do so. Ridley likened kids to sponges...they soak up all sorts of things that they see and hear and once they are full, when we finally try to teach them something important (like waiting until their junior high friends have already told them dumb stuff and experimentation may have already occurred), they get squeemish at the thought of talking about sex to their parents...EEEEWWWWW, HOW EMBARRASSING...the very people who should have empowered them with God's truth in the first place.

Ridley recommends peeling off layers of the conversation by beginning with the facts, plain and simple, always bringing it back to your family mission statement, and then, 1 to 2 years prior to puberty, the same sex respective parent takes the kid on a special little retreat or all day outing where you actually do talk about the more in depth topics, like fears and dangers, the world's social expectations, including STD's, pregnancy, oral sex, dating, infertility because of STD's, all sorts of things...to prepare them for their future. She recommends drawing out a time line of life, like 90 years or so, and having your child dream and brainstorm about life goals and what things they desire to do when they grow up, putting those on the time line. Then, on a time line of 90 years, show them how short the time of adolescence is and then, share with them that those can all be things they pursue and succeed in, encouraging them that they are responsible for their decisions, and that some may or may not be able to come to fruition depending on choices made day to day, namely sexual choices.

Basically, if you are ever given the opportunity to listen to one of her teaching CD's or can hear her in person, I highly recommend taking the time to listen to Mary Flo Ridley's presentation.

As a mom, I have always desired to have this and every other area of life be an open door for my children to be able to talk to me. It is important that I not fearfully avoid the most important topics in life like God, faith, death, sex, hope, etc. because if I avoid them if I am uncomfortable with a specific question or topic, my children, who are designed by God to be curious and hungry to learn, will find that information elsewhere! They will! Sex isn't dirty. God made it. Yeah, God. He made sex and called it good. So, if you give pat answers to your children that 'We don't talk about that' or 'that's naughty', they will get the idea that it is wrong and bad. And, years down the road, what God intended to be beautiful inside marriage will be perverted along the way.

The world mocks Christians for abstinence education. I'm sad for the world for not realizing God made sex, called it good, designed it for marriage so life wouldn't have to be too complicated, yet provides Himself as our Comforter when it has broken our heart or shattered our dreams, knowing we are people of our own wills...because He restores. Teach your kids about the sex God designed...it will provide for the future great husbands and wives one day...

To be continued...