"Goodnight Moon!"

On August 28th, our son Ryan turned 2 years old.

Dad was out of town so we celebrated officially once he was home that following weekend with family and friends and sort of allergen-friendly cupcakes...and balloons.  Lots and lots of balloons.

When Emily was 6 months old, we chucked her pacifier to the curb.  Not literally since that's littering, but you know what I mean.  But at 6 months, she didn't remember a thing, so it was a non-issue.

Well, fast forward and enter baby brother and mom's "Advanced Gestation," aka, mid-life pregnancy/crisis, and let's just say, I threw other things to the curb, like, say, rules on pacifiers and rigid sleep training and all the modern rules, like giving a rip what any book might say!  Yes, I "sleep trained" Ryan, but not quite as militantly as I had Emily.  And I've fed him very clean, which I didn't do as well with Em, but all of these things are partially a knee-jerk result of the 8 year gap, which is really only a 4 year gap, if you know what I mean...

What I'm sayin' is:  when your big brother dies, it both works in your favor and detriment as to how on earth your parents may "wing it" and raise you, accordingly.

So, ANYWAY, as far as a pacifier goes, I chose not to get my panties in a wad about it and let Ryan suck, suck, suck away.  At least until Daddy returned shortly after his 2nd birthday.

A reader here a while back, but I don't recall who, gave me the idea in the first place!  (Thank *you*!)

I prepped Ryan for about a month...

Me:  Ry, you are almost 2 years old and so that means you'll be BIG.  This also means you won't be sucking your pacifier any longer.

Ry:  (blank stare...while sucking...)

Me:  And, so, on your 2nd birthday, we are going to tie your pacifier to some balloons and send it to the Moon.  Every night when we go to bed you can look out the window and tell the Moon and your pacifier, "Goodnight!"

Ry:  (sucking voraciously...staring with possible, no, probable, comprehension...)

Me:  So, it'll be so great, Ry!  We'll wave bye-bye as it goes up, up, up to the Moon and you'll be BIG and won't need it anymore!

Ry:  (eyes wide as saucers now...)

Now, let me preface this to say that one of my dear, dear friends who also lost a child encouraged me as I let Ry suck away for 2 years, "OH!  Don't take away the one thing that brings him comfort!"  And that's exactly what I did.  I didn't lose sleep or worry about it, because, of course, there's always braces, right?!

But there's more to the story...

You see, Ryan, our son, is named after his Daddy's good friend, Dr. Ryan Arnold.  And Dr. Ryan Arnold was an exceptional orthodontist.  And Dr. Ryan Arnold would have been our kids' orthodontist, but he passed away living selflessly.  The week before Dr. Ryan Arnold passed away, he examined Emily's teeth and gave us a loose plan of how we'd move forward with her bite and such...and, since I was pregnant and he never actually SAW our Ryan's mouth, he left me with these words, "Ade, don't let your kid suck a pacifier...but if you do, I'll fix it later..."

And then he smiled his great smile, which, incidentally, was straight and white...

Nice.

Nice, except Jason and I are taking "Financial Peace University" right now and let's just say several thousand dollars for Ryan's braces could, indeed, be used for his education one day, or towards a vacation for me and the hubster, or supporting a hospital in Ethiopia, or, or, or, I don't know, maybe getting out of debt!?  But that's another post...

So, anyway, back to "My Mom Rocks," and whatever it was I was saying...

Oh yeah.  So, here are some pics of the day Ryan's pacifier went to the Moon...the day he became a BIG boy...the day he saved us a few thousand dollars, or at least, the day his mom had peace in her heart that she was honoring a dear friend and finally taking the expert opinion of a professional.

RIP Pacifier.

Prepping Ryan that sending his pacifier to the Moon is going to be fantastic!  AKA, tickles with Daddy.

Running around at his birthday picnic, oblivious to what is to come...

Sharing a second birthday with his cousin, just days apart....

Daddy wearing his hat always in memory of Dr. Ryan Arnold...

The birthday picnic went a little late so the next morning we gathered what balloons remained...

Ryan willingly giving over his pacifier...

...sorta...let's just say he wanted one last suck...

...a suck that lasted a while...until the release.

The reality set in as he watched his pacifier set soar into the western skies.

It's been a week and a half now.  Naps on day one and two were a bit rough, but he has adjusted beautifully.  His teeth haven't straightened out, and he does point to his teeth and tongue when I put him down to sleep, but then he says, "Goodnight Moon!" and all is well.

So, let's face it:  we all have "pacifiers."  If you were to take to heart the sentiments of a selfless man, who was saying more to me than just the obvious, what "pacifier" would you give up?

* We miss you, Dr. Ryan Arnold, and think of you and your beautiful family, every. single. day.  xoxox

And by "Busy" I mean...

This guy keeps me on my toes. He's napping now which has allowed me this brief moment to post a few pics and random thoughts.

This is his cupboard.

See.  He actually sleeps in there.  Kidding, kidding!  But it is his cupboard where, if he's not reading a book, throwing the dog her ball, trying to climb the stairs and walking around things, he's pulling out the unbreakable contents of this designated cupboard.

This drawer, the napkin drawer, and by "napkin" I mean 500, was not a designated drawer...except we hadn't put the latch on it yet, so Ryan found it and designated it napkin party central!

These are actually Jason's shooting ear pluggy cover thingamaboppers, but Emily likes to put them on once in a while to drown out "background noise" aka, her little brother...Ryan just likes to put them on to look like a recording artist...or Bob the Builder...

When my little lover is contained in his booster chair, I'm able to breathe deep for the brief amount of time it takes for him to snarf down his food before he's onto the next adventure.

I can't imagine life without him!  I am so grateful God has allowed us the life we have lived thus far, the good, bad and ugly, in order to have met the kids we have, the one we don't anymore, and to gain the perspective that even in the day to day mundane, there is beauty, laughter, and meaning.

Okay, except that wasn't what I was going to post :)  But I'll leave it at that.  Grateful.  Thankful.  Busy but with good stuff.  Finding joy in the day to day.  Asking God to lead me by His Spirit so I'm not just doing things to do them or to please others, but to glorify God and walk in obedience to Him.   

Yeah, that...

Better Late Than Never?

Well, I know Halloween and Fall Break were a while ago, but I thought I'd post some pics anyway so you can see the Adventures of Emily and Ryan. 

We had an early snow so we pulled all the pumpkins into the front hall.  Ryan played "ball" with these every day until the snow melted.

For Halloween Ryan was "Adam" from the Garden.  Just kidding.  His little tooshie was raw from 2 months of diarrhea so we let him "air out" at Nana's house.  FYI:  his big D is gone and the kid broke 4, count 'em, 4 molars!  Fun times...

Em and I got to ride horses at a friend's house while we were home in South Dakota. What's that?  Yes, I am wearing a Pashmina with camouflage and running shoes...(no, I wasn't prepared for the chill at sunset!)

Bonus kid points go to Emily this year...she told me she wanted to be Cleopatra and wear her Egyptian princess costume again...it's from two years ago...the bonus points come in that Mama didn't have to make a costume this year!  (*To tell the truth, I kind of missed making one...)  LOVE our niece and nephews pajamas that glowed in the dark!!!  And that's Aunt Kitty behind the sword...let's just say Ryan DID NOT LIKE Auntie's face painted like a kitty!

Ryan, or "Squirt," helped me pass out candy to the kiddos in the hood.  And by "pass out" well, I have video of him chucking it left and right but I'm not sure how to post it here.  He's into that stage of throw down/pick up/throw down/pick up!  Fun for Mama!

In order to stop Squirt from chucking the candy dish all over the hallway I allowed him a few seconds of phone time.  I NEVER allow this as a phone is NOT a toy...not in my book, anyway.  I have a feeling this kid is going to be like his daddy...a techy brainiac genius type.

I guess I did get to sew a little...we were invited to a friend's family party down the street.  Emily insisted that we HAD to dress up, that EVERYBODY would be wearing a costume, so, I was either going to sport my senior year gold sequin prom dress circa 1990, my Grandma's old house robe with slippers and rollers with face cream, or a flapper dress I had made for a murder mystery party we went to 15 years ago...Can you tell which one I went with?  I had to take in the dress, if you count that as sewing.  

And did we have the best costumes there, you ask?  Well, yes.  Yes we did, in fact...BECAUSE WE WERE THE ONLY FRIGGING PARENTS DRESSED UP AT THE PARTY!  So, there you go...Halloween down, Thanksgiving in a week and then December the next week!  This year is flying!

What's in a name?

Jason and I both wanted our kids' names to mean something, not just sound good to the ear. And by "mean something", we wanted their names to bestow a blessing on their character and life, a kind of calling, if you will.

I knew for sure for our first kid, if it was a boy, or girl I guess, that I didn't want a name where a synonym for "Rambunctious, wild, moronic, dare-devil" could ever be found. I also wasn't keen on the kid's name meaning "pansy or wimp or lily-livered fraidy cat."

I actually knew for our first kid, since I didn't really know what I was doing being a first time mom, that I could sure use a little helper. Someone who would be my assistant, a hard-worker, a kid who could roll with the punches and not give me too much flack. Is that wrong?! :)

Well guess what?! Emily means "Industrious, strong worker."

And, with Noah, since we knew he was a boy via ultrasound, Jason had chosen either Jude which means "Praise" or Noah that means "Peace." Either name had beautiful meaning in our book, but when I was pushing and our son was taking his sweet old time, Jason chose "Noah" in the delivery room and said, "Noah, come out!" Noah's middle name was Steven. It means "Crowned." Ironically, it's not a royal crown but the kind of crown you receive after a race of endurance. It fit him, and his powerful little life calling, beautifully!

For all of our kids we had actually always loved the name "Ryan" either for a girl or boy.

Now, in choosing a name, it was so very important to us that there were no booger eating, cranky, mean, violent, creeper people attached to the name. We had to skip one boy name we had been thinking about for Noah because there was this creeper guy in college that always gave all the girls back/neck rubs and it just gave me the heebie jeebies. Thankfully there are millions more from which to choose :)

But let me tell you about my history with Ryan's.

The first Ryan I ever met was in Michigan while I was in high school. He was a really great friend that had a fantastic sense of humor, such an easy-going personality and true character. As a grown-up, I know he loves his wife and is a loving dad.

The second Ryan I met was my husband's friend. Jason lived next door to Ryan's grandparents growing up. Jason's and Ryan's families went to the same church in their small town, and actually still do. The first time I met Ryan was after my freshman year of college when I went up to meet Jason's family and everyone else that came along with the package of falling in love with a boy from South Dakota. I liked him instantly. I could tell he was intense, sincere, and a really hard worker. I could also tell that he was the kind of guy who was a true friend to Jason, the way Jason is to others. As a grown man, Ryan adored his wife and 3 sons, was a faithful friend, was a man of his word and really cared about the quality of life, life to the fullest.

I met the third Ryan as a young married woman. He had the hots for one of my best friends, and she reciprocated. To get the boy to talk was like pulling teeth, but I could sense his depth of love for my dear friend and so wasn't going to stand in the way of watching them fall madly in love! Like the other Ryan's, this one loves his wife and children with his whole heart, works diligently to provide for them, and is a man of integrity.

Bonus material: All three Ryan's are easy on the eyes...in a strictly platonic sort of way, just sayin'.

Ryan means "Little King" or "Kingly." Maybe that's why I easily couple it with "Lion" when I sing to my little man?

Ryan the Lion...Ryan the Lion...


All I know is that when Jason and I took a leap of faith and got pregnant after losing Noah, then learned it was another boy, I knew, as we did with all of our children, that this child, too, was not ours but God's. I knew that God loved him more and had a plan for his life. I knew that my knowing him on this earth was, and is, a tremendous blessing, but also a huge responsibility...

...I also knew his name had to be a blessing not only to his character, but to God and to the people he would encounter.

Ryan means "Little King." His middle name is Everett. It means "Strong."

I can already tell my sweet Ryan is both of these things. I also have to say, I am so very grateful he is in the company of three Godly men who have set the tone for how to humbly carry the meaning of their name. Not that they are perfect, but kings in their own right.

Today, I write in honor and memory of the second Ryan, after whom we named our beautiful baby boy. What an honor it is to raise a boy by the name of Ryan!

The Birthday Boy!

Jason and I hugged maybe a little more than normal yesterday. We just kept staring at our son, looking at one another, and then finally stating the obvious, "We have a one year old son. We've never had a one year old son before...Thank You, Lord God, for the blessing of Ryan Graves!"

Not trying to be morbid here or overly dramatic.

The truth is, becoming Emily's parents we were blessed with the awe and realization that nurturing a child is not only a gift but a lifelong mission of great responsibility. When Noah was born this understanding was only solidified, then taken to a deeper awe of cherishing each moment, one day at a time. The day Ryan was born I knew time was precious, even the day to day, un-glamorous stuff.

I'm not going to lie and say I am a perfect steward of every moment of each day. But, as Jason and I recently took the Love Language quiz, it was confirmed that our most treasured language is time. We both topped the charts in this area. (I HIGHLY recommend you heading over there now and taking a few minutes to assess your heart. Then, talk to your loved ones and friends about taking the quiz. We had Em take it and it helped us know what we already did...the girl loves to snuggle and spend quality time with people she loves.) So, wasting time is the ultimate blow to my heart. I don't want to waste yours, I get irritated when I've wasted my own, and let's just say, I'm not a fan if someone has overstepped mine.

All that to say, looking back over the last year, Ryan's first year of life, I've been beyond blessed with the opportunity to hibernate and spend time with a very precious little growing soul. I literally sing songs when he poopies, so thankful he has healthy bowels finally. I love greeting him in the morning, seeing his smile and smothering him with kisses. Snuggling him before bed for a few minutes, praying God's blessings over his life, God's calling and anointing in him to glorify God in all that he does, is one of my favorites times of day...crawling on the floor with him, playing catch and fetch...not just giving him a bottle since he's big enough to hold it, but nuggling him as he inhales every drop. So many things. I do not take these for granted.

I know from what we walked through with Noah and having met and spoken with countless other people who have walked similar roads that time is something to be cherished, it goes quickly, and it's nothing we can ever regain.

So, you've never lost a loved one. You still have healthy parents, grandparents, and your friends and family are healthy as a band of horses. That is totally awesome! It's something to rejoice in!

For the most part, that is my life, too! Yes, my mom has breast cancer but she's, "Stronger than your honor student." Yes, my dad is 66 years old today and can't lift a washer and dryer by himself anymore. I've got a healthy husband, healthy kids, and I'm currently the healthiest I've been in my life and I'm pushing 40...

My point is this...whether you've weathered tragedy personally, walked through it with another person, or only observed it from afar...are you stuck on the hamster wheel or are you thanking and living one day at a time?

Because guess what?! There will ALWAYS be financial troubles, broken bones, disease, torrential weather, infidelity, famine, heartache, disappointment, homelessness, someone else with more stuff, etc, etc.

But, tomorrow isn't promised.

TODAY!

Today, start small. Give a hug. Hold a hand. Smooch some lips. Read with your kids. Forgive. Stop, rest, heal. Listen. Pray. Dip your finger in the frosting and let your kids lick the beaters. Forget the obsessive cleaning for a day and discover that the time you spent instead playing a game is what will put a healthy deposit of love and security in your kids' hearts...your husband's heart.


Jesus said, "...therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough trouble of its own..." Matthew 6:34

...and then, "who by worrying can add a single day to his life?"

TODAY! One. Day. At. A. Time.



(I lost my little white thingamajiggy that helps me upload pics...I am headed out to purchase one and will then show you how sweet Ryan was downing his very first allergen free birthday treat!)

More summertime fun!

Here's a pic of Ryan sporting Em's backwoods redneck teeth as he crawled around in his cute military style crawl:

Em actually wore this set of teeth to the dentist recently...the dentist screamed and then couldn't stop laughing! My kid is quite the prankster.

*I actually didn't realize Ry had a prune mustache until I just posted this. This is because I don't usually clean off his face after he eats...because I think he's a cute dirty little boy.
Here are some pics from our summer adventures:

Em and her two BFF's camping in the family room

Em requested dirt dessert. I know for a fact I left something out, but when you crush up Oreo's and put worms and flowers on top, no one really notices.

Em and her birthday guests

A picture of Em after completing her first kids triathlon. She was exhausted but wants to sign up again for next year. Any of your kids want to join her?

Here we are visiting my Gramps in the hospital when he had pneumonia. My gramps is doing great now, fyi. And, a side note, he and Ryan are 93 years apart.

We got dressed up and went out to celebrate Noah's 5th birthday. Inquiries: Em's wearing a recycled Sari. Ryan is actually wearing a recycled Noah shirt, so I'm grateful it finally was worn!!!

Me and the best little mid-life crisis Eh-Ver!

Ryan's first trip to the Denver Zoo. He loved it! He also fell asleep. Notice the delicious chubby wrists on this guy! Arghhhhh!

Em and her favorite babysitter in the whole wide world, who is actually on the other side of the whole wide world in Africa presently, doing relief work. We love you, Miss Claire! Thanks for the piggyback ride!

Em and I bought some feathers off the Internet to put in our hair...do you think I overdid it?
*For some reason, in the 60's, I believe, women wore these feather wigs while they were lounging by the pool, sunbathing. It was my Grandma's wig. Em's feathers actually turned out great!

Some summertime fun!

I know it's been a long time since I've posted pictures or even shown that our lives are also fun amidst tough stuff. We had a wonderful summer visiting family and friends in South Dakota and Minneapolis. We laughed a lot this summer. We relaxed, breathed, and just simply enjoyed.

I honestly can't imagine my life at this point without Ryan in it. He brings me so much joy! He's an easy going kid and brings a lot of laughter into our home.

This summer he got to hang out with his younger cousin quite a bit. The pictures below show our ad-lib version of kiddie pools at Nana's house.

Nothin' like a buck nudey baby! So squeezy!!!

Love this aerial shot of the cousins in their "tubs"

Making Out

So, I used this as my title post here.

But, it has a different meaning to me when it comes to these cheeks.

Both sets of cheeks above are ones I don't think I could get sick of smooching on...

When I fell in love with Jason, I never imagined I could ever be in love with another man. Then I met Noah. Then I met Ryan. Of course my love for my sons is different than my love for Jason, but I have to say that meeting these two baby boys, and getting to hang out longer with the one pictured above, well, it's melted my heart and stirred up lovely dovey feelings that I am so happy are there.

I love, love, love Emily! Having a daughter is a huge joy to my heart. But I'm a messed up woman and I hope and pray I don't mess her up too much as a young girl. I'm using discretion of how much of my messed up journey I share with her and how much I shelter her from. Being a mom to a daughter is hard work. Maybe I only know this because it's been more long term and I'm still in the honeymoon stage with Ryan, but either way, I wouldn't trade being their mom for the world...I do know that.

Having a son, I probably could mess him up, too, but for now, I'm just busy making out with those chubby cheeks and super duper yummy pudgy wrists. Em wants me to think of a permanent nickname for Ryan, something that won't embarrass him when he's in junior high and high school.

Right now, nothing qualifies:

• Little Lover
• Love Bug
• Sweet Baby
• Cutie Pie, pronounced "Kew pie"
• Yumminess

Yeah, Em's like, "Mom, you can't be all, 'Hey, Little Lover, come here!' in the grocery store when he's 13!"

She's right, but in the meantime, as long as my Peanut Butter will let me call her that, I'll call Ry all the lovey names in the book.

My prayer is that Ry will be as in love with me as Em is with her sweet daddy...at least for a little while, a mom can dream :)

A bit of a novice...

...and he just thought he was getting up to have a yummy bottle. Little did he know that he'd be getting a taste of his very first vittles...

Super cool dude race car bib made for Ry especially by his Nana...

...looking around, curious as to why I hadn't given him a bottle quite yet...

Sweet potatoes.
Big sis did the honors.
She had begged me to be the first one to feed him and she did a great job!
(*notice the chubby wrists...I chew on them daily...I personally think they are fabulous)

He more or less made out with his spoon, but did get some food down...

...and what he didn't get off the spoon, he just sucked off his super cool dude race car bib.

The above pictures reveal why I no longer wear white t-shirts as my wardrobe of choice :)