Em wanted to hold Noah tonight for a long time. I sat next to them and told them about the adventures of Em and Noah...FYI, they went to Australia and got into kangaroo pouches and had races! Anything is possible on Em and Noah's great adventures.
This is a tender moment of smooches being passed on and on and on. That's Auntie Tonja, one beautiful woman with the most generous and tender heart...our kids are blessed beyond words with the family that surrounds them.

Bridezilla

Last night's conversation...
Me: Em, what would you think if Noah went to see Jesus before we get to?
Em: I would be very sad.
Me: I know. Me too. I would miss him so much.
Em: He'll get to live in a castle.
Me: You're right! How did you know that?
Em: I just knew...I just knew.
Me: Did you know because Jesus is the King of Kings and Noah's His child, so he's a prince?
Em: Yes. I want to go, too!
Me: I do, too, Em, more than anything, but if Jesus wants you and daddy and me to keep doing some more work for Him here for a while, we'll have to wait. We'll get to go, too, one day...

The above conversation took place the day after I told Em about Mother Teresa. She was so intrigued. I told her about Mother Teresa's daily activities and how she loved the "unlovely", those disposed of by society (who the HECK is society?) Anyway, I told her that she died and went to go see Jesus. I told her that when she arrived God said, "Well done, my good and faithful servant!" She asked me how I knew what God said to MT. I told her that God's word says that if we obey Him and love people the way He does, those will be the words we hear...she said, "I want Him to say that to me, too!"

So, the other day I was praying in Noah's room at home. I laid everything that the Lord has ever told me about Noah at God's feet. I wanted it all out there so that if it was me, it would be at His feet, and if it was Him, it would still be at His feet. Anyway, I then sat and listened...(in case you talk the whole time you pray, might I make a suggestion that you just zip it and listen? It really is revolutionary...) and asked the Lord to give us direction, to speak to my heart and give me peace in the midst of this storm. Well, like every other time I have pursued His direction during the last 5 months on this journey, He talked once again about the Bride of Christ. He elaborates on it each time. This was pretty cool...but, He just reiterated that Jesus wants to return...Here's the picture He showed me:

(FYI: This will step on toes...)
Just like most grooms, not all, but most, and that's okay, Jesus pretty much just wants to get the wedding done with and have His bride. Seriously, He said He is waiting for His Father's timing, His direction of when He will return. The groom waits for the minister to tell him when to go to the front of the church...Meanwhile, the Bride, or the Church, has become consumed with the actual ceremony and reception, so much so that what in America takes anywhere from 6 months to a year to plan has taken over 2000 years thus far. She's gotten caught up on whether the ribbon in the bouquets matches the coating on the mints that matches the font on the napkins that matches the bridesmaids' shoes! In translation, the Church has gotten caught up on details on earth and delighting in life here, even good messages whatever the "soapbox", that we have lost focus, and I would even venture to say, the great anticipation of Christ's return. There are books left and right on how to be a better person. There are believers in Christ who think they must memorize a certain amount of Scriptures or have a minimum amount of years under their belt, or even a theology degree, before they can share the love of Christ. There are people who actually think they have to "get" perfect before He returns. The disciples didn't have any "qualifications" to first of all follow Christ, and secondly, they didn't have "longevity" in their walk with Him. They didn't need convincing that Jesus was someone to follow hard after. There has been ample focus on abundant life here on earth, and to an extent, that is okay, but NOT when we are looking AROUND and not UP! God wants us to have a good life on earth, but that is not exclusive! God is in love with EVERYONE yet not everyone knows that. Did you know that there are people that don't want to have anything to do with God because the American Christian church has given Him such a bad name?! Back to the wedding analogy, the bride has now become bridezilla and is freaking out because this detail and that isn't perfect, all the while, the groom, seriously, just wants to have his beautiful bride on his arm, to show everyone and puff his chest out just a little more...

I was "guilty" of the details of my 1993 puffy dress/big hair wedding in a mauve store front church. I've been guilty of the details of how to be a "good" christian. I am grateful for it, don't get me wrong, but if I saw Jason on the street today and we knew we were meant for eachother, we would have hopped on a plane to Mexico and gotten married the next day! You get the idea! At least I hope you do...Jesus wants to come for His Bride. He wants to reunite God's created with the Creator Himself. I tell you what...earth is as close to hell as I ever want to be...I am over this place, I am so VERY much OKAY with heading Home just as soon as He calls. Jesus said to preach the good news of the gospel, to heal the sick and raise the dead...There are wonderful things to "do" on earth, but if He comes calling, will I say, "Lord, I'm doing this nice thing, can you hang on a second?" Literally, what would Jesus Christ be doing today, who would He be hanging out with, how would He be loving people if He were walking in the land of the living? I want to do life like that! Please hold me accountable!

So, we did it...we marked our bodies to remind ourselves to pray for Noah. I had thought of waiting until Emily was 10 to get her ears pierced since that's how old I was, but I copied my friend who had her daughter's ears pierced to always remember her little sister Pearl who resides in heaven. Today was Noah's 5 month marker for being here and I wanted to commemorate it. Em, her Nana, her Auntie T and I went to the mall and all invested in some new earrings. Tonja bought some "diamonds" to match Em's, but the rest of us girls got pierced. Kaija was bold and went first, at the direction of Em. I'm sure her friends in Watertown are freaking out about now. She was very brave and looks quite beautiful with the new addition..Then Emily appointed me, but I hadn't decided where, whether it was going to be a conservative choice on my part, meaning a second hole in my right ear to match the left after 16 years (split the cost my freshman year with my friend Stephanie b/c we were poor...), or through the cartilage on my upper left ear...I chose the left. Everyone said how much the cartilage hurts, but since it's for Noah, I know it's nothing compared to the pokes and owwies he's had... Then it was Em's turn. She decided against it, though need I remind you she bravely sat through staples in her head? Also keep in mind she hasn't stopped talking about it since I shared the crazy idea with her a week ago. Then she decided for it. Anyway, the girl marked her ears with the marker and had another girl come help so they did it simultaneously. Great in theory...By the time we got in the car and then home and had a really good look, Em's left earring was way off in Egypt, NOWHERE NEAR THE MARKER POLKA DOT, while the right was front and center. Jason called the shop and they said remove it right away and come back after 24 hrs for another go around. Removal was a HUGE ordeal! Em was bawling because she thought it would hurt. She wanted me to do it, then she wanted dad, then she wanted to leave it crooked...at one point, Jason came up from the basement with pliers in hand for the removal, like a scene from a sci-fi thriller! Finally, wedged between the two of us on the very stairs where staples came into the picture, Jason got the earring out, with his hands and all was calm...I wanted this to be a positive experience for my peanut, I even had offered and applied and removed lidocaine courtesy of TCH Denver, but she didn't want it. Well, now my kid's going in for a second piercing. Emily is excited because every time she twists her earrings, she's going to pray for Noah. Though a botched job, it still accomplished what we intended...to think about Noah.

So, speaking of which, some small milestones have been made recently, like yesterday and today, by Noah... He has been stooling more and more on his own. This is a huge accomplishment. Then, he has regained his gag reflex which was gone for over a month and a half...WHY? Ask God! Give Him the Glory! He also continues facial grimaces which some of the nurses had never seen. And, my favorite...the tickles I told you about already...well, they continue and it's just about as cute as can be! Tomorrow we're starting Noah on a rice based food supplement that helps support digestion and decrease inflammation in the body. We had to wait a week to get this ball rolling because conventional Western medicine/dietitians don't use this product and are unfamiliar with it...gee, that's because for the most part, NOT ALL, they follow the FDA food guidelines and pyramid for direction on how to eat. If you look at the back of most vitamins or supplements at a health food store, it may not be "approved" by the FDA, but the entire natural medicine world has existed on these for years! Hello...if the food pyramid is so great, why is America in such a morbid state of health? Don't get me started...Thankfully this month's resident is a vegetarian from Berkley, so he's all over getting Noah on healthy supplements that aren't man made.

Okay, so this is extremely long...but I was praying through a lot of the prayer concerns from the fall and want to throw that out there again. I'd like to dedicate a lot of time of prayer in the next few days for whoever wants/needs it, so PLEASE email us so we can be in prayer for all of you as a family. Also, if you happen to read the comment of the person ahead of you, will you please pray for them as well?

Note to self for later post: peanuts and diamonds...

Em took this picture of Noah the end of July. I just found it on her digital. This was one week before Noah got checked into the hospital, 5 months ago tomorrow. Jason and I were talking last night about how crazy it is that it's been almost a half a year since we checked in...My life has become richer and much poorer during that time. It's become deeper and emptier. I feel like a living oxymoron.

Today I came over to the hospital, had the nurse help get Noah into my arms, put a sign on the door that said, "Do not disturb until 5pm" and snuggled my guy for 3 hours straight...no interruptions. No doctors telling me nothing, no drugs to administer, no RT treatments...just me, Noah and God, and we had words...The nurse graciously cleaned up my missed tissue three point shots that fell short all over the floor. She said that's what gloves are for...she told me life is like a marathon, none of us are wrong, we are all at different places, some out front, some in the middle, some walking here and there. I told her I'd rather hand out water to the people in the race, since I'm not a big runner...the problem with this marathon we are running is that there is no goal in our future, not for how we care for or treat Noah. I think this marathon stinks! I know the life marathon goal is to tell the world of the Lord's glorious return, of that, I have no qualms or confusion, but this...like I said, I'd rather pass out water and cheer on the runners by.

I'm not sure why we were chosen to have the most precious little boy we could have ever imagined, but I'm grateful we were and I wouldn't change him coming into our lives for the world. I'd change his state of health, obviously, but if I got pregnant tomorrow and we had Noah all over again, same scene...bring it on...we'll remain faithful and we most certainly won't shut up!