And 10 Things I Love About Me

So, last fall I was really humbled to be part of an intimate retreat weekend in Austin, Texas.  I relished in hearing the stories of the women I had never met, as well as cherished the opportunity to reconnect with the girls I knew from various times in my life.  To be honest, just be away from everything and have girl time was what the Doctor ordered.

I love girl time.  (Written language is inadequate a tool for me to convey how much I love time with girlfriends...)

Kristin Armstrong shared some of her own story during our weekend, with authenticity and vulnerability.  She's a fan of Brene Brown, queen of vulnerability, but not only that, she's a fan of girlfriends and especially a fan of when we as women come together and thrive in our uniqueness. 

I still carry many treasures from that weekend, but one I keep coming back to is how Kristin asked each of us to think for a while, to remember way back when, to our first memory of really feeling alive doing what we loved to do.  Like, "when you were a kid, what was your favorite thing to do?" type of question. 

And then, basically, what your first memory of your favorite thing was is how you were designed/wired/created...how God made you..."what you would thrive in being when you 'grow up'."

My memory of when I first felt alive was on the playground in elementary school.  I could picture it clear as day, and I could see myself, gathering girls.

Photo: www.katu.com "Portland Park Series"

I wanted everyone to belong.  My heart hurt when other girls felt left out.  I still remember the names of some of my classmates...the ones other kids made fun of for different clothes, different ticks, different skin color.

I felt most alive and the deepest joy when swinging on the monkey bars or climbing the Rocket Slide with all the girls.  It made my heart happy when we ALL played Chinese jump rope or Double Dutch, taking turns.  Even though only two could go at a time, I loved taking turns on Wall Ball, Tether Ball, and on the swings.

The 80's were good on the playground.  Photo: www.egotvonline.com

For me it wasn't hard to believe we could all just get along.  Even if we had disagreements, I knew deep down in my heart the playground was for everyone...Krissy, Swati, Kari S, all of us.

It wasn't just for the whoevertheheckdecideswhoispopular kids.

And so, even if some days I sit on my floor and cry because I'm stuck and not in love with myself, because of your encouragement and God's love for me, I woke up to this reminder this morning.

Here are 10 Things I Love About Me and I have even gone to my counseling appointment, wink, wink:

1. I am a peacemaker.  "You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight.  That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family."
2. I love to build bridges between women.
3. I actually do love to play on the playground.
4. I love listening to the stories of other women.
5. I love to see a woman living in complete freedom...to me, it's one of the most beautiful sights to behold.  There's nothing she can't do...
6. I love how much my heart is capable of loving my husband and kids.
7. I love time with girlfriends.
8. I'm really good at making soup from scratch.
9. I love to sew and design and create clothes and jewelry and decor.
10. I will always believe the best about you, because we all have a story...

*I won't lie, writing this list took me a lot longer than my "hate" list.

I challenge you, not just to do this exercise, but because it will encourage others, as well:  in the comments, write 10 Things You Love About Yourself.

Ready, go...

Girlfriends, part 3

And then I met them...

Women from coast to coast.  Beautiful women with beautiful stories.  And, by “beautiful” I mean, real, candid, authentic, raw, not watered down, genuine, broken, not shattered, but broken wide open to reveal true heart and true grit.  My kind of real.  No sunshine blowing, yet tons of laughter and joy.  No competition amongst us, yet damn strong fighters.  Beautiful, beautiful women.  New girlfriends.  I am humbled I had the opportunity I did to be there with them all in that space and time.

On Saturday my friend Jessica introduced Kristin Armstrong to the group.  In her intro she shared a bit about her own love of girlfriend-time and a time in her life when she was really feeling drained without it.  This is the counsel a minister gave to her:  

He said, “Girlfriends are sacred.  They are part of your spiritual formation.” 

I wrote that down in ink and on my heart.  Wow!  The retreat could have ended right there for me!

Then, when Kristin shared with us, in her fabulous young 41-derful years, she spoke as a peer, unassuming and so candid, yet her wisdom was that of a true and faithful friend of 100 years.  She set the tone for authenticity.  It was a safe place for all of us to share, and that we did. 

Each one of us went around and shared our hearts.

And then she said it... 

…the hook, line, and sinker of the whole weekend for me, driving home what Jessica had stated earlier…

Kristin said, “Having girlfriends is not a luxury, it’s a necessity.  It’s mandatory.” 

(She wrote it out more thoroughly here on her blog...)

She also told us how she has recently boycotted the word, “Busy,” from her vocabulary, as well as not allowing her friends to use it around her, either.  Of course we’ll ALWAYS have stuff to do, places to go, blah, blah, blah, but the truth is, since deep heart friendships with women are sacred, we need to make the time.

This year God’s been teaching me to love myself.  As I mature, if you will, each year, I will say I am more and more self aware of my needs or desires, here on earth.  Clearly I need water, some food, shelter, a pair of jeans and comfy flip-flops.  But in order to be a better me, I also need:  time to quietly sit with God’s word each morning, hot mug in hand; date nights out with my husband; and couch-time snuggling with my 10 year old daughter as we dig into a great book.  And, I need to kiss my son on his neck and cheek, smell him and then tickle him so I can hear laughter from deep in his belly, a laughter I’m not able to conjure up on my own most days because I’ve seen too much.  I need solitude, too.  

And I need time with girlfriends.  It’s not always going to look like a weekend away without any responsibilities.  I know that.  But time with friends is something I long for and something from which I walk away refreshed.  I’ve loved it ever since I was a little girl and still cherish it as a grown-up. 

So here’s our takeaway:

• ·       Girlfriends are sacred. 
• ·       They are part of our spiritual formation. 
• ·       Girlfriends are NOT a luxury.
• ·       Time with girlfriends is a necessity. 

If the word "Busy" were deleted from your vocabulary, is there something else that is holding you back from spending time with life-giving friends?  It doesn't have to be hours on end...even just a half hour is a step in the right direction.

It's time for women to start building bridges for friendships to be nurtured and grow.  Imagine a world where healthy, beautiful friendships were everywhere we looked because they were established on trust and authenticity.

We all have stories...What is yours?

The world doesn't need more superficial relationships based on mistrust and name brand jeans.  The world needs women who are willing to go deep, women who are willing to cherish one another.

Yep.  That's what it needs...

Now, let's go carve out some time for the relationships in our lives which matter most!

Ready:  GO!