Generations

Here's a video my mom just sent me...

Will our generation forget those who have lived before us?  Those that worked so diligently and made our cushy lives possible?  The ones that no matter how crotchety they may seem on the outside, endured more in their lives than we can even fathom?  The part of the population we curse for driving/walking/existing too slowly in front of us? 

Those still living, though not to the fullest, maybe with the aide of diapers and pureed food, without memories able to be shared?

Are we so busy living our lives that we forget simple things, no matter the age, like saying, "Hello!"

Are we annoyed because we have to repeat ourselves several times in order for them to hear us?  That we have to raise our voices because their hearing aids aren't in...

I don't think so.

I think we, and by "we" I mean anyone who hasn't gotten AARP literature in the mail yet, are afraid.

We are afraid of getting old.  We are afraid of not being in control.  Afraid of the unknown.  Afraid our bladders may give out or we'll need a new set of teeth...or more realistically, we're afraid of being alone.

"When I grow old, I want to live to such and such an age and then go quietly in my sleep..."

Who frickin' doesn't?!  I mean, that's my grampa's dream, but it's still not happening for him just yet.

Old people aren't scary...they are just you and me, but crinklier and a heck of a lot wiser.  They all have stories, boat loads of them, some seasoned with beauty, others with pain, loss, sadness. 

On a daily basis, I don't sit around and think about old people.  My mom does.  She visits my gramps every. single. day.  This winter we've been passing the "sick" baton more than I like, but when I think of it, not that I want to get my grampa sick, but avoiding visiting him b/c my kids are sick is a lame excuse...

It's about as irrational as my faulty thinking 5 and a half years ago when I literally thought:

I don't want to kiss Noah on the lips because he might get sick...and die, or something!

I mean, really!  What the honk?! #$%^&* 

So, instead of being afraid of having nothing in common with an old person, let's ALL stop focusing on ourselves (this is written by me, to me, in case you are getting cranky at me, thinking I THINK I have it altogether...this is a smack down for me, too!), that we even need to find ANYTHING in common, and let's sit and just LISTEN.

Be specific with questions: 

• Do you remember how old you were during the Depression?  Were you born yet?
• What did you and your siblings do when your parents had to work?
• Did you ever date anyone before you met Grandma?
• What are some of your earliest childhood memories?
• What did you and your friends like to do for fun?
• When you met Grandpa, do you remember what you first thought?
• What was your wedding like?  Or did you elope?
• What was your first job?  Your favorite job?
• Do you remember what life was like around the Civil Rights Movement?
• How old were you at your first memory of our country going to war?
• What was your favorite subject in school?
• When you were a kid, what was your dream job or a goal you wanted to reach in life?  Did you?
• When did you know you wanted to marry Grampa/Gramma?
• What was it like to be a parent for the first time?  Were you scared?  Did you want to do it like your parents had or change up a few things?
• Lots and lots of questions...

Yes, some of their stories will be completely crazy, maybe even inappropriate for the grandkids to hear, but who cares?!  They are real people with real stories to tell...I just wonder how many of their stories have never been told...

So here's a dare:  I dare you to get yourself an old person.  If you have one that you already spend lots of time with, great!  That is so great!  Maybe introduce that special old person to another old person. 

My gramps is in a residential care home with about 6 other old people.  They all have their own recliners and most of them nap the whole day long, but whenever we walk in with Em and Ryan, they wake up.  Em went there the other day with my parents and took her stacking cups...she did a little "show" for the folks.

Feel free to come here and post a story about your old person or put a link to your blog so we can read it.  The point is, there are lonely old people "out there" that would love just a "hello...."

Afraid to take them candy b/c their teeth will fall out?  Afraid to kiss them b/c you might make them sick?  Afraid to sit and listen, look into their eyes, and hold their hand b/c you might be touched by something bigger than yourself?  That you might fall in love with the old person and then they'll go and die...

It's okay.  No one ever was condemned for loving their neighbor...

Old Geezers

So, last December my folks moved to within 10 minutes of us in Castle Rock, CO, hailing from Fountain Hills, AZ.

And with them came my 93 year old Grandpa at the time. 

Here we are last Spring...

Today, Gramps as I affectionately have always called him, is 94, pushing 95 in March, 2012.  Lou, as others know him, now lives a little over a mile from my house door to door.  He needed a little extra care that my mom currently fighting cancer, could not provide...plus, he needed to have a bit more "social" interaction.

On my way home from running some errands yesterday, kid-free mind you, I decided to stop by and give my Gramps a kiss.

I also had a question to ask him, the answer to which "No" was not an option.  I'm just that stubborn...

Let me set the scene for you:  Three senior, and I mean senior, seniors, snuggled under warm blankets all in their individual reclining chairs watching football on a pretty sweet gigantic flat screen...each of them with a personal bowl of potato chips on their laps.  No, they didn't have white tank tops on and none of them have enough hair to grow mullets.  And to clarify, by watching I mean: in between naps, they catch the game.  Anyway, when the kids are with me I usually sit in the chair next to my grandpa but I wanted to be a little closer to him so I knelt down next to him instead.  He had been cat-napping but was happy to see me so we visited a while.

I told him I was sorry it had been so long since my last visit, that we had been out of town, Ryan has been sick off and on, etc.  Believe me, it's not cool to spread kid germs to already frail grandparents!  Especially whatever Ryan has had!

And then I dropped the question.  My mom already told me he told her, "Thank you, but no."  But, I'm like a preschooler...I'm persistent :)

"Gramps, I would like to invite you to our house for Thanksgiving."

You may think this is just your run of the mill question and it would be quite obvious for a grandparent to respond, "Well yes, of course, we'd be delighted!   Thank you, Dearie!  Is there anything we can bring?"

But my Gramps thinks at 94, he's a real bore.  He thinks since his teeth aren't as dapper or useful as they once were, he'd just be a hassle to have around because he can't eat most of the food and will just sit in a chair and take up space.  

He grabbed my hand and held it close to his chest.  He looked at me and thanked me for the invitation but assured me it would be better if he didn't come.

I didn't let go of my grandpa's hand for the next 45 minutes...even when I wiped a drip from his nose.  His hand was soft, no longer callused from 75+ years of hard work, and it was warm in mine.

I said, "Gramps, guess what?!  You aren't a burden, you are just old.  And, Thanksgiving is the perfect meal because you can eat pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, soft stuffing, and I'll even puree you some turkey, if that even sounds good to you?  It's all soft food so you'll be able to eat whatever you want!"

He looked at me out of the corner of his eye and smiled a little.  He patted my hand with his other hand and said, "Sweetie, thanks, but really, it's too much work."

I knew I had to plead my case so I dropped a name.  You've done it.  When you need to make a connection work or want to get something done.

"Gramps, Jason's Grandpa is flying in from South Dakota.  He hasn't gotten on a plane in probably 5 years, so it's a really big step for him.  He wanted to see all of his grand kids and great-grand kids.  I know he'd love to see you!"

"How old is he?"

"89."

Here's Jason's Grandpa and Em and Ry last summer...

These men have seen a lot of life.  They have experienced great joys, losses, disappointments, celebrations, both widowers wishing they were anywhere else but living life on earth without their brides.  They love their kids and grand kids and are grateful for the visits, but each night when they are alone I am not there with their thoughts of longings and what if's. 

We talked about what my Gramps would have done if he hadn't been a trucker and school bus driver.  He asked me what kind of work Jason's grandpa had done.  We talked about a lot of things.

*Em was quiet in the car one day after we had visited Gramps.  I asked her what was up and she said she didn't really know him that well so didn't really know what to say to him.  I told her even though his outward appearance seems old and frail and can be a little intimidating to kids, my Gramps is a man with a story, just like anyone else.  I told her she could tell him all about school and her friends, and in turn, to feel free to ask him anything.

The older people in our lives have a lot of stories to tell...yet they are the ones without social media outlets, the know-how of texting or cell phone usage.  They are sitting quietly, often napping, in old folks' facilities, filled with 90 plus years of real-life lessons with so very much wisdom to offer.  To learn their stories all you need is a chair and listening ear.

Somehow, though, in this day and age, it's the 20, 30 and even 40-somethings doing all the chatting.

There's nothing wrong with us sharing our experiences, our stories, even things we have learned on our journeys.

However, if there is an older person in your life, stop and ask yourself if you've asked them a question lately like, "Gramps, what was such and such like when you were 13, 24, 36, 58, 79...?"  Sometimes a smile will grace their lips as they recall a memory, other times tears may well, or it's quite possible the memory just won't be there, trapped deep in their heart without a way to be shared.

My point is this, just taking the time to ask and to listen may add a bit more life to their already grown and tired souls.

Do you have an old geezer in your life?  

I have two, my Gramps and Jason's, and they'll be eating mashed potatoes at my dining room table together for Thanksgiving this year.  And for that, I am thankful...