400th Post

Well, we did it. Jason and I watched Noah's birth video. The pictures below...I got to see and hear them!

ATTENTION ALL PARENTS: TAKE MY UNSOLICITED ADVICE AND DUST OFF YOUR FREAKING VIDEO CAMERAS AND START VIDEO TAPING YOUR KIDS!

Besides one video in the hospital that a doctor took to document Noah's hypotonia and other symptoms (which I deleted because I couldn't bear to watch it) and two videos I took of Noah in January where I moved his little lips to a song sung by a bear (yes, I have a weird sense of humor), Noah's birth video is the only video of him alive! I did alright on the photography side of things, but we didn't even have any video of him at home during his 7 1/2 weeks there! Second child syndrome...I suck.

I tell you what, hearing his sweet, sweet little cry not only made me bawl but warmed my heart. He moved. Noah used to move...He used to cry. He used to open his sleepy little eyes. He had not done any of these things for so long at the hospital that seeing the video tonight was almost surreal. All the tubes down his throat at the hospital prohibited Noah from making sounds. And the drugs that sedated him. Then, when he was trached he couldn't make noises either. I got to hear his little cry. I remembered it as if it were yesterday. Noah was awake. He was real...Noah had me wrapped around his finger. I would anticipate his cry at night and run to his room before he made a squeak so I could feed him. It was the most tender little cry...heart melting.

One day, when I figure out how to transfer the video to my computer, I'll post a snippet because his little cry is darned near the sweetest thing you ever did hear. And his sleepy little eyes, blinking, blinking...And Emily, touching him, holding him, meeting him for the first time...all of it...I am so grateful that despite my poor videography skills, I at least have more than a half hour of live footage of Noah.

Thank you for your encouragement and prayers for us. The flowers, cards, emails, texts, calls, visits...It was a good day and a difficult day. Noah should have been in a backpack on my back for our hike today. He would have loved the funny sounds Em and I made as we drove on the horrible washboard dirt road up to the trail head. He would have enjoyed letting go of the 2 dozen colorful balloons on the mountain top. He would have loved seeing the two deer prancing through the Aspen trees. He would have loved helping his sister catch and release the two beautiful blue miniature butterflies. Em said he would have liked her chocolate ice cream cone.
Even though these are great things, real things, things kids love and enjoy, I know Noah is not missing out on anything. WE are the ones missing out on the so much more that he is living.