Friendship: Close Up

I'm thankful to be married to my best friend in the whole wide world.

At the same time, Jason doesn't fill the girlfriend spot in my heart that some pretty amazing women do, and this post is about them.

When we arrived in Denver almost 12 years ago, sure I was excited to live in a beautiful part of the country, but I was 31, really pregnant, and only had one friend 45 minutes away, who was a new mom.  Jason was busy at his new job 45 minutes the opposite direction, and I was in a daze, without a car, wandering amidst the dust and debris of the old house we had just purchased and gutted over the previous weekend.

I washed lettuce in the bathroom, in the mauve bathtub, because the kitchen was in the dumpster in the back alley.

Our fresh vegetables kept freezing in the refrigerator because it was out on the back porch.  As a result, we ate a lot of take-out, frozen burritos, gelato, and Clif Bars.  And, if that wasn't bad enough, I would sit in my house, covered in sheet rock dust, and watch Soap Operas.

I'm not even kidding.  Did you know Bo and Hope are STILL on Days?  True story!  (At least they were back in 2002...)

It was a low time in my life, let's be honest.  My friend who loves chocolate and sewing felt so sad for me from a distance, a beautiful package arrived on my doorstep one day with a toaster oven in it and instructions to head to the store so I could at least buy slice and bake chocolate chip cookies.  Oh, how I longed to sit with her on my couch to actually eat them, but fat and pregnant and hormonal, I sat on my couch and ate them all myself.

...again, a low time in my past.

ANYWAY, my mom was praying for God to send me some friends.  I wasn't hopeful.  In my head, since I was 30ish, everyone had already found their favorites.  Back in Minnesota, Jason and I had just left a group of friends we did life with every weekend for 5 years...how on earth were we going to find that kind of connection again?

Well, I've learned not to mess with my mom's prayers.  After a mishap in a mom's play group where I was invited to a Swinger's party, a friend in another state told me she had a friend somewhere in Denver and surely we'd hit it off.  I thought, "You clearly don't know how big Denver is...she could live anywhere."

2005 ice skating birthday party

Noah's 1st Celebration, the delivery crew and some guy with an afro

Locks of Love donation, 2008

Celebrating Ryan's arrival, Becky on the left who lived 3 blocks away, and Rachel

Grateful for friendships where we can pick up where we left off, no pressure, just dive in deep and keep pressing on...

And you know what?  She did live somewhere.  She lived 3 blocks away, had a daughter 2 weeks younger than Emily born at the same hospital, her own husband named Jason and, not that I pick them this way, but happened to be *tall with dark brown hair, too.

Today, less than 12 years later, I'm grateful for the prayers for real heart to heart friends my mom placed at God's feet for me, her pitiful, pregnant, chocolate chip cookie eating, soap opera watching, daughter.

The friendships which have grown out of this connection and my willingness to be vulnerable with others has allowed me the opportunity to meet some extraordinary women.  It has also meant stories shared in coffee shops, prayers prayed, truth told, tears strewn, basketball played, trips to Mexico, laughter and love, a room full of women at Noah's delivery, meals and shoulders during his hospital life, weekends away, mini-retreats, hard conversations, Easter feasts, closet purges and style consults, Scriptures studied, Friends Thanksgiving, prayers for marriages and misunderstandings, Bevy makeovers, beautiful locks shared in love, miles walked, wine and chocolate, creativity shared, more tears, more laughter, and my heart overflowing with gratitude that at the end of any given day, I am humbled to know God's love in a deeper, more profound way through the gift of friendship.

It's a beautiful thing to have friends willing to live life to the fullest...blood, sweat, and tears!

 (*not a friendship prerequisite...)

P.S. This particular post is about friendships, up close and personal, in the day to day, close in proximity.  I'll also be posting about the treasure of long-distance friendship.

Just Write

It's ironic, and not, that the prompt for Lisa Jo Baker's "Five Minute Friday" is "write."

Just write, but be intentional about it...

GO:

Because today at lunch with a writer friend, who is writing a book with her husband, I asked, "How do you actually write a book on marriage?  Do you guys, like, brainstorm ideas and topics on a marker board, get a plan and go for it?  Is it linear, beginning to end?  How do you actually write a book?"

She laughed and told me she had asked her husband who has written 2 books the exact same question! She told him she had some questions and wanted to talk about it, wanted to know the angle, "Do we write about topics?  Do we come at it, 'He said, She said'?"

I asked my friend what insight her author husband relayed.

"He said to just write."

And we laughed and cussed and told one another how we both love Anne Lamott and Bird by Bird, so the prompt and advice wasn't new, but still just as profound.

Funny how the thing we both love to do, that is write, the thing we do in our heads and hearts most of the day, writing the stories we observe in our lives and the ones we feel and experience, is so difficult to scribe on paper, or tink on a keyboard.

Yet we know we've been designed to write and when we do, we come alive and feel all is well with the world.  Even when the writing sucks and no one ever reads it because it's simply filed away in our documents, trapped in a flat folding computer on the desk.

As corny as it may sound to some, we didn't hear corny as we exchanged our deep love for writing and how when we do it we know we're doing what we were designed to do, writing for the One who designed us, published or not, not seeking the approval of anyone, just doing what comes naturally.

STOP

Grateful for this prompt today.  If you want to just write, link up over at "Five Minute Friday" and then read the blog post of the person ahead of you and encourage them in the art of writing.

All Up in Your Crazy

"I will combat my stress and heated difficult parenting moments with trips to the toilet.

I read a really darling short story about a woman who locked herself in her master bathroom happily for the weekend.  It was her own special stay-cation, complete with Orangina and crackers.

I may have to try that.  Don’t tell my kids."

 -  Jessica Patay, author of "She Runs a Good Race"

Here's my comment:
Some thoughts: I rhymed "Orangina" with vagina when I read that...and you caught me, my kids are perfect and I do, indeed, every moment of everyday, respond in godly wisdom and oozing goodness to them, like it oozes from me, from every pore...it's like I'm angelic or something.  This post has just inspired a post in my head...so I'm heading over to my blog to get my writing on, but in the meantime, you are better than me because instead of sitting on the pot to talk to God and find "poof" peace lately, I've been escaping to try to beat level "30" on Candy Crush.  And when I do sit in there a while I poop rainbows.  #isuckwayworsethanyou #youareonefantasticmama #iloveyougirl #youareawesome

My girlfriend Jess is an inspired writer, raw and authentic, and just posted some great wisdom for moms, a result of what she has been learning in "time-out"...not her kids' time-outs, but her own...where she puts herself to cool off and think it over.  The following post was inspired by her piece and actually started as my comment in her comment section, but I didn't want to hi-jack the post with a mega-comment, so, instead, here it is.

May I invite you into my brain, friend?  It looks a helluva lot like the 144 magazines on the library wall I'm sitting across from at this moment, all on different topics, each with a 100+ pages, plus advertising...and in that chaos, I get overwhelmed in my own head, want to throw everything away and live in an RV and just come visit you and drink a little wine overlooking the great Pacific.  Then Emily, excited, sweet, with the greatest of intentions, comes over to my shit-laden desk where I sit staring, wondering how I didn't get one friggin' thing accomplished all day, yet managed to stay busy anyway, and says, "Mom, can we look at organizational websites and draw up a plan of action and spend the whole weekend totally purging and organizing my room?"  And I should be excited about this because my kid wants to down-size and get organized but I'm folding 9 loads of laundry, laced with camouflage and safety orange and glow in the dark pajamas and odd numbered socks and I have 17 books home from the library that contain no pictures because they are for me to gain inspiration on how to live life free of the crazy because I actually don't care about stuff or things so organizing her room or any room in the house would look more like donating everything to the thrift and, of course, only having "7" of anything...and it's nearing the dinner hour and my personal Paleo chef decides we're having GF frozen pizzas and full-on grain nachos with dollops of dairy and leftover buffalo carnage.

And she doesn't mean anything by it because how could she know all the crazy that goes on in my head and heart on any given day?  And truth be told, her desire to purge, organize, and clean her room is evidence of her listening and letting it soak in all the times I've said, "Sweetie, more stuff doesn't fill the deepest part in our heart we're trying to fill...it's just more stuff and eventually it will overwhelm us. Less truly is more."

But the truth is I am a little kid, totally ego-centric, because I want to purge, organize, and clean up my crazy before I clean up her crazy.  I wanna be first!

And since I was just in the bathroom, I can't run there, she's got me cornered at my desk in the kitchen, so I sit on the toilet in my head go there in my head and talk to God, I'm not even 1/2 listening to her but instead breathing deeply, in my own time-out, and I repent for being selfish and ask God for grace in this moment, to let go of the agenda, my to-do list, my crazy, because I can't play level "30" to escape, and thanks to you, friend, I can't even eat chocolate or drink a little to escape because we are doing this flippin' accountability thingy, and it's good because I know and you know and we all know God truly is the Only One who can fill that deepest part in our heart where everything else around fades in importance and priority and somehow falls into place.

And so I pull her onto my lap, hug her huge with #intention, and tell her, "Peanut, I would totally love to help you with your room!  Let's get a plan and do it!"

Because spending the weekend with my pre-teen daughter, because she wants me to, is a blessing...I guess it's all about perspective.

And 10 Things I Love About Me

So, last fall I was really humbled to be part of an intimate retreat weekend in Austin, Texas.  I relished in hearing the stories of the women I had never met, as well as cherished the opportunity to reconnect with the girls I knew from various times in my life.  To be honest, just be away from everything and have girl time was what the Doctor ordered.

I love girl time.  (Written language is inadequate a tool for me to convey how much I love time with girlfriends...)

Kristin Armstrong shared some of her own story during our weekend, with authenticity and vulnerability.  She's a fan of Brene Brown, queen of vulnerability, but not only that, she's a fan of girlfriends and especially a fan of when we as women come together and thrive in our uniqueness. 

I still carry many treasures from that weekend, but one I keep coming back to is how Kristin asked each of us to think for a while, to remember way back when, to our first memory of really feeling alive doing what we loved to do.  Like, "when you were a kid, what was your favorite thing to do?" type of question. 

And then, basically, what your first memory of your favorite thing was is how you were designed/wired/created...how God made you..."what you would thrive in being when you 'grow up'."

My memory of when I first felt alive was on the playground in elementary school.  I could picture it clear as day, and I could see myself, gathering girls.

Photo: www.katu.com "Portland Park Series"

I wanted everyone to belong.  My heart hurt when other girls felt left out.  I still remember the names of some of my classmates...the ones other kids made fun of for different clothes, different ticks, different skin color.

I felt most alive and the deepest joy when swinging on the monkey bars or climbing the Rocket Slide with all the girls.  It made my heart happy when we ALL played Chinese jump rope or Double Dutch, taking turns.  Even though only two could go at a time, I loved taking turns on Wall Ball, Tether Ball, and on the swings.

The 80's were good on the playground.  Photo: www.egotvonline.com

For me it wasn't hard to believe we could all just get along.  Even if we had disagreements, I knew deep down in my heart the playground was for everyone...Krissy, Swati, Kari S, all of us.

It wasn't just for the whoevertheheckdecideswhoispopular kids.

And so, even if some days I sit on my floor and cry because I'm stuck and not in love with myself, because of your encouragement and God's love for me, I woke up to this reminder this morning.

Here are 10 Things I Love About Me and I have even gone to my counseling appointment, wink, wink:

1. I am a peacemaker.  "You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight.  That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family."
2. I love to build bridges between women.
3. I actually do love to play on the playground.
4. I love listening to the stories of other women.
5. I love to see a woman living in complete freedom...to me, it's one of the most beautiful sights to behold.  There's nothing she can't do...
6. I love how much my heart is capable of loving my husband and kids.
7. I love time with girlfriends.
8. I'm really good at making soup from scratch.
9. I love to sew and design and create clothes and jewelry and decor.
10. I will always believe the best about you, because we all have a story...

*I won't lie, writing this list took me a lot longer than my "hate" list.

I challenge you, not just to do this exercise, but because it will encourage others, as well:  in the comments, write 10 Things You Love About Yourself.

Ready, go...

INTENTION

Was it Venezuela?  Maybe Siberia?  It could have been St. Petersburg, Russia.

I don't remember now.

All I know is a million years ago when I was in my young 20's I met a teenager named Alece Ronzino...we met over a mutual love for the mission field.  I think she was a carnivalite because for some reason I can picture a painted triangle on her cheek, but mostly I remember her amazing smile, how her eyes lit up as she laughed, and her undeniable positive attitude in spite of our meager missionary circumstances.

Alece is a grown up now and has lived more life than I know she has wanted.  All of it, however, has molded and shaped her into the godly, authentic woman she is today.

We haven't kept in touch over the years, but we were reconnected thanks to small worlds and the Internet a couple years ago via our mutual friend, Sarah Markley...another godly, authentic woman.

Alece is the real deal.  Her blog, Grit and Glory, speaks for itself in the title.  I encourage you to head there and be challenged and inspired to draw closer to God's grace and unconditional love as a result of reading some of her story.

Anyway, why am I writing about Alece?  Well, she has founded a movement called "One Word 365" of basically putting into words what has been on my heart for quite some time now.  I encourage you to head there to check it out.

This post isn't actually about Alece, though I'm thankful to her for the creative way to share.  It's actually about:

I'm actually being intentional to physically write with ink and paper this year, as opposed to just typing...

INTENTION.  

And, if you noticed, I changed my blog to reflect the word some time ago...

Last year in early fall I began a Bible study with one friend that I know and love dearly and a room full of other women, some whose faces I knew and others I learned that day.  We had gathered to study the book of Daniel together and though I had read that particular chapter of the Bible a couple of times over the years, I wasn't sure what was in store for my heart.

All I knew was I was grateful for a setting where I didn't know everyone, I wasn't in charge, we had a focus and purpose, and I knew God would meet me face to face because time was being set apart specifically to study His word.

2012 was a year of intention for me, particularly in the area of loving myself.  I appreciate how it sounds, though I'm not talking about lipstick kisses on my mirror and splurges at the shoe store.  I'm talking about 40 years of not loving myself, never appreciating that God made me for a reason, hours, days, years spent wasted on hating myself, all the while giving the Devil more and more power over my thoughts, fears, and dreams.  The theme of loving myself manifested in many ways, especially in the pursuit of more time one on one with God's word.  On practical levels it showed up in outing myself as a closet eater, signing up for a massage of the month club, having more dates with my husband, telling the lies in my head to go to hell, sitting for hours reading Seuss to my 2 year old and other hours reading classics with my 10 year old.  I loved myself by flying to Austin, Texas, to meet old and new girlfriends intentional in the pursuit of sisterhood.  I re-launched my non-profit, Bevy Girls, and have loved the small group of women gathering with similar passion.  I sat with my 90+ grandpa and asked him important questions and held his hand as I listened.  I've had some good heart to hearts.  I bought a treadmill and some dumbbells.  I read more.  I listened.  I said yes.  I said no.

And there were many days where I totally screwed up and was intentional and hell-bent on hurting myself, not seeing myself as a person worthy of my own love, let alone feeling God's.

I think the theme for 2013 will be similar, however the wording is a little different and the focus.

I still am learning how to love myself.  However, I really don't like focusing on me.  It leaves a nasty aftertaste.

No, I want to live with INTENTION, sure in loving myself and taking care of myself, but first and foremost, intention with my dear and beautiful, gracious and loving God.  He's never been anything other than steady in my life.  He's loved and pursued me with intention, yet there have been seasons where I have not reciprocated.

Practical application of INTENTION:  In the Daniel study I am doing, the book starts out with Daniel being intentional in his health, study, leadership, and stewardship of gifts, and not for himself only and the benefits he would reap, but for God and His bigger picture.

It says that three times a day Daniel knelt down to give thanks to God.

It doesn't say he gave God a short order, every prayer request in the book, or a list as long as Santa's.

It says he knelt down three times a day and thanked God.

My translation:  Daniel was INTENTIONAL in his pursuit of God...and everything else followed thereafter.

So far as I've sat INTENTIONALLY with God, I haven't found my life to be perfect, however, I have found when I am INTENTIONAL about putting Him first, everything else is doable, even those things which appear insurmountable.

*Instead of a New Year's Resolution, what is one word you can focus on this year that will encourage and challenge you to be who you were designed to be?

Feel free to share it here or head over to this page and link up to the One Word 365 community.

Girlfriends, part 3

And then I met them...

Women from coast to coast.  Beautiful women with beautiful stories.  And, by “beautiful” I mean, real, candid, authentic, raw, not watered down, genuine, broken, not shattered, but broken wide open to reveal true heart and true grit.  My kind of real.  No sunshine blowing, yet tons of laughter and joy.  No competition amongst us, yet damn strong fighters.  Beautiful, beautiful women.  New girlfriends.  I am humbled I had the opportunity I did to be there with them all in that space and time.

On Saturday my friend Jessica introduced Kristin Armstrong to the group.  In her intro she shared a bit about her own love of girlfriend-time and a time in her life when she was really feeling drained without it.  This is the counsel a minister gave to her:  

He said, “Girlfriends are sacred.  They are part of your spiritual formation.” 

I wrote that down in ink and on my heart.  Wow!  The retreat could have ended right there for me!

Then, when Kristin shared with us, in her fabulous young 41-derful years, she spoke as a peer, unassuming and so candid, yet her wisdom was that of a true and faithful friend of 100 years.  She set the tone for authenticity.  It was a safe place for all of us to share, and that we did. 

Each one of us went around and shared our hearts.

And then she said it... 

…the hook, line, and sinker of the whole weekend for me, driving home what Jessica had stated earlier…

Kristin said, “Having girlfriends is not a luxury, it’s a necessity.  It’s mandatory.” 

(She wrote it out more thoroughly here on her blog...)

She also told us how she has recently boycotted the word, “Busy,” from her vocabulary, as well as not allowing her friends to use it around her, either.  Of course we’ll ALWAYS have stuff to do, places to go, blah, blah, blah, but the truth is, since deep heart friendships with women are sacred, we need to make the time.

This year God’s been teaching me to love myself.  As I mature, if you will, each year, I will say I am more and more self aware of my needs or desires, here on earth.  Clearly I need water, some food, shelter, a pair of jeans and comfy flip-flops.  But in order to be a better me, I also need:  time to quietly sit with God’s word each morning, hot mug in hand; date nights out with my husband; and couch-time snuggling with my 10 year old daughter as we dig into a great book.  And, I need to kiss my son on his neck and cheek, smell him and then tickle him so I can hear laughter from deep in his belly, a laughter I’m not able to conjure up on my own most days because I’ve seen too much.  I need solitude, too.  

And I need time with girlfriends.  It’s not always going to look like a weekend away without any responsibilities.  I know that.  But time with friends is something I long for and something from which I walk away refreshed.  I’ve loved it ever since I was a little girl and still cherish it as a grown-up. 

So here’s our takeaway:

• ·       Girlfriends are sacred. 
• ·       They are part of our spiritual formation. 
• ·       Girlfriends are NOT a luxury.
• ·       Time with girlfriends is a necessity. 

If the word "Busy" were deleted from your vocabulary, is there something else that is holding you back from spending time with life-giving friends?  It doesn't have to be hours on end...even just a half hour is a step in the right direction.

It's time for women to start building bridges for friendships to be nurtured and grow.  Imagine a world where healthy, beautiful friendships were everywhere we looked because they were established on trust and authenticity.

We all have stories...What is yours?

The world doesn't need more superficial relationships based on mistrust and name brand jeans.  The world needs women who are willing to go deep, women who are willing to cherish one another.

Yep.  That's what it needs...

Now, let's go carve out some time for the relationships in our lives which matter most!

Ready:  GO!

More On: Girlfriends!

NOT "Moron Girlfriends!"  Just to clarify...


There are many titles I could have gone with concerning this post:

"Modern Day Miracle!"

"Man Uncovers Ancient Secret!"

"Husband Found His Wife's Sweet Spot..."

"Mars Finally Moves to Venus to Form a Planetary Merger"

"Jesus Can Come On Back Now...All the Problems in the World are Solved."

Or, my favorite:

"My Husband is a Better Girlfriend than Me."

I know what you were thinking when you read the one about the "sweet spot", but that's not what I'm talking about here today.  Maybe another day?  Nah.  This isn't that kind of blog...

Anyway, here's a snippet of the conversation which took place in the corner of our kitchen the day before I left for my girlfriends' retreat earlier this month in Austin.  I must preface this to say, anyone who knows my husband knows he barely meets the minimum word requirements that a man may speak in one day...if I'm lucky, the guy spreads his 7,000 words a day out over the course of a week...so when he talks, I listen...

Part II:  Girls Gone Wild in Texas

Jason:  Why are you so stressed out?

Me:  When you ask me that it makes me feel like I’m not allowed to have stress…like, what could be so stressful about my life???

Jason:  No, that’s not it, I just want to know because you are visibly stressed…

Me:  First off, you know how I get when I’m packing and preparing for a trip, but also, I just feel so jumbled right now…I don’t feel like I’ve gotten into the swing of things, like I haven’t had a routine since last school year.  I do well with routine.  Everything is spinning…I feel like I am emotionally ON one-hundred percent of the time…I love, love, love being a wife and mom, I just don’t ever have other adult interaction.  A 2-year old talks at me all day.  Sometimes that gets emotionally draining...

Jason:  Maybe you should get a baby-sitter one day every week and spend some time with your friends.

Me:  That’s awesome in theory, but everyone is busy, plus we’re taking Financial Peace University!  What would Dave Ramsey say about this?  We need to budget in a babysitter…and if we do that, I’d want to use that time to go on a date with you…

Jason:  Adrienne, I cannot give you what time with your girlfriends provides.  Emily and Ryan cannot give you what they can give you.  I am willing to sacrifice one night a week with you where you spend time with friends so that you aren’t stressed…you need time for yourself.

And so there you go.  

My husband is a better girlfriend than I am.  

Let me just go ahead and have you read that again:

"Adrienne, I cannot give you what time with your girlfriends provides.  Emily and Ryan cannot give you what they can give you.  I am willing to sacrifice one night a week with you where you spend time with friends so that you aren’t stressed…you need time for yourself." - Jason Graves, brilliant genius husband, stellar dad, overall great guy...

Sitting in a Cambridge coffee shop, looking all business-like, holding secret knowledge about women tightly locked up in his brain...WHAT ELSE DO YOU KNOW, JASON?!

He’s, like, IN TUNE or something.  

Who knew?  I MEAN, I knew he was awesome, but for him to see that my heart truly needs, longs for, and thrives on time spent with my girlfriends, well, that’s like “Husband of the Year” material, you know what I’m sayin’!  Maybe even Nobel Prize stuff…

So, ladies, I'm not sure what to tell you at this point...maybe print this off and put it on the fridge, or above his bathroom sink, or in the garage on his workbench.  Print off a copy for his briefcase.  I don't suggest taping it to his new flat screen, but perhaps erecting an easel just off to the side or somewhere in his man-cave?  Maybe insert your name into the statement, record it, and then play it softly while your husband sleeps?  

Of course, praying that your husband would have his eyes opened and his heart in tune with God's design for women and friendship is likely the most life-changing route, but do what you gotta do :)  

The point is this:  My husband isn't insecure with the truth.  The truth is that I'm madly in love with him and he is my very best friend and I'd choose him any day over my girlfriends, but that doesn't mean I don't NEED or LIKE or LOVE being WITH my girlfriends on a regular basis because it's good for my heart.

*What will it take for you to understand what, quite possibly, your husband already knows about you?  And, whether you are married or not, what will it take for you to realize that solitude is good for a season, but God made girlfriends for a reason?

Get on the phone and set up a date with some of your friends...ready:  GO!

Girlfriends are MANDATORY!

I just got back from Austin, Texas, where I took part in a girls weekend.  Two friends from college, one from the East Coast, another from the West, dreamed it up and decided to invite their friends from around the country to meet in the middle.  Those friends invited friends, and so on, and so forth…

When I originally received the “Save the Date” I thought, “Man, this sounds like so much fun, but: I only know two of the women, I can’t technically afford to go, and what do I do with the kids?”  

I will say this; only knowing two of the women wasn’t enough of a roadblock.  I love women and love meeting new women and hearing their stories…it’s what makes my heart beat, it’s the whole emphasis of my non-profit, Bevy…but, I am a tight wad when it comes to money.  

Okay, so I’m not a tight wad.  I love to share and I think it’s fun to treat others to meals and such, but I don’t like to be a financial burden to my family.  As a wife and mom who stays at home, it’s important to me to financially steward our cash flow (Doing FPU right now...more on that later...).  So yeah, not to sound like a martyr or burden, but I’m not a huge fan of spending moo-lah on myself when I think of all the other ways it could be spent.  Whah, whah.

 

Anyway…I have to say, the “what do I do with the kids?” question left my mind about as quickly as it entered.  I’m not bragging in the sense of, “In YO FACE!” but my husband really does indeed ROCK.  I knew if I talked to him about this retreat and told him I really wanted to go and felt like I was supposed to be there, he would work with me to make it happen, which would include him making some sacrifices and working from home for at least part of my weekend away.  He knows how much I love to be with girlfriends.

The necessary self-portrait

Where cowboy boots are king...and girls night out mandatory!

With Kim and Jessica, the two friends with "Insane Courage!"

After our time with Kristin

Meeting another bereaved momma-friend

I can’t really explain why I felt like I was supposed to go to this girls’ weekend away, but I knew I wasn’t invited on accident and that whomever God would introduce me to over the course of the time away would fill my heart and inspire me to keep pressing on with the dreams God has put upon my heart for years now.

I can’t even begin to put into words all the things the Lord did in my heart over the course of one hot, but beautiful weekend in Austin.  I’m still processing much of it.  One thing that blessed my heart was the fact that I got to just show up.  I feel like a bit of a slacker writing that previous sentence, but I’ve been a leader among my peers and in women’s groups for as long as I can remember.  I’ve only been to one other retreat that I didn’t plan…and that was 8 years ago.  Ironically, I received the “Save the Date” from my friends, Kim and Jessica, the week after I cancelled a Midwest Bevy Retreat.  It seems I was due for a retreat, but not one I would have to plan or organize. 

I showed up with expectations.  Not expectations of people or that I’d be entertained all weekend, but anticipation of God’s hand in our time together, and for what each of us would take away.  I prayed a lot during the months leading up to September 6-9.  Prayers for my friends who were coordinating the weekend, prayers for Kristin Armstrong who shared with us on Saturday, prayers for all the women whom I had never met but whose stories I would get to hear throughout the weekend, prayers for my girlfriend living in Austin who would join me in the adventure, and prayers for my own heart to take it all in, hear God’s direction and purpose for my life, and to JUST BE!

The weekend exceeded my expectations!  It was a little tough to transition back into my "day to day extraordinary life", but not without hope or a course of action to move forward with dreams He has placed on my heart.

I'm just thankful to Kim and Jessica who took Matt Damon's advice and went for it!

I'm so grateful God knew what my heart needed even more than I did...He's BIG that way!

*What will it take for you and your girlfriends to realize time together isn't a luxury but rather mandatory for your heart?!

The night before I left for my trip, Jason and I had a heart to heart in the corner of the kitchen.  I will share more on that tomorrow…