September 3rd
Our wireless access doesn't work on the second floor right now, so I am down on one typing this while Jason and Noah hang out upstairs. Due to the holiday weekend, we won't have any results from any tests for a while. I'm having a tough time since he coughed out his breathing tube. I don't want to even leave the room to use the bathroom. I feel sick to my stomach being at home even though I need to do that to shower and spend time with Em, but being away from Noah's room is really hard for me now. The docs all changed on the first which is tough b/c our last one was a realist but also was optimistic.

Because he coughed out his breathing tube again, he is sedated a bit more, which can be good...he can sleep more, so that's good, but there's a fine line on sedation because I still want him to be able to work his muscles. We do PT with him every day so that he doesn't atrophy.

I'm not happy with Adam and Eve AT ALL, especially Eve. I wonder what mothering would have looked like if she hadn't messed things up! It's the hardest thing to be a parent and not be able to "fix" things! Noah continues to melt my heart minute by minute. I want to squeeze him and love him and snuggle with him. I never knew you could love your second kid as much as your first...I didn't know I had that kind of love in my heart.

Okay, so sobbing in a public place isn't pretty, so I'm headed back up to his room. Just wanted you all to know he's stable, he's cuter than ever, he's gaining weight, and he's being blessed by all your prayers! Thanks for everything!