Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Brought to you with permission:

Today at 5:30 Eastern Standard Time, Erin delivered Griffin Jacob naturally, without any need for induction...he died in utero. He weighed in at 12 ounces and measured 10 inches long. Erin said he has Jackson's nose, George's jaw line and a muscular build like a long, lanky basketball player (Erin has a great lean muscular build but she probably didn't say that so she wouldn't be bragging...so I added that part).

Erin was grateful that she was able to go into labor on her own. Earlier today the doctors did an amnio where they injected some sort of blue fluid and then waited to see when or if it left her body. It came out immediately, meaning there was a tear in her placenta.

She said she and the nurse and her mom have taken a lot of pictures because a photographer wasn't available due to the quick delivery.

Tonight Erin and George will have a blessing service to dedicate Griffin Jacob to the Lord.

If you are interested in Erin's contact information, please email me at: adexoxox@gmail.com. I'll get back to you as soon as possible. She does not know how long they will keep her at the hospital.

Thank you so much for your prayers. Erin said she could sense God's peace beyond measure.

Monday, August 27, 2007

My friend, Erin, who has been fighting for her marriage is now fighting for her pregnancy...Erin has been hospitalized for bed rest since Saturday morning due to placenta previa. She will be 20 weeks tomorrow, however, today, unless a miracle comes in some other way, Erin is due to deliver Griffin Jacob either through c-section or induction. George, Jackson, and Erin's mom are with her now and are waiting to be transported to a larger facility in Charlottesville, VA, where doctors are waiting. Erin's WBC is really high because her amniotic fluid count has dropped dramatically. Griffin needs a miracle to live on this earth. Erin, George and Jackson need prayers for healing, strength, protection and hope...and however else the Holy Spirit leads you to pray. Erin said she has peace in her heart with what all is happening, but will you all please lift up this family in your prayers as the hours and days approach? Miracles and healing STILL happen!

Here is her blog site: http://inhotpursuitofgod.blogspot.com/
Em: Mom, I'm not very comfortable here.

Me: Okay, sweetie, we're almost home and then you can get out of your car seat.

Em: No, mom, I'm not comfortable on Earth.

Me: Oh. (Of course that's what I thought you meant!)

Me: That's actually good that you feel that way. Do you know why?

Em: Why?

Me: Well, the Bible says we are aliens and strangers in this world. Not aliens like you may have heard boys talk about from movies with green faces and 3 eyeballs, but more like if you moved to a country where everyone looked differently than you and you couldn't understand the language or talk to anyone. God didn't make us to live on Earth like we do. He made us to live with Him in the Garden of Eden where we could go on adventures with Him and enjoy hanging out with Him. We were made for His physical presence, so living here on Earth without being able to see God and walk with Him like Adam and Eve did should feel uncomfortable. Their pride was tempted in the Garden by the devil, though, and their choice affected all the rest of the people on Earth. If we get too comfortable here, then we won't be excited about being with God, like we are supposed to be.

Em: I'm excited to be with God!

Me: Me too! Is that what you meant by 'not being comfortable'?

Em: Yep.

*In response to the judgmental comment left regarding the above post, I'll let you all in on another conversation I had with Em today as a result of it...

Me: You know the other day when you said you weren't comfortable here? What did you mean by that? (As if I had to ask since I knew exactly what she meant...she's my kid!)

Em: I meant that I think Heaven will be fun.

Me: What about Earth? Do you like life here?

Em: Well yeah, I have lots of fun here and friends, but I just know Heaven is going to be way more fun.

Me: That's what I thought you meant...You know Em, you are very smart. You are a lot smarter than a lot of grown ups.

Em: Why?

Me: Because you listen to the Holy Spirit...let's go play with your playdough...

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Today is the day that Noah's lung collapsed...The night before on the 22nd while holding him I could feel something was wrong with his breathing. I told the nurse I wanted an x-ray right away. She reminded me of the pecking order, that only a physician could order x-rays. I told her to tell the physician to order an x-ray because I knew Noah's lung had collapsed. (*side note: I'm not a fan of politics in medicine...) Jason spent the night and I went home to sleep and shower. My best friend was in town and the next morning I was supposed to take Em to a pre-preschool play date with all the children from the 3 and 4 year old classes. That morning while I was pulling up to Em's gathering, Jason called to tell me that Noah's lung had indeed collapsed...the doctors had ordered an x-ray that morning (great idea). Noah was placed in the iron lung in the above picture in an attempt to re inflate his lung without having to intubate him...it didn't work.

God told me to read Colossians and Philippians the other morning...

Noah could have written the first chapter of Philippians. So could have Steve G., Elizabeth M., little man Ricky, sweet little Isaac, Jack M., Jason's gramma, Billy N., precious Elliot, and countless others...so could have living examples like a teenager named Collin, a cute little guy named Brody, Josh B., Heidi Jo W., and maybe your loved one or yourself...

But Paul wrote it by the inspiration of God. He wrote the words that the above mentioned felt and many continue to feel. He also wrote it to inspire because many people who are imprisoned by one thing or another (whether literally in the state penitentiary or physically in their own bodies) mentally, emotionally and spiritually stay in prison.

"Now I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel. As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ. Because of my chains, most of the brothers in the Lord have been encouraged to speak the word of God more courageously and fearlessly." Philippians 1:12-14

Noah did not die in vain. Satan did not receive credit for Paul's imprisonment. The people that I mentioned above who suffered in their bodies and went on to be with Christ always pointed others to the Father. The names above of those still living are doing so for the glory of God. When Adam and Eve fell to the wooing pride of satan's ploy in the Garden, certain things were set in motion on earth outside of God's physical presence. What satan intends for evil, God will use for His glory. Job wasn't a pretend story. This isn't Hollywood, it's real life. The real tragedy is not that heroes suffer or die before we think they should, it's that some of those involved aren't living, they are only watching. If age were a factor, more people should be upset that Christ died when He was 33. That's 'young' in earth mentality. Why when reading the obituaries do some people think it's fine that the 90 year old died but not the 15 year old who had so much to live for? What if the two arrive in heaven and are able to see the bigger picture and the 90 year old says, "Oh man! Earth was fun and I loved my family, but I can't believe I had to be there so long!" and the 15 year old says, "Thank you, Lord, that I got to come Home sooner than that guy..."

I'm not pretending to have all the answers. I just know that unless I live life with an eternal perspective of being part of the Bride of Christ, my life here on earth will seem hopelessly trivial.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

"Loosely affiliated..."

I've thought about the above wording a lot lately. I've heard it in different circles, and if not that exact terminology, words of equivalent significance. The words imply a casual connection, a non-intimate or familiar relationship. Often it is in reference to a religious denomination affiliation. "I was born Catholic...I'm kind of a Christian...I'm Jewish by blood but not practice, you know, socially..."

God's not looking to be 'loosely affiliated' with any one of His children. He's intimate. If He weren't, He wouldn't have sent His Son to live earth life among His creation. Religion would have been sufficient...you know, actions here and there, going to worship once in a while, expecting a priest or pastor or rabbi to do the work for us. Intimacy, truly getting into God's word to know Who He is, seeking His will in prayer, that's not casual. It has nothing to do with denominational preference. It has everything to do with grasping the plain fact that God is so in love with us that He desires to be the Director of our lives, for His glory and for our good.

means: to bring or receive into close connection as a member or branch, to combine

Loosely means: not rigidly fastened or securely attached; not in the possession of either of two competing teams

The definition of 'affiliation' reminds me in God's word about Christ being the Vine and us being the branches. It also lays heavily on my heart that pruning is necessary when it comes to vines. Pruning keeps the branches close to the Source. I don't despise it...

The definition of 'loosely' in the context of being connected to something is downright frightful. The branch on our peach tree that was loose from the last storm is in the dumpster in the alley. And as far as 'not being in the possession of either of two competing teams' as in a ball, well, in the scope of eternity, there are two competing teams: God's and satan's. If God doesn't have possession of your life, with Christ as the captain, there's only one other team...and believe me, it's not news that he's competing diligently to 'steal the ball'.

Monday, August 20, 2007

We did not carve this ourselves. It was etched in a table at a restaurant on the Yale campus in New Haven.
My brave friend, Clara. I was blessed to see her for 45 minutes.
My big sister, Ashley...I'm the middle child, and yes, I'm bigger.

Blog worlds collide, but in a good way...
Dinner with old friends and new.
Entertainment, Hampton style.
They look like old friends, don't they?

Well, whirlwind would be one word to describe the previous week. We hit NY, CT, RI and NY in 5 1/8 days. We had some God-orchestrated encounters, and even now thinking of the timing of one of them, I'm in awe...My friend Clara, who was my neighbor in Denver, moved to CT a few years back to build relationships with her family. Just 3 weeks ago she moved to CA for a job opportunity that God opened up to her. Meanwhile, over the past year+, Clara's older brother was battling brain cancer. She had just flown from CT to CA after visiting her brother the day Em and I were hanging in the Denver airport. She called me to tell me she was catching another plane to go back to CT because her brother wasn't doing well. Em and I landed in NY at 9ish and were going to head up toward RI with Jason that night but we were all too tired, so we found a hotel in Stamford. Clara called me the next morning to let me know that she arrived at her brother's 10 minutes after he went to be with Jesus...She said, "Em and I have something in common now...both of us have brothers in heaven." If Em and I had been on time for our original flight, we wouldn't have been able to give Clara a hug! Thanks, God!

We were able to connect the next day in a small town near her brother's home for a cup of soup, a bowl of tears and hugs all around. This 'happened' to be a town that the Amtrak went through, so Em and I caught the train to my sister's town in RI from there so Jason could head to his meeting.

Em loved the train. The conductor came to stamp our tickets and I informed him that this was Em's first train ride. He took her ticket and punched out the letters of her name. Her face lit up and she looked at me and said, "I must be very special!" (Uh, yeah!)

We picked blueberries, made sandcastles, toured the cute ocean side towns and villages, explored the Girl Scout camp where my sister's husband is the caretaker, roasted marshmallows, listened to Uncle Dan play the piano, went fishing, ate clam cakes (not a big fan...), saw big fishing boats, tried to clam dig, and finished the visit off with a tour of the Pequot Museum where I could spend several more hours learning more American history! Amazing!

Then, we set off to meet "Karen Kool" and family. Karen and I have emailed throughout our time with Noah. She found out about Noah through mutual friends (we all attended ORU and were involved with Teen Mania Ministries...). Anyway, she's just as spontaneous as me, and thankfully so is my family, so we hopped on the ferry from CT to NY and drove down to the Hampton's to meet Terry and Karen and their six beautiful kids (and their white lab named 'Noah'). (By the way, another non-coincidental encounter...on the ferry we were going to sit outside upstairs but it began to rain. We headed downstairs indoors and I sat next to a girl who is a resident medical student at Harvard Med School studying to be a...pediatric neurologist. Noah's neurologist just moved from Denver to Harvard this summer, so they WILL meet. Oh yeah, and she's from Thief River Falls, MN, which isn't very far from where Jason grew up in South Dakota...and, she lost her little brother several years back. So, I guess we were supposed to be on the 5:30 ferry to Orient Pt!)
Back to blog worlds colliding...Not only did we meet them, we stayed there, too! Now that's hospitable! Karen is real, just like her blog. I couldn't love her more! It was like two new old friends who got to hang out briefly. You can tell by her family she loves them well...And, the next day after a driving tour, we were able to connect with old friends from college/Teen Mania that I hadn't probably seen in 10 years. They live out there in the summer, so it was neat to reconnect with them and meet their little boys.

I tell ya, it's good to be home, but not to settle into the comfort of monotonous boredom! To an extent, for my personality (flow, fly by the seat of my pants...) routine is good, but I'm looking forward to more God-orchestrated meetings in my agenda! I like variety!

Real life wax Pequot Indians at the Pequot Museum in CT.
Pollution from NYC made this sunset spectacular! Jason literally had to put on the brakes and throw it into reverse at my request because I couldn't believe it was real. The sun looked like a red bouncy ball in the sky. (This is out on the North Fork of Long Island, NY)
One patient back seat rider, anticipating the next adventure.

Riding in the "Superman" mobile at Camp Hoffman, RI.
Experiencing the cots with Uncle Dan in an offical Girl Scout tent.
She pulled in a large mouth bass and a blue gill...booyeah!

The hole.
Always thinking about him...
A colorful mess of nets.

Planes, trains, automobiles AND a ferry...Em got to experience all of these modes of transportation on our recent trip.
We picked our very own blueberries in Rhode Island with my sister. It was a beautiful day and the berries were abundant.
Em enjoyed the beach in RI, digging a hip deep hole and constructing a beautiful castle complete with a moat.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Well, Em and I were headed to NY LaGuardia this morning out of DIA to meet up with Jason. From there, we’d go on to RI to see my older sister and her family for the week while Jason worked in MA and CT. Unfortunately, we missed our 10:45 am flight…I pushed it a little close and had we not stood in a line for security for 45 minutes, we would have made it with flying colors! We checked in on time because our suitcase went on without us. The lady at the gate did not take pity on the single mom and daughter running through the airport, sweating profusely with a rolling carry-on in tow, arriving at the gate just as the doors closed…I said, “Can we get on the flight?” She said simply, “The door is closed.” Em and I sat down on a nearby bench and breathed for a while. Em stated the obvious, “Daddy’s going to be sooooo disappointed”. “Mom, what are you doing?” “Just trying to breathe, kid, just trying to breathe…”

Well, there was another flight at 3:10, but it was overbooked…and then, of course, there’s the convenient red-eye with a 5 year old at 12:30 am, “with plenty of seats if you’d like to confirm…”, arriving at 6:30 am NY time! Oh yeah! Sign me up! I’ll take a dozen! I totally want to spend 12+ hours in the airport with my peanut, who is a good traveler, but let’s not push it…So, anyway, after securing the 1 and 2 spot on the stand by list for the 3:10, Em and I had a leisurely lunch of ‘cheesy-dillas’ and watched two girls hula hoop for a half hour on the mezzanine. We also went back to customer service and shelled out the extra $50 to confirm ourselves on the 3:10 because, magically, 3 seats ‘appeared’, two side by side. We’ll be arriving in NYC at 9pm instead of 4 something, but, if you don’t go with the flow, you don’t GO!

I really want to take a cab out to the Hamptons just to give Mrs. Kool a hug…looking at maps of the east coast, it all looks so close…BUT, I’m thinking my husband will put a kibosh on that idea since I’m the weasel who missed my flight and made him wait FIVE hours for us, and that’s with major jetlag from England…(Sweetheart, I really do love you and am very sorry we missed our flight…I take full responsibility.)

Either way, it’s been a good day, minus the breathing episode. Em and I have had fun thinking of today as our great adventure. She knows liquids in larger containers than 3 oz. aren’t allowed on the planes, but just to make sure all other things ARE allowed, she runs them by me…”Mom, can I take paper and crayons on the plane? Paper doesn’t hurt anyone, unless of course you get a paper cut…do they allow popcorn…how about my gum, mom?’ She strikes up conversations with strangers and makes the most of every opportunity. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade! Right?!

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Bono Modern Day David?

Yesterday Em and I went on a picnic with my girlfriend, her 3 children and her 9 year old nephew. My cell rang out, "Beautiful Day" (Jason was calling from England...no, I didn't get to go this time...) My friend's nephew said, "Hey, that's U2. I know that song." First, I want to thank his parents for exposing him to such a great band (smile). My friend said, "Why don't you ask Adrienne why that song is on her phone?" So, this is how it went...

Nephew: Do you like U2?
Me: Yes. U2 is my favorite band of all time.
N: Why?
Me: Well, have you ever heard of a guy in the Bible named David? He wrote songs to God?
N: Maybe.
Me: Well, David loved God with his whole heart so he wrote songs that told of God's glory, but also of his heart for God. Bono, the lead singer of U2 is kind of like a modern day David. He loves God with his whole heart.
N: Do you like the song, "Numb"?
Me: Yes. That was written by Edge, the lead guitarist of U2. His wife and he were splitting up and his heart was really sad...
N: He felt numb.
Me: Yep. He felt numb, so he told God about it.
Me: Well, the reason I have "Beautiful Day" on my phone is because there is a line in the song that says, "After the flood, all the colors came out."
N: I don't really listen to the words...
Me: I definitely do, that's why that song is on my phone. Really, I could pick any U2 song to put on my phone. Have you ever heard about a flood that happened on earth?
N: Yeah, with a guy named Moses and an ark or something....(thinking face...)
Me: It wasn't Moses...can you think of the guy's name?
My friend: Sounds like 'something ark'.
Nephew: Noah's Ark! Yeah, that's it!
Me: Yep, Noah's Ark, nice work. Noah obeyed God and built an ark because God told him there would be a flood, the ark would keep his family and the animals safe.
N: Like 'Evan Almighty'!
Me: Yep. Well, I had a little boy named Noah who got sick and died. That song is talking about the rainbow of God's promise after the flood. We chose that song to be Noah's song.
N: That is so sad. Do you know why Noah died?
Me: No. No one knows why Noah got sick and died. He stopped being able to breathe on his own and machines were keeping his lungs and his heart pumping. He didn't open his eyes anymore and couldn't move his sweet little body.
N: That is so sad. Losing a child is the hardest thing you will ever do on earth.
Me: (In my brain I'm thinking there is no way this kid is 9!)
Me: Yes. I imagine it is because I can't think of anything harder.
N: No, there is nothing. What happened?
Me: Well, on January 12th, Noah's daddy and I took Noah off the ventilator and gave him to God.
N: That is the best choice you could have made. Then he wasn't suffering and he could be in heaven. That was the best choice. You did the right thing.
Me: That's what we had to figure out, and we decided that God's presence was way better for Noah than being in a hospital with no answers, hooked up to machines that were keeping him alive.
N: You made the best choice. If I were sick in the hospital, with machines keeping me alive, I would want my mom and dad to make that choice for me.
Me: (There's no way you are 9!)
Me: Would you like to see pictures?

I showed my friend's nephew two mini picture albums I keep in my purse that one of Noah's nurses gave me. Some are pre-hospital, some are during the stay, ie. Christmas, my birthday, etc, and a couple are after we took Noah off the vent.
N: That is so sad. You made the right choice. I honestly think that is the most difficult thing anyone would ever have to do on earth, but you made the right decision. I wouldn't want to be on machines suffering, I'd want to be free in heaven. You will always have Noah in your heart.
Me: (Finally unable to contain it, I burst into tears and said...) I can't believe you are 9! You are so wise! Thank you for listening to my story! I can't believe you are 9!

Of course, this was the day after we studied in "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore, that children ROCK! Why was I shocked?! The disciples were bickering about "Who was the greatest in heaven? Jesus called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: 'I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 18:1-4 (read the whole thing, it's AWESOME, of course...)

Jesus went on to talk about anyone who leads a child into sin and the consequences they would reap. It was good for Jesus to drive home the point of leading one of his favorites astray, which was the second point of this passage. The first point, however, was to have faith and hunger for God like a child. Of course my friend's nine year old nephew got it immediately. Simplicity. Trust. Faith unwavering, untainted, not seen through the eyes of the world but purely through the eyes of a child. Of course it took me longer...I had allowed my theology degree and my quote un-quote educated brain to be at the forefront of my life instead of being led by the Spirit of God. Once things were in order, trusting God was hard, but trusting Him brought peace.

Instead of thinking, "I can't believe you are so wise and you're only 9!" Now when I meet someone who's older and in a faith crisis, I'll think, "I'm sorry you're not 9, or 5, or 7!"

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Sledge Hammer

I'm angry...Jason thinks I should take a kick-boxing class...personally, a sledge hammer class would be more up my alley. And, because satan is incapable of reading my mind, I need to get this off my chest, because he needs a good reminding...

Me: "I hate your stinking guts, satan! I abhor you! I think you suck and everything you represent sucks! I know all about you...you are the father of lies, the great deceiver and your whole goal in existence is to wreak havoc on God's beautiful creation, on the heart of mankind because you are so pissed that you got the boot out of God's presence! Greed gets you nowhere! Well, just because misery loves company doesn't mean we're all buying into your lies! I hate your freaking guts, hopefully as much as God hates you! Why the hell you wanted to mess with my family, I'll know in full because God's Word says I will, but like Job, you don't win when it comes to us! You're an ass! You know what God's Word, the true Word, the Word that gives life says about you?! It exposes you and your schemes, and since I read God's Word, I don't buy into your tactics in my life or the lives of anyone around me! God gives His people His word so that you're exposed...Revelation 12:17 says, "Then the dragon was enraged at the woman and went off to make war against the rest of her offspring-those who obey God's commandments and hold to the testimony of Jesus." You're a freaking #@$##@%$%^%&^#&^#%!
God's word exposes you as a cunning snake, a roaring lion prowling around looking for who to destroy. It says you are liar and a thief, trying to steal away the Word planted in us. You masquerade as an angel of light, which you have to do because you are counterfeit! You are the opposite of Christ who is the Light of the World! I know you are ticked because Christ defeated you under His feet by His blood that was shed on the cross and you are mad every time a humans eyes are opened to the grace and goodness of God because it means that the chains of deception no longer bind them! (breath...)

Me: "I serve the omnipotent, omniscient, loving God of the Universe, Creator of all that is seen and unseen! I love Him with all of my heart and I hate you with all of my guts! I serve Him and Him only and I will live every day that God gives me on this earth to spread the truth of His love with whomever I meet. And guess what, you freaking jerk?! Even if my days end tomorrow (which, FYI, in case you forgot, God numbers our days, not you!), death has no sting! I know the Truth and He has set me free! You messed with the wrong girl, devil! I know you hate being reminded of where you stand, which is defeated for eternity because of Christ, the Son of God, but sometimes you just need an earful...not enough people know you are an ass. They blame God for everything under the sun instead of hating you for what you do and praising God for Who He is. (*Remember Revelation 12:17...) It was obviously the worst thing in all existence when your pride got you cast from God's presence! How miserable you have been since that day! I don't feel sorry for you, though, because you are a big fat jerk who has been trying to deceive man, created in God's image, God's very delight, since the moment God made us and blessed us in the Garden. Well, in case you think you are gaining ground, you aren't! Christ is coming for His Bride, the Church, and we are getting our hearts together! You can't lie to us to buy into the deception of division, bickering, strife, gossip and comparison. I repent to God for all of those things and I'm not the only one! If you really think I've bought into the lie that life is all about here and this is as good as it gets, let me remind you...living on earth out of the physical presence of God is as close to hell as I ever want to be. This isn't as good as it gets, this is a detour, no thanks to you, and once your head is bashed in for eternity, I get to live in the City of God forever. I get to behold the Creator of the Universe, Yhwh, and live in His radiance. It's going to be TOTALLY AWESOME! I get to see Noah again, and he is whole! His name means, "Nothing Missing, Nothing Broken", so he is whole and healed and he has seen in full why he was only here a short time...You think you can destroy families, namely mine by already trying to snatch two of my 3 children, but you are so deceived, NOT ME! I know all about your plan to try to lead the whole world astray..."Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ. For the accuser of our brothers, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down." Revelation 12:10 And since I know you know God's word because you quoted it back to Jesus when you were attempting to lead Him astray, I'll remind you that Revelation 12:11 & 12 and the rest of the chapter says, "They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death. Therefore rejoice, you heavens and you who dwell in them! But woe to the earth and the sea, because the devil has gone down to you! He is filled with fury, because he knows that his time is short."

Since you aren't infinite and all-knowing, I just wanted to make sure it was perfectly clear how very much I hate your stinking guts and how very much I love the God who created me! I love Him bigger than the Universe, more than the grains of sand and more than every star in the eternal galaxies. To Him be the Glory, now and forever! There's not a chance I'll zip my lip!"

Puking on satan feels good...

Recently I've been asked if I ever have hard days because I am so strong. If I didn't have bad days, I'd be denying the way God created me. Yes, my heart and mind are set on things above, but I live here right now and so I bawl, I miss Noah, I look at his pictures everyday. I think it stinks that a year ago began this crazy journey, but since I know God's Word and what it says about the devil, I also know that curling up in a ball of depression for the rest of my life would be pointless and exactly what the devil would want...No. Verse 11 says it all..."They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death."

Monday, August 06, 2007


Our last two South Dakota sunsets...

We are back in Denver as of last night. We had a really good month in South Dakota with family and friends…laughs, tears, hugs, good conversation, times of prayer, and, of course, gorgeous sunsets. David wrote in the book of Psalms that even the sun praises God. In Revelation, John says that in the City of God there will be no need of the sun because God’s glory will be our light. Everything on earth depends on the sun for life. Everything. The earth would freeze over without the sun. I wonder if we live our lives like they depend on God for EVERYTHING? Like He’s the center of our universe? I stared at sunsets all month and am in awe of the magnitude of the reality that even the sun praises the same God I adore with my heart…and not just the sun, but the moon, the stars, the skies. Perhaps I’m talking a little too ‘creationy’ for some Christians, but the reality is there are many who claim to know intimacy with God but don’t cry out as loudly as a silent sparkling star millions of miles away, yet He’s worthy…

(Once it stops raining, I'll post a view from my yard of a Denver sunset...fyi, it won't be nearly as exciting with the house behind me, the electrical wires, and the rest of the city between us and the mountains. You'll see why I was adamant about catching every sunset this summer...)

Thursday, August 02, 2007

August 2nd

On August 2nd, 2006, Noah left our home for the rest of his earth life. I really thought it would be a short trip. It was supposed to be an outpatient visit with neurology. I woke up bawling. For some reason, the year anniversary of the day he entered the hospital is harder than I expected. I am grateful that times have changed and that Em was allowed to visit her brother whenever she wanted to. I told her that today, one year ago, she was at home with a babysitter while we took Noah to the hospital. She said, "He never came home again." I said, "I know, Em. I think that stinks. I really miss that beautiful boy." She said, "I miss him, too."

It's been difficult for me to read whether Emily knows how to miss her brother. Sometimes when I ask her, she says, "No. He's in heaven. He's okay." But, the other night, I told her a story (without using names) about a loving mommy and daddy that wanted a baby, so God sent a sweet little girl. Then, the mommy and daddy and big sister wanted another baby, so God sent a little boy. He loved that family more than anything, but God said it was time to come to heaven...He even gave the sweet little guy a glimpse of it. Then the boy said, "Please make sure my big sis and mommy and daddy know I love them and that where I'm going, they can come too, really soon. It will help them." I said in the story that the family was sad, but that they had hope. Emily had her head in the pillow and I realized she was bawling. (This is the first time she's had a good cry about losing her brother...) She said, "Mom, that story is about us. It makes me sad." I said, "Sweetie, I didn't tell you that story to make you sad. It's okay to be sad, Em. Some days we will miss Noah more than other days. Is today a day like that for you?" She said, "Yes, mom, I miss my brother."

Even though, as a parent, we hate to see our children sad, it was good for Em to learn that when Christ said to live one day at a time, He meant it. It wasn't thrown in there to take up space! Some days are better than others, and some days just BITE!

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

God's Artwork in SD

Why is it called a 'sunset' when the sun does not move?
(random thoughts that go through my mind...)
Either way, I'll miss these vistas when we return to Denver in a week.
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SD Sunsets

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