Reading Through the Bible in 90 Days

Time is my love language.

For whatever reason, time is a really big deal to me.  How I use it or the people it is filled with, it's a big deal because there is only so much of it and deep in my heart I desire to be a good steward of this gift called time.

As a result, tangible gifts from me will be haphazard, at best.  When I am out and about, if I see something which reminds me of you, two things may occur.  If I have money in the budget, I'll buy it for you because it may bring a smile to your face.  However, if it's something I can make, I'd rather spend the time using my hands to create it for you, one because it's therapeutic to use my hands, and two, I'm a bit old fashioned.  Homemade gifts are timeless and remind me of a more simple way of living.  The second thing which may occur is not a purchase at all, but some time spent thinking about you, because a particular thing or place reminded me of you.  I'll talk to the Creator of the Universe who knows you better than I do, and I'll ask Him to bless your heart, fill you with His Spirit, spend a bit of time, honored to know you, humbled to communicate with our loving God who made you on purpose, because He loves you and has a plan for your life.

Time.

In my life, time can equal love and goodness, or it may equal angst and contempt, depending on the people who fill it, the circumstances surrounding time spent, and how my heart is rooted in God's love to filter it either way.

So, as you know, along with a group of women all over the country who joined me randomly via Facebook, I am reading the Bible cover to cover in 90 days.  I don't say this because I think I'm all that and a bag of chips.  I'm just saying it.  It's what I've chosen to do with a good chunk of time most every day for the next 90 days or as long as it takes.

And let me just say, all at once, this time has been a real pain in the ass and completely beautiful.

In 26 years of Bible reading, I've never read it cover to cover, beginning to end.  I've read the New Testament dozens of times, studied it, marked it up, some books more than others, some chapters over and over and over.  As far as the Old Testament goes, I've spent time in every book, studying some stories or books more than others, but admittedly, skipping over names and lineages of names I can't pronounce.  I've also knowingly skimmed and brushed over the wars and fighting, the doom and gloom, the bloodshed and some of the prophecies of time here or in the future, all of which is in God's hands and line of sight, not really wanting to get swept away with all the, "What if's?"

Really, cherry picking, if you will, choosing to spend time reading the words which challenge me and fill my heart.

But in reading cover to cover, in a concentrated amount of time, there is no such luxury.  As far as it being a pain in the ass, I read the Laws and literally cry out to God, "Really?!  Are You serious?!  I'd rather spend time reading something sweet and lovely, Lord!!!"  And then the bloodshed and massacres, wars and looting, rape, incest, murder and deceit...I am grateful to know there is more to the Story.  More to come.  Time not yet fulfilled.  I am torn because we are appalled at modern day atrocities, yet they aren't modern but a continuation of a world lost without God leading the way in the day to day, in countries and communities, tribes and families, individual hearts.

"True Love" Tattoo brooch by Zoe Larkins, Etsy shop owner.

However,  there is where the beauty lies.  As I sit with these heart-wrenching stories, dredge through lineages and unnecessary gore, anticipating what I know is a True Love Story, realizing the ground work of what I am reading is a picture of WHY Jesus came in the first place, I'm reminded of His words and instructions which I have known not only for 26 years, but since I was a little child, at night, before bedtime...one day at a time, Your Kingdom come, Your will be done...

And somehow this time spent filling my head and heart with pictures of historical mayhem and the future not yet revealed has also filled my spirit with interface time with the God of the Universe who loves all of us and sees a bigger picture which has good in store.

Even in wrestling with the difficult questions, I'm wrestling with the Divine.  The very thought of which is beautiful.

Time well spent.

History in Pictures

Happy 20th Anniversary, Sweetheart!  20 years.  I wrote a "Husband List" before we even met and started dating.  It was 6 pages long.  No pressure, right?!  I think it was the "thing" to do in Christendom way back when, now hidden in a journal somewhere in the basement.   On it were things about integrity, wisdom, a sense of humor, someone who was a good financial steward.  Truth be told, I don't recall all the things I thought a husband should be, or at least things I wanted in one, but I remember the first item and it read like this:

1. My husband has to love God more than he loves me.  If this isn't in order, nothing else will be.

In my immaturity as a 21 year old girl marrying the love of her life, somewhere in my heart I'm sure I thought you would be all those things when we walked down the aisle.

Time and maturity and many moments on our knees before God have shown me how very short the list could have been in the first place.  The rest has been icing on the cake.  After I self-righteously scribed "The Husband" list years ago, the person leading us in the exercise said, "Okay, now, before you can expect those tings from another person, you have to be willing to let God instruct YOU in them, as well."

It's safe to say, this has been a journey of learning, the best and hardest lessons of my life, but I can't imagine not learning to love and live without you by my side. 

For a man of few words, you sure married a wordy girl.  I could just write, "I love you," but there's just so much more to it with 20+ years of inside jokes, memories shared, world travels, losing loved ones, having kids, remodeling 2 houses, job losses and gains.  All I know is, you could write a post entitled, "What Every Husband, and Guy Whoever Wants to be One, Needs to Know to Have a Happy and Healthy Marriage."  Sweetheart, you are an expert in this field, and I think it boils down to you doing these three things very, very, very well:

You love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, and mind...and you love your neighbor as you love yourself.

And by neighbor, that would be me. *wink, wink

Marriages are crumbling and dying all around us.  This isn't to say we haven't walked through gray areas, dry zones, and faced what seemed insurmountable obstacles.  We have.

But I love God more than I love you, too, and so it's worked.  We work.

I told you "I love you" first.

A note your mom gave to me before our wedding.  This is a letter every mom should write to their future child-in-law.

June 26th, 1993

Our first self-portrait as Mr. and Mrs. Jason Graves, ready to set out on the first of many adventures.

10 nights in paradise

Your leg was shaking as you braced yourself over the waterfalls.  Thanks for splurging on our student income...Maui was a fantastic memory!

Remember the storm that morning?  So much has changed since the time this picture was taken.  I was so blessed to know your dad, Sweetheart!  And my heart is full to call your mom a dear friend and to walk and do life with my parents in the day to day.  We are so rich!

Your first Weber at Foxfire, Tulsa, OK

I love that besides Mexico, every country I've ever traveled to, it's been with you!  Here's a sweet little Siberian fan of yours.

I believe this anniversary consisted of strange tasting pizza in St. Petersburg, followed up with 60 teenagers asking us how our date went...

I know we moved to MN for your PhD, but I just want to thank you for putting up with me and my love of student ministry and mentoring girls.  Those 5 years I worked at NWC were a highlight of my 20's, even as rough as some of them were.  I can't believe I got paid to hang out with hundreds of young women year after year!  Thank YOU for being secure in who you are and never being jealous of the time I spent with the girls!   I loved that job and every girl I met there.  My life is richer for knowing each one, and though you were quiet and working on your thesis most of that time, I felt your constant support, so thank you! You seriously are the best!

Here you are on a bro-mance getaway to Alaska...because that is something we both shared openly up front:  friendship and time with our guys or girlfriends is important.  I appreciate so much your healthy, balanced approach to knowing you can't fill my every need, nor can I fill yours.  I'm so grateful you have had man getaways and I just want to say, "Thank you!" for the times you've encouraged me to be with my Bevies!

More bro-mance happening over turkey carcasses...

On top of the world...or at least the Andes.  I always wanted to travel the world...I didn't figure we'd always have teenagers with us, but hey, leading trips meant they were paid for, hey hey!!!

Thanks for allowing me this one semi-crush.  Bono is too short for me, and married and all, but I never wanted to marry him...you have always been the only man I ever wanted to marry.  Thanks for all the concerts over the years.

Our first house in White Bear Lake.  We sure did make that thing cute!  I remember being in the basement, barely pregnant with Emily, watching airplanes fly into the Twin Towers.  Better memories, however, were living only a few blocks away from Ryan and Shannon, walking over to that burger place or Einstein's, and playing pranks on our friends.

Ahh, Gramma Pat's house.  Thank you for your patience with me as the daughter of a builder who saw no reasons why we couldn't just knock down that wall and that wall and that wall, all while pregnant with our firstborn!  Were we crazy?  All I know, I was large and in charge!  You did a beautiful job on that place, Sweetheart!  Thanks for making 803 Poplar our home!

I always knew you'd be a great dad!  You were pretty in awe of Emily making her sweet entrance into the world!  Thanks for holding my hand, helping me breathe, and pushing my hair out of my face.  It still blows my mind that God would say, the very moment she was born, "I love her more!" 

Our Peanut, Firstborn, Daddy's Girl. circa 2004

And since you or I had never been a parent before, all I can say is, I'm glad we've gotten to "wing it" together!  We haven't done it all right, but I think she's turning out alright...and that because you place God first.

I think this was our first official nugget of time away from Em.  Thanks for playing in the Big Apple with me!  We've been in some pretty fun places together!  Can't wait for some more!

Pretty sure this is our 12th anniversary when we first discovered Vesta Dipping Grill.

Perks of you working for a company out of England...Thanks for letting us tag along for a couple of weeks.  Thanks for being sweet and enduring my love of Lady Di and having lunch at that one place plastered with her pictures, too.

Oh man, this was a fun trip!  Remember the little Japanese ladies who came to our hotel room and walked on our backs?  How was that naked business meeting of yours?  Awkward?  #japanesebathhouse #nikkojapan #tallestpeopleinjapanthatweek

Our firstborn son.  Oh man, I was so happy to give you a boy, and selfishly to soak him up myself.  Thanks for being a champ and going along with inviting all my Bevies into the delivery room!  Thanks, too, for choosing Noah's name.  It was beautiful...he was beautiful!

Mt. Evans hike with your man cub, June or July 2006.

August 2nd, 2006.  God was my Solid Rock, you were my hand to hold and shoulder to lean on.  Your faithfulness was unmatched.

We celebrated his 1st birthday surrounded by friends and rainbows in the sky.  He was the only one not in attendance.

Years later, on this anniversary, I think we had found our smile again...

On this one, I know we did, because the following picture is a result...wakka, wakka

Brave, protective big sister...scared mama, trying to treasure the life of the one growing in me.  Thanks for taking a risk with me, Sweetheart!  Trying this whole "having a kid again" thing was a rollercoaster, but one I'm glad I got on.  Thanks for holding my hair back as I puked my way through the fear.  You're kind of awesome!

I know you were tired, physically and emotionally.  By this picture, you and I had already celebrated 17 anniversaries!  Honored to welcome into our lives this son named after your friend. 

#deepcontentmentandthankfulness #utterexhaustion #ilovemyguys

20 years, Sweetheart.  20 years.  You are the most generous man I've ever known.  You are wise, in fact, those scriptures in Proverbs about wise guys with few words, well, I know God wrote some of those specifically about you. 

This is from our 19th wedding anniversary last year having Spanish tapas in downtown Denver.  This year we'll be having tapas in Spain.  I can't wait for more adventures, though I do not take for granted all we've already shared.

Jason Aaron Graves, you are my very best friend and I'd say "I do" all over again if you asked me.  But this time I would skip the poofy dress...

I sure love you, Sweetheart!
xoxox 

The Birthday Boy!

Jason and I hugged maybe a little more than normal yesterday. We just kept staring at our son, looking at one another, and then finally stating the obvious, "We have a one year old son. We've never had a one year old son before...Thank You, Lord God, for the blessing of Ryan Graves!"

Not trying to be morbid here or overly dramatic.

The truth is, becoming Emily's parents we were blessed with the awe and realization that nurturing a child is not only a gift but a lifelong mission of great responsibility. When Noah was born this understanding was only solidified, then taken to a deeper awe of cherishing each moment, one day at a time. The day Ryan was born I knew time was precious, even the day to day, un-glamorous stuff.

I'm not going to lie and say I am a perfect steward of every moment of each day. But, as Jason and I recently took the Love Language quiz, it was confirmed that our most treasured language is time. We both topped the charts in this area. (I HIGHLY recommend you heading over there now and taking a few minutes to assess your heart. Then, talk to your loved ones and friends about taking the quiz. We had Em take it and it helped us know what we already did...the girl loves to snuggle and spend quality time with people she loves.) So, wasting time is the ultimate blow to my heart. I don't want to waste yours, I get irritated when I've wasted my own, and let's just say, I'm not a fan if someone has overstepped mine.

All that to say, looking back over the last year, Ryan's first year of life, I've been beyond blessed with the opportunity to hibernate and spend time with a very precious little growing soul. I literally sing songs when he poopies, so thankful he has healthy bowels finally. I love greeting him in the morning, seeing his smile and smothering him with kisses. Snuggling him before bed for a few minutes, praying God's blessings over his life, God's calling and anointing in him to glorify God in all that he does, is one of my favorites times of day...crawling on the floor with him, playing catch and fetch...not just giving him a bottle since he's big enough to hold it, but nuggling him as he inhales every drop. So many things. I do not take these for granted.

I know from what we walked through with Noah and having met and spoken with countless other people who have walked similar roads that time is something to be cherished, it goes quickly, and it's nothing we can ever regain.

So, you've never lost a loved one. You still have healthy parents, grandparents, and your friends and family are healthy as a band of horses. That is totally awesome! It's something to rejoice in!

For the most part, that is my life, too! Yes, my mom has breast cancer but she's, "Stronger than your honor student." Yes, my dad is 66 years old today and can't lift a washer and dryer by himself anymore. I've got a healthy husband, healthy kids, and I'm currently the healthiest I've been in my life and I'm pushing 40...

My point is this...whether you've weathered tragedy personally, walked through it with another person, or only observed it from afar...are you stuck on the hamster wheel or are you thanking and living one day at a time?

Because guess what?! There will ALWAYS be financial troubles, broken bones, disease, torrential weather, infidelity, famine, heartache, disappointment, homelessness, someone else with more stuff, etc, etc.

But, tomorrow isn't promised.

TODAY!

Today, start small. Give a hug. Hold a hand. Smooch some lips. Read with your kids. Forgive. Stop, rest, heal. Listen. Pray. Dip your finger in the frosting and let your kids lick the beaters. Forget the obsessive cleaning for a day and discover that the time you spent instead playing a game is what will put a healthy deposit of love and security in your kids' hearts...your husband's heart.


Jesus said, "...therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough trouble of its own..." Matthew 6:34

...and then, "who by worrying can add a single day to his life?"

TODAY! One. Day. At. A. Time.



(I lost my little white thingamajiggy that helps me upload pics...I am headed out to purchase one and will then show you how sweet Ryan was downing his very first allergen free birthday treat!)