Eucharisteo

This past weekend I went to a women's retreat where I knew a handful of people and only a handful of people knew me.  I enjoyed the time with these women, met a few new ones, but did not feel responsible or guilty for not finding out the stories of the other 100 women in attendance.

It may sound strange to you, like I didn't care about those other women or something.  And, truly, in the past, this would have been weird for me.  Previously I would have learned the names of every woman at the retreat and taken time to learn at least 1/2 of their stories if time allowed.

However, this retreat was different.  I went into it with intention, intention to trust God had something good for me, for my heart, that He would be faithful to meet me where I was, even though I didn't even know it myself.  It was through a church we kinda sorta, only once in a while attend. Once I went to an official women's ministry event (with dim lights and I was able to slip in and out, unnoticed).  At the retreat, I didn't know which women helped with the ministry team or planned our weekend away, but I'm sure grateful they did.  I simply went because a friend of mine was flying in to share, and I threw it out there to a couple friends who went along, too, though they knew no one, either, and weren't sure what to expect.

Me and my sis, playin'

We played on the playground during free time and now I want one of these in my back yard...

I. Am. In. Love. With. Aspens.

Mmmmm, smell the pines!

Room and car, mates :) Refreshing, to the heart, inspiring women, these girls...

Celeste Barnard shared her story and heart with us.  This girl was on fire!  I hope she inspires you one day, too!  I was so happy for her as she was able to share her first book with us, which you can find here.  

It was refilling to attend a women's ministry event I had no part in planning.  I love gathering women together, as it's my passion and the way I've been wired.  But I didn't realize how much my dried out heart needed a bit of refreshing, and it came...now I can't wait to plan a weekend for other girls...

So, in keeping with the theme of thankfulness each week, I'd like to share gratefulness from my weekend away:

• A retreat center nestled Rocky Mountainside, the setting still sprinkled with vibrant yellow aspens amongst the thriving green pines
• A gluten free chocolate cupcake upon arrival
• A friend willing to share her story with authenticity in order to pave the way for healing in other women's lives
• A husband who sees, and benefits from, the value in Mama getting some time away to refresh
• An intimate, good, and gracious God who knew the parts of my heart which longed for refilling, but didn't even know how to cry out to Him for what I didn't know I needed
• A basketball, friends, and a sunny court to pretend we were back in High School
• A chain hung porch swing overlooking miles of mountains topped in white snow
• Hours of car time to learn more deeply the stories of the beautiful women on this same adventure
• Having God speak directly to me, those thoughts and ideas smarter than I could ever think of
• Hugs and kisses upon my arrival home

Not only is there value in women gathering outside of the day to day routine, but there is value in the quiet refreshing which comes when we are intentional about saying, "No" to the routine, for a short duration, and saying, "Yes!" to whatever God may have in an outside quiet space.  This doesn't mean we should steal away for retreats every weekend, nor are we able to escape on vacations when the going gets tough or our hearts are dry.  I believe we can be intentional with God at home where nothing particularly profound is happening.  In fact, I believe it's there He encounters us if we stop and look around, giving thanks for the day to day and the little things.  But in this space in time, I'm grateful I jumped on the opportunity to retreat.

Two friends are linking up this week:  Heidi Jo and Heidi Jo.

Girlfriends, part 3

And then I met them...

Women from coast to coast.  Beautiful women with beautiful stories.  And, by “beautiful” I mean, real, candid, authentic, raw, not watered down, genuine, broken, not shattered, but broken wide open to reveal true heart and true grit.  My kind of real.  No sunshine blowing, yet tons of laughter and joy.  No competition amongst us, yet damn strong fighters.  Beautiful, beautiful women.  New girlfriends.  I am humbled I had the opportunity I did to be there with them all in that space and time.

On Saturday my friend Jessica introduced Kristin Armstrong to the group.  In her intro she shared a bit about her own love of girlfriend-time and a time in her life when she was really feeling drained without it.  This is the counsel a minister gave to her:  

He said, “Girlfriends are sacred.  They are part of your spiritual formation.” 

I wrote that down in ink and on my heart.  Wow!  The retreat could have ended right there for me!

Then, when Kristin shared with us, in her fabulous young 41-derful years, she spoke as a peer, unassuming and so candid, yet her wisdom was that of a true and faithful friend of 100 years.  She set the tone for authenticity.  It was a safe place for all of us to share, and that we did. 

Each one of us went around and shared our hearts.

And then she said it... 

…the hook, line, and sinker of the whole weekend for me, driving home what Jessica had stated earlier…

Kristin said, “Having girlfriends is not a luxury, it’s a necessity.  It’s mandatory.” 

(She wrote it out more thoroughly here on her blog...)

She also told us how she has recently boycotted the word, “Busy,” from her vocabulary, as well as not allowing her friends to use it around her, either.  Of course we’ll ALWAYS have stuff to do, places to go, blah, blah, blah, but the truth is, since deep heart friendships with women are sacred, we need to make the time.

This year God’s been teaching me to love myself.  As I mature, if you will, each year, I will say I am more and more self aware of my needs or desires, here on earth.  Clearly I need water, some food, shelter, a pair of jeans and comfy flip-flops.  But in order to be a better me, I also need:  time to quietly sit with God’s word each morning, hot mug in hand; date nights out with my husband; and couch-time snuggling with my 10 year old daughter as we dig into a great book.  And, I need to kiss my son on his neck and cheek, smell him and then tickle him so I can hear laughter from deep in his belly, a laughter I’m not able to conjure up on my own most days because I’ve seen too much.  I need solitude, too.  

And I need time with girlfriends.  It’s not always going to look like a weekend away without any responsibilities.  I know that.  But time with friends is something I long for and something from which I walk away refreshed.  I’ve loved it ever since I was a little girl and still cherish it as a grown-up. 

So here’s our takeaway:

• ·       Girlfriends are sacred. 
• ·       They are part of our spiritual formation. 
• ·       Girlfriends are NOT a luxury.
• ·       Time with girlfriends is a necessity. 

If the word "Busy" were deleted from your vocabulary, is there something else that is holding you back from spending time with life-giving friends?  It doesn't have to be hours on end...even just a half hour is a step in the right direction.

It's time for women to start building bridges for friendships to be nurtured and grow.  Imagine a world where healthy, beautiful friendships were everywhere we looked because they were established on trust and authenticity.

We all have stories...What is yours?

The world doesn't need more superficial relationships based on mistrust and name brand jeans.  The world needs women who are willing to go deep, women who are willing to cherish one another.

Yep.  That's what it needs...

Now, let's go carve out some time for the relationships in our lives which matter most!

Ready:  GO!

More On: Girlfriends!

NOT "Moron Girlfriends!"  Just to clarify...


There are many titles I could have gone with concerning this post:

"Modern Day Miracle!"

"Man Uncovers Ancient Secret!"

"Husband Found His Wife's Sweet Spot..."

"Mars Finally Moves to Venus to Form a Planetary Merger"

"Jesus Can Come On Back Now...All the Problems in the World are Solved."

Or, my favorite:

"My Husband is a Better Girlfriend than Me."

I know what you were thinking when you read the one about the "sweet spot", but that's not what I'm talking about here today.  Maybe another day?  Nah.  This isn't that kind of blog...

Anyway, here's a snippet of the conversation which took place in the corner of our kitchen the day before I left for my girlfriends' retreat earlier this month in Austin.  I must preface this to say, anyone who knows my husband knows he barely meets the minimum word requirements that a man may speak in one day...if I'm lucky, the guy spreads his 7,000 words a day out over the course of a week...so when he talks, I listen...

Part II:  Girls Gone Wild in Texas

Jason:  Why are you so stressed out?

Me:  When you ask me that it makes me feel like I’m not allowed to have stress…like, what could be so stressful about my life???

Jason:  No, that’s not it, I just want to know because you are visibly stressed…

Me:  First off, you know how I get when I’m packing and preparing for a trip, but also, I just feel so jumbled right now…I don’t feel like I’ve gotten into the swing of things, like I haven’t had a routine since last school year.  I do well with routine.  Everything is spinning…I feel like I am emotionally ON one-hundred percent of the time…I love, love, love being a wife and mom, I just don’t ever have other adult interaction.  A 2-year old talks at me all day.  Sometimes that gets emotionally draining...

Jason:  Maybe you should get a baby-sitter one day every week and spend some time with your friends.

Me:  That’s awesome in theory, but everyone is busy, plus we’re taking Financial Peace University!  What would Dave Ramsey say about this?  We need to budget in a babysitter…and if we do that, I’d want to use that time to go on a date with you…

Jason:  Adrienne, I cannot give you what time with your girlfriends provides.  Emily and Ryan cannot give you what they can give you.  I am willing to sacrifice one night a week with you where you spend time with friends so that you aren’t stressed…you need time for yourself.

And so there you go.  

My husband is a better girlfriend than I am.  

Let me just go ahead and have you read that again:

"Adrienne, I cannot give you what time with your girlfriends provides.  Emily and Ryan cannot give you what they can give you.  I am willing to sacrifice one night a week with you where you spend time with friends so that you aren’t stressed…you need time for yourself." - Jason Graves, brilliant genius husband, stellar dad, overall great guy...

Sitting in a Cambridge coffee shop, looking all business-like, holding secret knowledge about women tightly locked up in his brain...WHAT ELSE DO YOU KNOW, JASON?!

He’s, like, IN TUNE or something.  

Who knew?  I MEAN, I knew he was awesome, but for him to see that my heart truly needs, longs for, and thrives on time spent with my girlfriends, well, that’s like “Husband of the Year” material, you know what I’m sayin’!  Maybe even Nobel Prize stuff…

So, ladies, I'm not sure what to tell you at this point...maybe print this off and put it on the fridge, or above his bathroom sink, or in the garage on his workbench.  Print off a copy for his briefcase.  I don't suggest taping it to his new flat screen, but perhaps erecting an easel just off to the side or somewhere in his man-cave?  Maybe insert your name into the statement, record it, and then play it softly while your husband sleeps?  

Of course, praying that your husband would have his eyes opened and his heart in tune with God's design for women and friendship is likely the most life-changing route, but do what you gotta do :)  

The point is this:  My husband isn't insecure with the truth.  The truth is that I'm madly in love with him and he is my very best friend and I'd choose him any day over my girlfriends, but that doesn't mean I don't NEED or LIKE or LOVE being WITH my girlfriends on a regular basis because it's good for my heart.

*What will it take for you to understand what, quite possibly, your husband already knows about you?  And, whether you are married or not, what will it take for you to realize that solitude is good for a season, but God made girlfriends for a reason?

Get on the phone and set up a date with some of your friends...ready:  GO!

Girlfriends are MANDATORY!

I just got back from Austin, Texas, where I took part in a girls weekend.  Two friends from college, one from the East Coast, another from the West, dreamed it up and decided to invite their friends from around the country to meet in the middle.  Those friends invited friends, and so on, and so forth…

When I originally received the “Save the Date” I thought, “Man, this sounds like so much fun, but: I only know two of the women, I can’t technically afford to go, and what do I do with the kids?”  

I will say this; only knowing two of the women wasn’t enough of a roadblock.  I love women and love meeting new women and hearing their stories…it’s what makes my heart beat, it’s the whole emphasis of my non-profit, Bevy…but, I am a tight wad when it comes to money.  

Okay, so I’m not a tight wad.  I love to share and I think it’s fun to treat others to meals and such, but I don’t like to be a financial burden to my family.  As a wife and mom who stays at home, it’s important to me to financially steward our cash flow (Doing FPU right now...more on that later...).  So yeah, not to sound like a martyr or burden, but I’m not a huge fan of spending moo-lah on myself when I think of all the other ways it could be spent.  Whah, whah.

 

Anyway…I have to say, the “what do I do with the kids?” question left my mind about as quickly as it entered.  I’m not bragging in the sense of, “In YO FACE!” but my husband really does indeed ROCK.  I knew if I talked to him about this retreat and told him I really wanted to go and felt like I was supposed to be there, he would work with me to make it happen, which would include him making some sacrifices and working from home for at least part of my weekend away.  He knows how much I love to be with girlfriends.

The necessary self-portrait

Where cowboy boots are king...and girls night out mandatory!

With Kim and Jessica, the two friends with "Insane Courage!"

After our time with Kristin

Meeting another bereaved momma-friend

I can’t really explain why I felt like I was supposed to go to this girls’ weekend away, but I knew I wasn’t invited on accident and that whomever God would introduce me to over the course of the time away would fill my heart and inspire me to keep pressing on with the dreams God has put upon my heart for years now.

I can’t even begin to put into words all the things the Lord did in my heart over the course of one hot, but beautiful weekend in Austin.  I’m still processing much of it.  One thing that blessed my heart was the fact that I got to just show up.  I feel like a bit of a slacker writing that previous sentence, but I’ve been a leader among my peers and in women’s groups for as long as I can remember.  I’ve only been to one other retreat that I didn’t plan…and that was 8 years ago.  Ironically, I received the “Save the Date” from my friends, Kim and Jessica, the week after I cancelled a Midwest Bevy Retreat.  It seems I was due for a retreat, but not one I would have to plan or organize. 

I showed up with expectations.  Not expectations of people or that I’d be entertained all weekend, but anticipation of God’s hand in our time together, and for what each of us would take away.  I prayed a lot during the months leading up to September 6-9.  Prayers for my friends who were coordinating the weekend, prayers for Kristin Armstrong who shared with us on Saturday, prayers for all the women whom I had never met but whose stories I would get to hear throughout the weekend, prayers for my girlfriend living in Austin who would join me in the adventure, and prayers for my own heart to take it all in, hear God’s direction and purpose for my life, and to JUST BE!

The weekend exceeded my expectations!  It was a little tough to transition back into my "day to day extraordinary life", but not without hope or a course of action to move forward with dreams He has placed on my heart.

I'm just thankful to Kim and Jessica who took Matt Damon's advice and went for it!

I'm so grateful God knew what my heart needed even more than I did...He's BIG that way!

*What will it take for you and your girlfriends to realize time together isn't a luxury but rather mandatory for your heart?!

The night before I left for my trip, Jason and I had a heart to heart in the corner of the kitchen.  I will share more on that tomorrow…