All Up in Your Crazy

"I will combat my stress and heated difficult parenting moments with trips to the toilet.

I read a really darling short story about a woman who locked herself in her master bathroom happily for the weekend.  It was her own special stay-cation, complete with Orangina and crackers.

I may have to try that.  Don’t tell my kids."

 -  Jessica Patay, author of "She Runs a Good Race"

Here's my comment:
Some thoughts: I rhymed "Orangina" with vagina when I read that...and you caught me, my kids are perfect and I do, indeed, every moment of everyday, respond in godly wisdom and oozing goodness to them, like it oozes from me, from every pore...it's like I'm angelic or something.  This post has just inspired a post in my head...so I'm heading over to my blog to get my writing on, but in the meantime, you are better than me because instead of sitting on the pot to talk to God and find "poof" peace lately, I've been escaping to try to beat level "30" on Candy Crush.  And when I do sit in there a while I poop rainbows.  #isuckwayworsethanyou #youareonefantasticmama #iloveyougirl #youareawesome

My girlfriend Jess is an inspired writer, raw and authentic, and just posted some great wisdom for moms, a result of what she has been learning in "time-out"...not her kids' time-outs, but her own...where she puts herself to cool off and think it over.  The following post was inspired by her piece and actually started as my comment in her comment section, but I didn't want to hi-jack the post with a mega-comment, so, instead, here it is.

May I invite you into my brain, friend?  It looks a helluva lot like the 144 magazines on the library wall I'm sitting across from at this moment, all on different topics, each with a 100+ pages, plus advertising...and in that chaos, I get overwhelmed in my own head, want to throw everything away and live in an RV and just come visit you and drink a little wine overlooking the great Pacific.  Then Emily, excited, sweet, with the greatest of intentions, comes over to my shit-laden desk where I sit staring, wondering how I didn't get one friggin' thing accomplished all day, yet managed to stay busy anyway, and says, "Mom, can we look at organizational websites and draw up a plan of action and spend the whole weekend totally purging and organizing my room?"  And I should be excited about this because my kid wants to down-size and get organized but I'm folding 9 loads of laundry, laced with camouflage and safety orange and glow in the dark pajamas and odd numbered socks and I have 17 books home from the library that contain no pictures because they are for me to gain inspiration on how to live life free of the crazy because I actually don't care about stuff or things so organizing her room or any room in the house would look more like donating everything to the thrift and, of course, only having "7" of anything...and it's nearing the dinner hour and my personal Paleo chef decides we're having GF frozen pizzas and full-on grain nachos with dollops of dairy and leftover buffalo carnage.

And she doesn't mean anything by it because how could she know all the crazy that goes on in my head and heart on any given day?  And truth be told, her desire to purge, organize, and clean her room is evidence of her listening and letting it soak in all the times I've said, "Sweetie, more stuff doesn't fill the deepest part in our heart we're trying to fill...it's just more stuff and eventually it will overwhelm us. Less truly is more."

But the truth is I am a little kid, totally ego-centric, because I want to purge, organize, and clean up my crazy before I clean up her crazy.  I wanna be first!

And since I was just in the bathroom, I can't run there, she's got me cornered at my desk in the kitchen, so I sit on the toilet in my head go there in my head and talk to God, I'm not even 1/2 listening to her but instead breathing deeply, in my own time-out, and I repent for being selfish and ask God for grace in this moment, to let go of the agenda, my to-do list, my crazy, because I can't play level "30" to escape, and thanks to you, friend, I can't even eat chocolate or drink a little to escape because we are doing this flippin' accountability thingy, and it's good because I know and you know and we all know God truly is the Only One who can fill that deepest part in our heart where everything else around fades in importance and priority and somehow falls into place.

And so I pull her onto my lap, hug her huge with #intention, and tell her, "Peanut, I would totally love to help you with your room!  Let's get a plan and do it!"

Because spending the weekend with my pre-teen daughter, because she wants me to, is a blessing...I guess it's all about perspective.

Guest Blogging

Today you will find me at "Diving for Pearls."

Katie Wetherbee is a new friend, who is actually an old friend.  And by "old" I mean, she prayed for us during our journey with Noah through hearing of his blog.  Earlier this Spring we were able to email back and forth and finally share ear to ear.  I wish we lived where I could meet her face to face.

One night I sat and read through the story of Katie and her family.  She has it neatly organized on her blog, so it's easy to do.  (Sorry.  You won't find that here.  I'm still working on my organizational skills.)  It was like a book I could not put down, reading her words, her experiences and emotions, and being able to picture the hospital life she lived with her daughter because of our personal experience.

Katie is a beautiful woman and a wonderful new friend!  I love her heart and the core of the ministry she carries out on a daily basis.  Her blog states, "Helping children with special needs thrive at home, school, and church."  She is the Director of Education for Key Ministry.  This mission of Key Ministry is "to equip churches to welcome and include children and families affected by hidden disabilities in all aspects of the life of the church."  The website has great insight and resources to educate oneself and learn more about how we as a body of believers can build bridges and welcome every person into the walls of an actual church, and into the arms of a loving community.

As a mother, she is facing the out-of-state drive and delivery of her first born to college next fall, with a younger one still working through high school.  I have one in diapers still and another just exiting 4th Grade in two weeks.  We are in two very different phases of life, but I believe we all have much to learn from one another.

I hope you will head over to "Diving for Pearls" where Katie is launching the first of a series called "Messages from Moms," where yours truly is first out of the gates.

My heart in being part of this is to encourage families far and wide as they journey through parenting, no matter how it looks.  Our son Noah passed away, but the time he was on this Earth I would say he had some very special needs.  Had he lived, he would have been "labeled" as such and it would have been, and is, my heart, to know him intimately and love him especially the way he was, understanding his needs to help him flourish.  Just as I try to do with my other two.

Blogville, CO, USA, World

I stumbled into Blogville. Actually my friend, Rachel, threw me in, aka she set up Noah's blog for me because I was on the phone constantly at the hospital, so she called me one day and said she had set up a blog for me to update as a central place for communication for family and friends.

I didn't really know what a blog was...I had only seen one and it belonged to a friend of Jason's from a previous job who had relocated overseas, so he and his wife would post pictures and give quick blurbs about their adventures in the South Seas. I didn't live in the South Seas so didn't see how my life was anything but ordinary...

Jason set up a blog for me when Emily was a toddler. It's lost somewhere in Blogville. I don't remember the name of it or which email we had used to set it up in the first place. I don't even know if it has a post on it. It probably just says, "Test". He tried to explain it to me but, to be honest, I was tired and could not imagine taking time to post pictures of Em for our family to see. I know, I'm a slacker...

What never occurred to me when I started writing Noah's blog was the world of stories that would be opened to me...for my eyes and heart to see into the life of a stranger...glimpses of people I had never met that would somehow become friends, at least in my heart.

I remember being blown away when strangers, friends of friends and even long lost friends, started popping up on Noah's blog, sharing their love and encouragement, or not sharing anything at all because their hearts were too broken for us to even know what to say. It was mind boggling to conceive that strangers could have a love for us like that. And yet, I didn't think it strange at all if I traveled into Blogville and encountered stories that ripped my heart wide open and had me praying, crying, commenting or shooting emails off to total strangers.

The word "stranger" took on a whole new meaning.

I mean, these people were sharing their stories, candidly, crying out, not for attention, but for someone to listen and to say, "Me, too!" Not that any of them that I know of sought for someone else to actually share their tragedy of heartache or loss or the uncertainty of medical unknowns as a commonality, but simply people saying, "Hey, I have a story."

Truth be told, we all have a story. Each of us has a story that needs telling. How it is told will look different for all of us. Some will have audiences upon their knees or across booths over great food or coffee. Others, captivated teenagers will hang on every word at a summer camp. Some will write their stories on paper and others will type it on blogs. Others will share their stories quietly as they live by example. No matter how we share our stories, God has created each of us unique. We have all experienced many things during our lives, no matter the length, and in sharing our stories, we undoubtedly encourage another along the road.

In sharing our stories we move from being "strangers" to being friends and family. We move from being alone to being part of a bigger picture...not one that we draw or design ourselves, but one that is beautifully created by God, who is way more artistic than any of us.

I guess what I am trying to say is, thank you...

Thank you for letting me into your stories and thank you for being part of ours. Thank you for the overwhelming response of encouragement, enthusiasm and support about my belly. Whether you read or not, this blog has been such a great outlet for me, as I know your blogs are for you, and I will be getting my guts out on here during this leg of the journey. Believe, I've had some thoughts!

Thank you for Blogville, CO, USA, World...a great network of beauty where we can each candidly share our stories...the real, the raw and the in between.

Thank you for moving in my life from stranger to friend...