Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Hope it's not too late...

Here's a gift for you for the's my sister-in-law Rosana's recipe and it ROCKS! I use all organic ingredients, but it tastes good either way...

1 - 15 oz. can organic pumpkin
2/3 cup brown sugar
2/3 cup heavy whipping cream
1/3 cup whole milk (I used Rice milk b/c that's all I have...)
2 large eggs
1/4 cup cane sugar
1 tsp pure vanilla
2 tsp ground Saigon cinnamon
1 1/2 tsp ground ginger
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp allspice
1/4 tsp sea salt

Mix all ingredients in a mixer until well blended. Pour into homemade or purchased organic crust. Bake at 375 for 35 minutes. Remove from oven, top with the following mixture and bake for 15 to 20 more minutes until done.

In a blender or food processor, mix until fine:
20 Ginger Snaps
2 T cane sugar
1 T flour
2 T chilled butter
Let cool and top with homemade whipping cream and ENJOY! If you like pumpkin, this one will knock your socks off!

I pray that each of you is encouraged this Thanksgiving. I know we all have different things for which we are thankful, some of us health, others it's family and friends, some fortune...for me, I am grateful that God loves me exactly the way I am...why He does that, I'll one day know, but in the meantime, I'll revel in that fact...I hope you can, too! Happy Thanksgiving!

Monday, November 24, 2008

And the winner is...

Well, this was hard actually. They were all pretty hilarious! Karen, where do you find this stuff? No, seriously! Heidi Jo, you're right on the Seinfeld re-runs...I was sad when they stopped that, really sad! Milt, I got the video of the little old lady converting to digital...that was great! That was my mom and dad until they took a computer course. Erin, being the mom of a son must be why you are so into bodily functions! You know where you can always come for those! Some of you voted for Anita Renfroe's Overture...priceless and so true! Karen Kool introduced me to that a long while back, as well as the one Michawn posted about Jesus and His disciples. FUNNY! No wonder a lot of people think some Christians are B-O-R-I-N-G! (We just need to introduce them to the real Jesus! He's the one that gave us a sense of humor...) I love the quads laughing hysterically...a few of you entered that one! And I loved the little baby video that Christel sent in where the kid can go from laughing to giving the evil eye in an instant! I can never do that...I always crack up! Actually, watching his video made me want to eat his ice cream cone! Keri, the "Jesus is a friend of mine" video was great! Carly, the video Keri sent in is probably why you've avoided 'Christian' music for so long! So funny! Julie in TN, I'm so glad to know that my savior's name is Owen...who knew?! Here all this time I thought it was Jesus! Kid's say the darnedest things!

I just want to thank you all for sending in funnies for me and everyone else to enjoy! I really had fun watching these and then linking to other ones from there! I do want to say, though, that none made me pee my pants...

So, without further ado, here's the one that made me crack up! This one was sent in by The Bagley Bunch. And here's why...the day before we laid Noah before the Lord, I went in for a pedicure. I knew that I wanted a picture of the bottom of all our feet. The ladies were all so sweet in there and any time after Noah died when I went in there, they'd all come say hi or talk amongst themselves and then look at me, talk amongst themselves and look at me again. Anyway, it's FUNNY! Ms. Bagley, please email me your address at so I can send you your prize!

And, we had a second place winner, too! Momand2kidz, your video cracked me up, as well. I have to know if that kid is from Jersey?! Will you please email me, too, so I can send you your prize?

Thanks, again, for the laughs! All of them!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Okay, let's make it a contest...

We took Em and Noah to the Black Hills in July '06

These are of a daddy and his favorite girl, enjoying time together even in the midst of a Pediatric Intensive Care Unit...Noah's first room...

See the pictures above...I want to laugh as hard as her...

Fun suggestion! Yes, this will be entirely subjective, but knowing you made a grown woman pee her pants while laughing and crying simultaneously deserves a prize!

SO...the contest ends Saturday at midnight, Mountain Time. The winner will be mentioned here, plus I'll post their link to the funny that made my guts hurt in hopes you'll laugh, too...and, I'll send you a comedic devotional that's got some funny stories in it as your token of appreciation!

Let's get the laughter rolling...

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


I've been needing a good laugh lately...prior to the blog comment drama...just needing a laugh. I mean seriously, God even says laughter is a good medicine. Literally, the last time I remember laughing so hard I cried it was on a date night LONG AGO with Jason when "Garden State" was at an independent theatre in was the scene in the waiting room with the dog and the Princess Leah girl...I was laughing hysterically out loud, WAY after the scene was over. I told a friend recently that I want to laugh so hard I pee my pants...or at least cry, in a happy cry kind of way. So, in light of that, my friend Rachel sent me this:

Then I found this:

If you have a good joke, story, or know of a good youtube video that is sure to crack us all up, please attach it to your comment. Use your discretion...

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Random thoughts... no particular order:
  • I'm not easily offended. I have always welcomed discussion and differing opinions here, even though it's my blog. I am not really sure if I am offended or if my feelings are just hurt, but even after 2+ years of blogging about so many random things and having both positive and negative responses to all different subjects, somehow my heart just hasn't gotten used to the mean-spirited or accusatory comments.
  • Writing is a difficult task. Writing well is even worse...I know because I am not the best writer of all time. Trying to convey the truly random thoughts that race through my heart and mind on any one given day is why some days I don't write ANYTHING. And when I do, I know that my tone, facial expressions, body language and eye contact is not available to the reader. That frustrates me because if you don't know me personally, 'you' are able to judge me...however 'you' see fit...
  • I know that a blog by the mom of a dead kid is not a fun place to frequent. Of course this place was more exciting when Noah was alive, in the hospital...mystery, expectancy, the unknown...if I were continuing the blog for the purpose of gaining readers or being popular, I could have kept Noah on life support longer...BUT I'm not a freaking sicko...BUT BELIEVE ME, this isn't why I wanted a blog...Jason tried to get me to blog long ago when Em was our only she's our only child, but not out of choice...
  • I cried myself to sleep on Friday night after reading some comments. I'm not writing that so anyone feels sorry for me. I was sad because I was blown away by how one person's biased interpretation of what I write at any given time can be skewed to look like something I hadn't intended. I was frustrated because if I had printed this post one or two years ago, no one would be trying to burn me over the coals as referring to O. It would have just been a post about the end times...what it was intended to be...
  • Like I said here, I don't think O is the anti-Christ. Why people want me to state one way or the other is beyond me. Yes, I have freedom of speech and I exercise it. I am grateful for that. But I don't know who THE anti-Christ is. I know WHO Christ is...
  • I cried myself to sleep on Saturday night because I was nauseated over the inadequacies of modern medicine and its shortcomings in saving my beautiful son.
  • I have heard people mock and say slanderous things against O. I have cut them off and said it wasn't cool. I have encouraged them that our job is to pray for him and his family.
  • Being passionate about something and being mean-spirited are two different things. My friends, family and people who know me know I am not mean-spirited.
  • I will not rally behind ANY man except JESUS CHRIST, MY LORD AND THE SAVIOUR OF MY SOUL, THE SON OF GOD! HE is EVERYTHING to me!
  • Really, I'm annoyed it's an election year so anything Biblical that I write about (or anyone else who does, for that matter) is going to be viewed through politically biased glasses by some, no matter what it is.
  • I'm going to continue to seek the Lord with my whole heart and I am not ashamed of it. His word says I will find Him when I seek Him with all my I read and seek Him, I will share my heart here...on my blog.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

What's right will be wrong and what's wrong will be right...

Doesn't anyone else find it curious that Eve didn't think it strange to have a conversation with a snake?!!!

Em and I have talked about this quite often and our theory is that quite possibly animals were able to speak in the Garden. I'm not saying that's true, I'm just thinking out loud here...(Now, for those who don't think the Bible is literal, the story of the Garden of Eden and Adam and Eve is just that...a story...and, if you don't think the Bible is literal then, relatively speaking of course, Jesus isn't the only way to God...)But, since the Bible is literal, it's a story in that it's an account of a very unique and special time in the history of God's people. A time where God literally walked with His creation. Where every animal came to Adam to be named. Where God and man and woman hung out...not in boundless freedom but within a loving setting where God said all of it was theirs to enjoy, but not to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Why? Why not eat from it? What's the big deal? Well, God knew what the big deal was but satan made that decision appear to be one of little or no consequence...he made it seem enticing. "You're not really going to die..." It'll feel good, come on, it's not as big a deal to disobey the Living God of the Universe as you might think...I did it a while back...see, I'm still 'alive'...come on, now, give it a go...The tree itself was not 'evil' if you will. The act of choosing to eat from it after God had warned not to was what was truly detrimental..the beginning of life outside of God's physical presence. No wonder the devil wanted company...he was miserable!

You see, when Jesus said the anti-Christ would come, he told us so we would know. He told us about the signs of the end of the age, so we would know. God wrote His word down on paper for us to read and feast off, so we would know. People who don't read God's word then are easily deceived by things that sound good, politically correct, peaceful, because let's face anti-Christ coming and the end of the world...that doesn't sound like 'fun times'. No, we'd rather go about our busy lives, attending this and that, doing good deeds and 'getting along' with everyone, not standing for Christ, because, well, we need to 'love our neighbor'. The rest of that scripture, which is truth imperative, reads, "Love your neighbor as yourself." If we love Christ yet do not share Christ's love with our neighbors we aren't loving, nor do we really believe God's word to be true. Loving our neighbors means telling the world about God's love for them in Christ...that's why He came. The ultimate Love Story for all mankind!

So, back to the Garden. I personally know that if I were in the back yard watering the trees, let's say, and a snake was in my Aspen tree, I'd freak out, and run in the house to call for help. That's one. Two, if the snake tried to strike up a conversation, if I didn't pass out first, I'd look at him square in the eye and say, "The Lord rebuke you, satan! Get away from me!" And, because of the authority Jesus' name carries in all existence, he'd be required to slither his slimy ass out of my yard...

But that's what I'm trying to say here. "Anti" means: opposed to or against. Notice in the Garden that the devil didn't say God wasn't real, true or God Almighty, Creator of the World. No, in fact, he referred to God as 'God' in his conversation with Eve...he knew who He was and called Him 'God' with a capital 'G' appropriately. What he did do, and with obvious success for the untrained woman, was distort God's earlier conversation with Eve so that it presented itself to her in a much more appealing, human way.

So, for us to be wise, we need to realize that 'anti-Christ' isn't necessarily someone who will come and be a militant, hateful person. Why would we follow someone like that? We are educated enough to discern that. Like, when Osama or Sadam rose up in their corners of the world, don't you think it was obvious they were bad guys! I mean, really, looking back, since many of us weren't alive at the time, isn't it obvious to see that Hitler was a whack job? But still, people have followed these men because they obviously told them something that sounded least at first. And, Jesus said there would be 'anti-Christ's' meaning, plural, meaning many people would oppose Him...They may even call God 'God'. What will happen, however, is people will loosely claim Christ's name (you know, in order to entice followers of Christ), saying they are 'community organizers' meaning all-embracing do-gooders, and it will sound right and good and humanitarian and earth-friendly so people will follow...because, who wants to be left out, right?

In the meantime, while that is happening, if we stand strong and follow Christ, we will be persecuted. It may not look like public hangings or crucifixions, but think about how if you are currently a Christian you are judged for believing that God's word is true and that Christ is the only way to salvation...Jesus did love everyone. He came for everyone. He died for everyone. He does not exclude anyone who will believe in His name. He was inclusive...whether people followed Him or not was their choice. He was very offensive and really miffed a lot of people...political and religious leaders of the day, especially. He wasn't fluffy. He hated sin. He hated being separated from God's presence and experience that on this earth on the cross so that He knew exactly how we feel apart from Him...but because He was intimate with God, He knew that the things we try to fill our lives with were dissatisfying, leading to death. That is why He came. That is why He died. That is why He conquered death and rose again and prays for you and me. That is why there is nothing in ourselves we can do to 'do' good or 'be' good enough for God. Grace is grace. Grace is free. Grace is only found in Jesus Christ. Religion is false. Christ alone is true. Loving Jesus is not PC. My Facebook political status reads: Incorrect

If talking to snakes in backyards around the world is a common thing nowadays, I am clearly out of the loop...and I'm not interested in getting in on that 'loop', thank you very much...but the question is: "Do we know when snakes are talking anymore?"

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

For all you Lymies

Well, not a lot to report...I finished my Lyme protocol on Sunday of this week. I haven't met with my doc this week yet because I've been too busy. I'll set it up for early next week and see how I test. I have had some interesting manifestations arise. Unfortunately, I'm not perfect, nor have I ever a result, one boy I kissed in high school gave me a 'gift' that lasts forever...cold sores...aka...herpes! EWWWWWW! I'm unclean! I'm hideous, look away...Well, I used to get a cold sore on my lip a few times a year. After I had Emily it went dormant basically. Well, maybe two or three weeks ago, my whole right side of my face and head started feeling like my nerves were irritated and tender. My eye ball hurt. My jaw joint, skin to the touch...all of it was so sensitive. It actually still is. And then, the last day I took my homeopathic remedy, out popped a small cold sore on my lip. I was so sad because it meant no smooching my sweet girl or hot husband! Whether this particular medication aggravated it or not, I don't know, but that's been one manifestation. Now...the zit between my eyes, the one on the tip of my nose, and the one on the side of my nose, I'd like to blame those on Lyme's, but it's probably just really late puberty...I'm quite a site!

Sleep wise, I'm having a lot of insomnia. Diet and exercise have been important. I've been limiting my sugar and flour intake, and started working out again on Monday for the first time since the Avon Walk.

Neuro-wise, I've had some weird twitches in my back and some arthritic pangs in my toe and wrists, but not regularly. Some short-term memory issues...

Still have swollen glands once in a while in my throat.

Overall I feel okay.

While we were in SD I met with Jason's brother who is a naturopath (ND) who spent an hour and a half with me trying to get an overall picture of my health. He's writing up a plan for me, but I don't have it yet...

I'll update once I meet with Dr. Julie next week...
(just wanted to write while I still remembered this...)

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Elation and grief

I know some of you are elated and others of you grieved or even fearful. I understand those sentiments though I do not share them for necessarily the same reasons. I am not grieved that Obama is president. I think it is wonderful how far our country has come that we will soon have an African American president. God, please forgive our country, our ancestors, us, for our ignorance of the past…we as a nation were not good stewards of the lives of countless slaves…Your children…Your creation…No, his being president doesn’t grieve me just as Clinton as a person, a human, one of God’s creation, did not grieve me way back when. I am grieved that he does not cherish human life in the same way I do…but as my dear friend said today, “Why is this even an issue? Why does a human’s opinion on when life begins even matter since life begins at the moment of conception…when God designed it to begin? This isn’t up for debate! Pregnancy tests are now early result based…let’s see, you have sex when you ovulate, approximately two weeks later, presto chango, there are stripes on the pregnancy test when positive.” We are all accountable for our own choices…accountable to God whether we believe in Him or not. That’s a lot to chew on.

I am sad for John McCain because I believe he would have served our country with honor, and let’s face it, 4 more years for him…not a likely candidate again, he’s be like a hundred or something. McCain and I share many of the same ideals, morally speaking, as well as politically and I know that if he were president I would have been able to ‘rest’ knowing that I needn't worry about certain issues or if my president was representing my best interests, as well as my fellow citizens, or not. I guess I’ll just wait 8 years and vote for Palin, the first female president…

Honestly, I am grieved over other things…I am grieved that some Christians are walking around with anxiety, gripped with fear that O is the Antichrist. I am also grieved that other Christians are walking around rejoicing in a man’s ability to save them from all their sorrows, all their pain, their financial woes, and who knows what else. If people were to actually read the Bible they would see that God has always been aware of who is in office and at times, appointed leaders to teach His children lessons.

I am grieved that for some, so much emotion is put into a political election that when their candidate wins or loses, some actually think it is the saving answer or the end of the world…So? What if it is? What if it is the end of the world? Why does that thought provoke paralyzing fear in some people, namely people who claim the name of Christ? Either God is on the throne or He’s not…He is who He says He is or He’s not…either He is truth or He isn’t…either He knows what He’s doing, or well, if He doesn’t, we are all screwed, frankly, so none of this really matters…I rest in the peace of knowing that God is good, He is on the throne, and that He loves us too much to allow us to become complacent...He is sifting, therefore, He disciplines those He loves.

Why do we fight discipline and refining when it comes from a loving Father? Hebrews says that God disciplines His sons. He is calling us His children, but obviously He’s not too happy with our spoiled behavior lately. Hebrews 12:11 says, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who are trained by it.” Here’s what it does not say: “I love you so much that I’ll never tell you ‘NO’, ground you, take away the keys to the car, spank your buns, or put you in time out (hello…40 years in the wilderness…serious time out!). I’ll always give you whatever you want because what you want is surely better than what I think I know is best for you…seeing as how I made you and all.” My guess is God might be thinking, “Oh no! My people have Me confused for Santa Claus again! I hate it when that happens…they are always so disappointed!”

As far as being ‘elated’, that particular sentiment is how I feel regarding the end of the world as we know it. I don’t think O is the Antichrist. Jesus said He was coming back soon. He said that 2000 years ago. I’m taking Him at His word and living like today could be ‘soon’. No, I’m not looking forward to trials and tribulation, I’m not a freak job or self-professed martyr! I am, however, so excited to meet the Savior of my soul. The very One that chose to love me and die for my sins long ago on a cross between two actually guilty guys…the One that promised never to leave me nor forsake me. Face to face, or hopefully I’ll get a chance to gaze upon His feet. Either way, He’s the reason for my elation. He is the reason I hope. He knows our hearts, if we daily seek His truth or try to cover up our lies with facades. He is interested in coming for His Bride.

I believe everything happens for a reason. From my own personal experience, I have said it before and will say it again, if Noah had been miraculously healed on this earth I would have been grateful, thankful, and even given God the glory…for a while anyway. Knowing myself, unfortunately too well, I would have flaked out and become comfortable again, complacent. I’m not saying there are days that go by where I don't slack and try to figure out my place in this world. What I am saying is that because I have had the gut wrenching privilege of laying my son physically before the Lord, hoping for a miracle, but trusting God’s greater will instead, I have also gained the inexplicable peace of having for myself a treasure laid up in heaven. It sucks that we had to lose Noah in order to gain eternal perspective and begin our passionate pursuit serving the Lord. I don’t wish that upon anyone, but at the same time, I am so humbled and grateful God chose Noah’s journey to coincide with our own. Because of it, I am not swayed. I do not fear man.

What’s really got me sad is that the people of the day believed ‘Messiah’ would come through royalty or political venues…how is this different than sentiments of today? Jesus said to the woman at the well, “Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in Spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth.” Our Savior is not a man in his 70’s with white hair and a beautiful wife nor is he a black man in his 40’s with two young girls and a wife that needs Oprah’s fashion stylist. He is seated on the throne, praying for all of us, earnestly seeking our hearts, waiting upon the Father to give the go ahead.

As a follower of Christ we are first citizens of heaven, not America…if it were not so, why are there Christ followers around the globe? Government cannot dictate how we worship God or follow Christ if we worship Him in spirit. Fear can dictate how we worship Him, however…and ignorance. Read Matthew 24 and 25 for what Jesus said about all this…He’s way smarter than me, OBVIOUSLY, so read what He has to say…and then ask Him how to worship Him in spirit and in truth. He is faithful.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

I've been thinking about the way Jesus taught His disciples how to pray, from Matthew chapter 6...

"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. This, then, is how you should pray:

'Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
Forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.'"

Here is the same passage in the Message version:

"And when you come before God, don't turn that into a theatrical production either. All these people making a regular show out of their prayers, hoping for stardom! Do you think God sits in a box seat?
Here's what I want you to do: Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace.
The world is full of so-called prayer warriors who are prayer-ignorant. They're full of formulas and programs and advice, peddling techniques for getting what you want from God. Don't fall for that nonsense. This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need. With a God like this loving you, you can pray very simply. Like this:

'Our Father in heaven,
Reveal who you are.
Set the world right;
Do what's best-
as above, so below.
Keep us alive with three square meals.
Keep us forgiven with you and forgiving others.
Keep us safe from ourselves and the Devil.
You're in charge!
You can do anything you want!
You're ablaze in beauty!
Yes. Yes. Yes.'"

There are so many things that I love about the way Jesus mapped out prayer for us. Yes, it is a prayer that we can say from our hearts, but it has also become rote for many. It wasn't meant to be was a teaching on how intimate our Father in heaven is and how we can come to Him with anything since Jesus said prior to leading into the prayer, "...your Father knows what you need before you ask him." He didn't say that so we don't pray..."Oh well, God knows every scenario, He knows what I need so I don't even need to talk to Him about it" or "He's got it all figured out, the whole wide world, so my prayers won't make a difference anyway"... That's not what Jesus meant either. Prayer is communication with God, pure and simple. How refreshing to know that God knows our hearts so intimately that we can come before Him and say, "Here I am Lord. I am: overwhelmed; afraid; confused; frustrated; angry; grateful; hopeless; hopeful; unsure of Your will; hungry for You but don't know what that looks like; etc. etc." Again, the concept I've said before that there is no such thing as a secret, so just be straight up with God.

Prior to that Jesus was talking about being 'wordy' in prayer. Research has said that on average women speak between 15,000 and 20,000 words a day. I know women on either side of that spectrum and I know I've been guilty of blowing that statistic out of the water. I know I've come to God with too many words at times. It's usually when I'm anxious, fearful, feeling overwhelmed, actually, when I think about it, it's when I'm feeling 'insecure' in who I am in God...not trying to impress God, but trying to make sure He gets what I'm trying to say...funny, huh?! "Lord, let me 'splain the details since You might be too busy with the Universe and all. I just want to make sure You get it...oh, and while I'm here, talking to You, let me offer some suggestions on how this could turn out for me and for everyone else involved, everyone wins, You get the glory...I've got some great ideas, You should hear them..."

I've been thinking about the way Jesus taught us to pray in light of the stories in the Bible and in light of current events, especially where the outlook was potentially grim or the journey quite tragic. Regarding "The Lord's Prayer", the beginning is a time of blessing God's name and establishing trust in Him for His will, His overall plan, His specific plans for each of us. The second part is a 'one day at a time' prayer: food, our attitudes, living selflessly. The third I find particularly interesting in light of Job's life: 'lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one'. Essentially, "Lord, help me keep my eyes on You in the midst of everything around me. I know the devil hates my guts and will do anything to deter my heart and passionate pursuit of You. Help me not be tempted to give into his lies...I know You are good...I just don't understand this mess."

In light of today's verdict, I just want to encourage us all that God is on the throne. He knows what He's doing. He has never intended us to live here on earth physically separated from Him. But since we do temporarily, He has made a way for us to be tenderly connected to Him. It's through prayer. Not rote prayer, but praying on all occasions and in all circumstances. Talking to Him as if He's sitting right there, on that chair, next to you, intently listening to your heart...a heart torn between heaven, your true home, and earth, the home where you currently dwell...