...or
you, but either way, I wanted to share:
Hey friend! I'm sorry you are wrestling right now, though I'm not, because wrestling w/self and God aren't the worst things in the world...it means He is there to wrestle with...and that's good, even when it sucks.
God never "comes and goes." He is always. He remains. We are the only ones who wain. And it's okay to be tired, but that also shows you are "trying" instead of "being." God wants you to be....wants you to rest in Him...lean into Him...trust He is good...His love for you is not performance based...those are lies of American Church culture, not a relationship with Jesus Christ.
Here's the thing: in the Garden, the greatest deception wasn't just getting those guys to eat an apple and have their eyes opened to see good and evil...the deception which has remained since that day is the Devil's victory to take our hearts and minds to a place where instead of knowing beyond all doubt that God is good and great and loving all the time, we wonder if He really is...because bad things happen or because our lives don't look like we planned or because we don't always feel His presence or hear His voice clearly or know the next step to take. So, what could be a deep rooted peace beyond all comprehension, even in the midst of life and personal hell here on earth, is tangled in a web of trying to behave a certain way, do good things, and convincing ourselves that He is a good God who loves us, when in fact, that is Who He is...always and forever.
He already said He loves us. He already established that truth when He designed us in His image and wanted to hang out with us.
When the Bible says that Satan has a time or dominion here on the earth for a season, I believe it has everything to do with the battle going on over each and every one of us, the battle to keep us believing God is out to get us and is a conditional God...he twists the truth to keep us living in fear, but it's his own fear he's projecting on us...does this make sense? Because Satan knows his time is short...
We weren't designed to be perfect, though we were made in the image of a perfect God. We were designed to simply be with Him...to be His friends...to live in fellowship and relationship, not isolation. I'm speaking to myself as I'm coming out of a season of isolation and loneliness where little pieces of my heart were dark and hidden, hidden because I believed the lies he was telling me that I had to be perfect,
you know, because everyone else is perfect,
obviously...
Every. Single. Story. in the Bible is about an imperfect person, rough on the edges, who did great things or lived by faith, not of their own amazingness or perfection but because of who God was in them, in spite of them, calling them to simply trust that
He may know what He's doing on a bigger scale.
I love you and am so very grateful God has reunited us at this time in our lives. He's been placing you on my heart a lot lately, maybe because we are similar in many ways or maybe just because you are a wonderful woman to love...either way, I'm praying for you, friend, as only an imperfect friend can do...
Loving yourself is a one day at a time thing...sometimes one hour at a time...I'm walking it, too.
Following God does carry responsibility...I often feel like I've failed Him on so many levels and on a daily basis b/c I haven't saved every. single. person. in my neighborhood or city or state, or the southwest region of the USA, or the Lower 48...etc, etc. There are days where I think more about my ruined garden, dirty toilet, if I ate too many pistachios, or what to make for dinner than changing the world or living a selfless life.
We all suck at life. At least when we weigh ourselves against the world's standards on any given topic. There will always be someone smarter, richer, more generous, more selfless, more compassionate, more relatable, wiser, more thoughtful, etc, etc.
Does that mean we suck entirely? Nope. We don't suck entirely. We make mistakes. We say we are sorry. We take responsibility for our own actions, stop blaming others or comparing ourselves to others, and we pick ourselves up and keep on going one foot in front of the other...trusting God will lead us...if we seek Him.
We have to seek Him to find Him, but He said we'd find Him if we indeed seek Him...
Friend, He made you on purpose for a purpose...not some pie in the sky purpose you'll one day wake up and see and be able to boast in, but a day to day walk carried out in simplicity, not defined by the standards of the world but shaped and designed by the very Creator of the Universe to be stealthy and filled with His love to those around you...and His love for you. Big love.
Anyway, sorry this is haphazard and random...just some thoughts God put on my heart for you today. I sure love you and am grateful for your life! I know you have a lot on your plate right now...just know you are in my prayers and I am here for you whenever I'm not sleeping ;) Just kidding! I totally love you! xoxox
