Reading Through the Bible in 90 Days

Time is my love language.

For whatever reason, time is a really big deal to me.  How I use it or the people it is filled with, it's a big deal because there is only so much of it and deep in my heart I desire to be a good steward of this gift called time.

As a result, tangible gifts from me will be haphazard, at best.  When I am out and about, if I see something which reminds me of you, two things may occur.  If I have money in the budget, I'll buy it for you because it may bring a smile to your face.  However, if it's something I can make, I'd rather spend the time using my hands to create it for you, one because it's therapeutic to use my hands, and two, I'm a bit old fashioned.  Homemade gifts are timeless and remind me of a more simple way of living.  The second thing which may occur is not a purchase at all, but some time spent thinking about you, because a particular thing or place reminded me of you.  I'll talk to the Creator of the Universe who knows you better than I do, and I'll ask Him to bless your heart, fill you with His Spirit, spend a bit of time, honored to know you, humbled to communicate with our loving God who made you on purpose, because He loves you and has a plan for your life.

Time.

In my life, time can equal love and goodness, or it may equal angst and contempt, depending on the people who fill it, the circumstances surrounding time spent, and how my heart is rooted in God's love to filter it either way.

So, as you know, along with a group of women all over the country who joined me randomly via Facebook, I am reading the Bible cover to cover in 90 days.  I don't say this because I think I'm all that and a bag of chips.  I'm just saying it.  It's what I've chosen to do with a good chunk of time most every day for the next 90 days or as long as it takes.

And let me just say, all at once, this time has been a real pain in the ass and completely beautiful.

In 26 years of Bible reading, I've never read it cover to cover, beginning to end.  I've read the New Testament dozens of times, studied it, marked it up, some books more than others, some chapters over and over and over.  As far as the Old Testament goes, I've spent time in every book, studying some stories or books more than others, but admittedly, skipping over names and lineages of names I can't pronounce.  I've also knowingly skimmed and brushed over the wars and fighting, the doom and gloom, the bloodshed and some of the prophecies of time here or in the future, all of which is in God's hands and line of sight, not really wanting to get swept away with all the, "What if's?"

Really, cherry picking, if you will, choosing to spend time reading the words which challenge me and fill my heart.

But in reading cover to cover, in a concentrated amount of time, there is no such luxury.  As far as it being a pain in the ass, I read the Laws and literally cry out to God, "Really?!  Are You serious?!  I'd rather spend time reading something sweet and lovely, Lord!!!"  And then the bloodshed and massacres, wars and looting, rape, incest, murder and deceit...I am grateful to know there is more to the Story.  More to come.  Time not yet fulfilled.  I am torn because we are appalled at modern day atrocities, yet they aren't modern but a continuation of a world lost without God leading the way in the day to day, in countries and communities, tribes and families, individual hearts.

"True Love" Tattoo brooch by Zoe Larkins, Etsy shop owner.

However,  there is where the beauty lies.  As I sit with these heart-wrenching stories, dredge through lineages and unnecessary gore, anticipating what I know is a True Love Story, realizing the ground work of what I am reading is a picture of WHY Jesus came in the first place, I'm reminded of His words and instructions which I have known not only for 26 years, but since I was a little child, at night, before bedtime...one day at a time, Your Kingdom come, Your will be done...

And somehow this time spent filling my head and heart with pictures of historical mayhem and the future not yet revealed has also filled my spirit with interface time with the God of the Universe who loves all of us and sees a bigger picture which has good in store.

Even in wrestling with the difficult questions, I'm wrestling with the Divine.  The very thought of which is beautiful.

Time well spent.

History in Pictures

Happy 20th Anniversary, Sweetheart!  20 years.  I wrote a "Husband List" before we even met and started dating.  It was 6 pages long.  No pressure, right?!  I think it was the "thing" to do in Christendom way back when, now hidden in a journal somewhere in the basement.   On it were things about integrity, wisdom, a sense of humor, someone who was a good financial steward.  Truth be told, I don't recall all the things I thought a husband should be, or at least things I wanted in one, but I remember the first item and it read like this:

1. My husband has to love God more than he loves me.  If this isn't in order, nothing else will be.

In my immaturity as a 21 year old girl marrying the love of her life, somewhere in my heart I'm sure I thought you would be all those things when we walked down the aisle.

Time and maturity and many moments on our knees before God have shown me how very short the list could have been in the first place.  The rest has been icing on the cake.  After I self-righteously scribed "The Husband" list years ago, the person leading us in the exercise said, "Okay, now, before you can expect those tings from another person, you have to be willing to let God instruct YOU in them, as well."

It's safe to say, this has been a journey of learning, the best and hardest lessons of my life, but I can't imagine not learning to love and live without you by my side. 

For a man of few words, you sure married a wordy girl.  I could just write, "I love you," but there's just so much more to it with 20+ years of inside jokes, memories shared, world travels, losing loved ones, having kids, remodeling 2 houses, job losses and gains.  All I know is, you could write a post entitled, "What Every Husband, and Guy Whoever Wants to be One, Needs to Know to Have a Happy and Healthy Marriage."  Sweetheart, you are an expert in this field, and I think it boils down to you doing these three things very, very, very well:

You love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, and mind...and you love your neighbor as you love yourself.

And by neighbor, that would be me. *wink, wink

Marriages are crumbling and dying all around us.  This isn't to say we haven't walked through gray areas, dry zones, and faced what seemed insurmountable obstacles.  We have.

But I love God more than I love you, too, and so it's worked.  We work.

I told you "I love you" first.

A note your mom gave to me before our wedding.  This is a letter every mom should write to their future child-in-law.

June 26th, 1993

Our first self-portrait as Mr. and Mrs. Jason Graves, ready to set out on the first of many adventures.

10 nights in paradise

Your leg was shaking as you braced yourself over the waterfalls.  Thanks for splurging on our student income...Maui was a fantastic memory!

Remember the storm that morning?  So much has changed since the time this picture was taken.  I was so blessed to know your dad, Sweetheart!  And my heart is full to call your mom a dear friend and to walk and do life with my parents in the day to day.  We are so rich!

Your first Weber at Foxfire, Tulsa, OK

I love that besides Mexico, every country I've ever traveled to, it's been with you!  Here's a sweet little Siberian fan of yours.

I believe this anniversary consisted of strange tasting pizza in St. Petersburg, followed up with 60 teenagers asking us how our date went...

I know we moved to MN for your PhD, but I just want to thank you for putting up with me and my love of student ministry and mentoring girls.  Those 5 years I worked at NWC were a highlight of my 20's, even as rough as some of them were.  I can't believe I got paid to hang out with hundreds of young women year after year!  Thank YOU for being secure in who you are and never being jealous of the time I spent with the girls!   I loved that job and every girl I met there.  My life is richer for knowing each one, and though you were quiet and working on your thesis most of that time, I felt your constant support, so thank you! You seriously are the best!

Here you are on a bro-mance getaway to Alaska...because that is something we both shared openly up front:  friendship and time with our guys or girlfriends is important.  I appreciate so much your healthy, balanced approach to knowing you can't fill my every need, nor can I fill yours.  I'm so grateful you have had man getaways and I just want to say, "Thank you!" for the times you've encouraged me to be with my Bevies!

More bro-mance happening over turkey carcasses...

On top of the world...or at least the Andes.  I always wanted to travel the world...I didn't figure we'd always have teenagers with us, but hey, leading trips meant they were paid for, hey hey!!!

Thanks for allowing me this one semi-crush.  Bono is too short for me, and married and all, but I never wanted to marry him...you have always been the only man I ever wanted to marry.  Thanks for all the concerts over the years.

Our first house in White Bear Lake.  We sure did make that thing cute!  I remember being in the basement, barely pregnant with Emily, watching airplanes fly into the Twin Towers.  Better memories, however, were living only a few blocks away from Ryan and Shannon, walking over to that burger place or Einstein's, and playing pranks on our friends.

Ahh, Gramma Pat's house.  Thank you for your patience with me as the daughter of a builder who saw no reasons why we couldn't just knock down that wall and that wall and that wall, all while pregnant with our firstborn!  Were we crazy?  All I know, I was large and in charge!  You did a beautiful job on that place, Sweetheart!  Thanks for making 803 Poplar our home!

I always knew you'd be a great dad!  You were pretty in awe of Emily making her sweet entrance into the world!  Thanks for holding my hand, helping me breathe, and pushing my hair out of my face.  It still blows my mind that God would say, the very moment she was born, "I love her more!" 

Our Peanut, Firstborn, Daddy's Girl. circa 2004

And since you or I had never been a parent before, all I can say is, I'm glad we've gotten to "wing it" together!  We haven't done it all right, but I think she's turning out alright...and that because you place God first.

I think this was our first official nugget of time away from Em.  Thanks for playing in the Big Apple with me!  We've been in some pretty fun places together!  Can't wait for some more!

Pretty sure this is our 12th anniversary when we first discovered Vesta Dipping Grill.

Perks of you working for a company out of England...Thanks for letting us tag along for a couple of weeks.  Thanks for being sweet and enduring my love of Lady Di and having lunch at that one place plastered with her pictures, too.

Oh man, this was a fun trip!  Remember the little Japanese ladies who came to our hotel room and walked on our backs?  How was that naked business meeting of yours?  Awkward?  #japanesebathhouse #nikkojapan #tallestpeopleinjapanthatweek

Our firstborn son.  Oh man, I was so happy to give you a boy, and selfishly to soak him up myself.  Thanks for being a champ and going along with inviting all my Bevies into the delivery room!  Thanks, too, for choosing Noah's name.  It was beautiful...he was beautiful!

Mt. Evans hike with your man cub, June or July 2006.

August 2nd, 2006.  God was my Solid Rock, you were my hand to hold and shoulder to lean on.  Your faithfulness was unmatched.

We celebrated his 1st birthday surrounded by friends and rainbows in the sky.  He was the only one not in attendance.

Years later, on this anniversary, I think we had found our smile again...

On this one, I know we did, because the following picture is a result...wakka, wakka

Brave, protective big sister...scared mama, trying to treasure the life of the one growing in me.  Thanks for taking a risk with me, Sweetheart!  Trying this whole "having a kid again" thing was a rollercoaster, but one I'm glad I got on.  Thanks for holding my hair back as I puked my way through the fear.  You're kind of awesome!

I know you were tired, physically and emotionally.  By this picture, you and I had already celebrated 17 anniversaries!  Honored to welcome into our lives this son named after your friend. 

#deepcontentmentandthankfulness #utterexhaustion #ilovemyguys

20 years, Sweetheart.  20 years.  You are the most generous man I've ever known.  You are wise, in fact, those scriptures in Proverbs about wise guys with few words, well, I know God wrote some of those specifically about you. 

This is from our 19th wedding anniversary last year having Spanish tapas in downtown Denver.  This year we'll be having tapas in Spain.  I can't wait for more adventures, though I do not take for granted all we've already shared.

Jason Aaron Graves, you are my very best friend and I'd say "I do" all over again if you asked me.  But this time I would skip the poofy dress...

I sure love you, Sweetheart!
xoxox 

Stop the Insanity!

So, I was waiting for the elevator the other day, pondering life...

photo taken at the Lifelike display at the Walker Arts Museum, Minneapolis,
artist: Maurizio Cattelan

And as I pondered (the elevator took FOREVER...) I got to thinking about the busyness and craziness that is this fast-paced, hectic life.

Often I am caught in the cycle and it takes a concerted effort to jump off the hamster wheel to assess what is good and what is plain and simple:  busyness.

I multi-task.

I would venture guess I might not be the only one, however, just because many of us multi-task, does not make it right.

In some scenarios, multi-tasking is perfectly fine.  An example might be eating chocolate, caramel and sea salt all at once.  Or, even, enjoying a bottle of wine with friends while you grill out and watch the sunset, laughing and rehashing old memories.  These types of "multi-tasking" are beneficial, I would say.

But what about the horrible thing I did to a new friend today when I selfishly put my 2 days worth of dishes from the sink into the dishwasher while the coffee was brewing and as she shared some of her story?  Is that an appropriate kind of "multi-tasking?"

NO.  It's not!

Yes, she is the kind of new friend who feels like we've known each other a while and there is a level of comfort there.  BUT!

I didn't even have the excuse of gathering clean mugs from the dishwasher for our coffee.  The problem is, I hadn't built in any margin from the previous few days and my mom was coming over to watch Ryan while I headed out to do a video shoot (that literally happened last minute) after having coffee with my friend.  I knew if I left the dishes and headed to the shoot, my mom would do them and I didn't want my mom to have to do my dishes...just because I hadn't built margin into my life.

Either way, multi-tasking when it comes to relationships is tricky.  Multi-tasking while shopping in the grocery store without a written list, also tricky.  Phone on one ear, while getting a kid out of a car seat, while holding a diaper bag, purse, coat, sippy cup, and favorite "zebra", super duper tricky...

Dishes can go 3 days, rather than just two.  If I could go back several hours today, I'd say, "Screw the dishes.  Sitting face to face the whole time is more important than dishes."

So, all that to say:  If you are grossed out by coming to my house because my dishes aren't done, but you are looking for a listener, I'm there for you.  I learned my lesson today.  Dishes will always be with us...genuine heart to heart conversation will not.

Sorry, Tracy...I hope you'll give me a second chance.  


Do you have a multi-tasking story, that, when looking back, you know stole your attention from something much more important and eternal?

Old Geezers

So, last December my folks moved to within 10 minutes of us in Castle Rock, CO, hailing from Fountain Hills, AZ.

And with them came my 93 year old Grandpa at the time. 

Here we are last Spring...

Today, Gramps as I affectionately have always called him, is 94, pushing 95 in March, 2012.  Lou, as others know him, now lives a little over a mile from my house door to door.  He needed a little extra care that my mom currently fighting cancer, could not provide...plus, he needed to have a bit more "social" interaction.

On my way home from running some errands yesterday, kid-free mind you, I decided to stop by and give my Gramps a kiss.

I also had a question to ask him, the answer to which "No" was not an option.  I'm just that stubborn...

Let me set the scene for you:  Three senior, and I mean senior, seniors, snuggled under warm blankets all in their individual reclining chairs watching football on a pretty sweet gigantic flat screen...each of them with a personal bowl of potato chips on their laps.  No, they didn't have white tank tops on and none of them have enough hair to grow mullets.  And to clarify, by watching I mean: in between naps, they catch the game.  Anyway, when the kids are with me I usually sit in the chair next to my grandpa but I wanted to be a little closer to him so I knelt down next to him instead.  He had been cat-napping but was happy to see me so we visited a while.

I told him I was sorry it had been so long since my last visit, that we had been out of town, Ryan has been sick off and on, etc.  Believe me, it's not cool to spread kid germs to already frail grandparents!  Especially whatever Ryan has had!

And then I dropped the question.  My mom already told me he told her, "Thank you, but no."  But, I'm like a preschooler...I'm persistent :)

"Gramps, I would like to invite you to our house for Thanksgiving."

You may think this is just your run of the mill question and it would be quite obvious for a grandparent to respond, "Well yes, of course, we'd be delighted!   Thank you, Dearie!  Is there anything we can bring?"

But my Gramps thinks at 94, he's a real bore.  He thinks since his teeth aren't as dapper or useful as they once were, he'd just be a hassle to have around because he can't eat most of the food and will just sit in a chair and take up space.  

He grabbed my hand and held it close to his chest.  He looked at me and thanked me for the invitation but assured me it would be better if he didn't come.

I didn't let go of my grandpa's hand for the next 45 minutes...even when I wiped a drip from his nose.  His hand was soft, no longer callused from 75+ years of hard work, and it was warm in mine.

I said, "Gramps, guess what?!  You aren't a burden, you are just old.  And, Thanksgiving is the perfect meal because you can eat pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, soft stuffing, and I'll even puree you some turkey, if that even sounds good to you?  It's all soft food so you'll be able to eat whatever you want!"

He looked at me out of the corner of his eye and smiled a little.  He patted my hand with his other hand and said, "Sweetie, thanks, but really, it's too much work."

I knew I had to plead my case so I dropped a name.  You've done it.  When you need to make a connection work or want to get something done.

"Gramps, Jason's Grandpa is flying in from South Dakota.  He hasn't gotten on a plane in probably 5 years, so it's a really big step for him.  He wanted to see all of his grand kids and great-grand kids.  I know he'd love to see you!"

"How old is he?"

"89."

Here's Jason's Grandpa and Em and Ry last summer...

These men have seen a lot of life.  They have experienced great joys, losses, disappointments, celebrations, both widowers wishing they were anywhere else but living life on earth without their brides.  They love their kids and grand kids and are grateful for the visits, but each night when they are alone I am not there with their thoughts of longings and what if's. 

We talked about what my Gramps would have done if he hadn't been a trucker and school bus driver.  He asked me what kind of work Jason's grandpa had done.  We talked about a lot of things.

*Em was quiet in the car one day after we had visited Gramps.  I asked her what was up and she said she didn't really know him that well so didn't really know what to say to him.  I told her even though his outward appearance seems old and frail and can be a little intimidating to kids, my Gramps is a man with a story, just like anyone else.  I told her she could tell him all about school and her friends, and in turn, to feel free to ask him anything.

The older people in our lives have a lot of stories to tell...yet they are the ones without social media outlets, the know-how of texting or cell phone usage.  They are sitting quietly, often napping, in old folks' facilities, filled with 90 plus years of real-life lessons with so very much wisdom to offer.  To learn their stories all you need is a chair and listening ear.

Somehow, though, in this day and age, it's the 20, 30 and even 40-somethings doing all the chatting.

There's nothing wrong with us sharing our experiences, our stories, even things we have learned on our journeys.

However, if there is an older person in your life, stop and ask yourself if you've asked them a question lately like, "Gramps, what was such and such like when you were 13, 24, 36, 58, 79...?"  Sometimes a smile will grace their lips as they recall a memory, other times tears may well, or it's quite possible the memory just won't be there, trapped deep in their heart without a way to be shared.

My point is this, just taking the time to ask and to listen may add a bit more life to their already grown and tired souls.

Do you have an old geezer in your life?  

I have two, my Gramps and Jason's, and they'll be eating mashed potatoes at my dining room table together for Thanksgiving this year.  And for that, I am thankful...