This is Rachel, Adrienne's friend and she has asked me to post a prayer request for her.
She is at Rose Hospital with friends Steph and Nick. This afternoon, after picking up his daughters from school, Nick drove himself to the ER because of sudden chest pain. After collapsing in the ER hallway, his heart almost stopped and Dr's acted quickly to drain water surrounding his heart. They found a bloodclot in his his mesentary vein. He went into surgery at about 7pm and is now in the ICU. Please pray for his wife for peace and for his two daughters, Kate and Annie, who saw their father collapse and are scared. Please pray for healing and this family. Thanks-

2 THINGS:

Em's blood work was BEAUTIFUL! Thank You, Lord!

For those catching up, there were words, there was drama, there was misinterpretation, then miscommunication, then reconciliation, and hopefully now lots of healing. In everyone's best interest, I hit 'delete'.

"You've never truly lived until you give something to someone for which you can never be repaid." -Unknown

Today we are going to Florida. We have been given a tremendous blessing and will be spending a few days in Celebration and some at St. Pete's beach. Our pastor and his wife are friends with some people down in Celebration that put their hearts and resources together to bless Jason, Em and myself with a change of scenery. Em knows about the beach, but has no idea that she gets to go see Minnie Mouse and Cinderella. We've known now for a couple of months, but we weren't about to tell her such exciting news too soon or the kid would not have taken a nap or gone to bed due to visions of princesses dancing in her head! One time she went to California with her dad on a business trip and stayed with her aunties, uncles and Nana. I told her THAT morning before she left the house! I was pregnant with Noah and it was a little late in the pregnancy to fly, so my best friend came out and we mini "extreme makeovered" Em's room while she was gone. So much excitement...

Anyway, believe me, I don't feel sorry for myself, but being at home with Noah's bedroom door shut for 3.5 months now wears on me at times. I know I have to organize it, especially since we put a contingent offer on a house pending the sale of our own, so now I have to clean it, but sitting here day in and day out does not inspire me to do so. I think leaving the house for a week will give me new perspective and drive to get things in order. I decided about a month ago that I'm not actually going to power organize through all of Noah's things just yet. I am going to pack them in boxes and go through them in time at our new house. I don't want to make rash decisions, and I especially don't want to be rushed making the memory box of treasures that I want to put together for Emily.

Regarding the beach...I know we said that we are going to take Noah's ashes around the world with us and spread them in different oceans, but we're not prepared to explain what we are doing with a 'box of dust' to Emily as of yet. We want her to be a part of that at some point if she desires, but since she's 4.75 (yes, she tells people she's four and three quarters now...), we just aren't ready to go there...

Yesterday I took Em in to Children's to have a CBC done because she's had dark circles under her eyes for about a month and a half and has a little pea sized lump in her lymph nodes on the back of her neck. The doctor wasn't worried about it, but ordered the blood work because, well, I asked him to, and two, he didn't feel it was out of the question to cover our bases. I'm not paranoid because of Noah, but I know too much now about the medical world. We've gone to visit the nurses several times since Noah died and it hasn't been difficult, but yesterday I had to fan my eyes several times to choke back tears. I was sad that my daughter was so comfortable there and knew the building like the back of her hand...

Anyway, some friends and I were at dinner the other night and on our way home were praying for one another and our families. One thing we were praying for was a 16 year old boy in Colorado Springs with Hodgkins Lymphoma who just had a large lump removed from his neck. After we were done I told the girls about Em's little lump and her tired state, and that I wanted to get it checked out but also didn't want to. We prayed again and they encouraged me to take her in the next day. I had already been doing research on mono and other stuff, but, you know, the last time I took my kid into Children's for an out-patient visit...

So, I'm on hold right now waiting for those results...

We are looking forward to family time in Florida and to meeting people we don't even know who have loved us and prayed for us over the past many months. We'll take lots of pictures and post some when we return. I can't wait to sit by the ocean and be in awe of God's creative hand. Have a wonderful week!

Today's earlier post was not intended to cause strife or anything of that nature. My heart was to expose judgment within the church and to try to encourage everyone to get along, knowing we will never all agree on the non-essentials in life. Love is the hardest of all of Christ's commands, especially when we don't feel like it and especially when we don't think we are worthy of receiving it. I love my family everyday. I don't always like what they say or do...they don't always like what I say or do, either. One thing Jason taught me early in our relationship is that it is okay to disagree on non-essentials. That is my heart in my previous post. This is the one time in blog history that I am glad that 'anonymous' was anonymous so that none of us lost our salvation (not really) by going and bashing that person in defense of another. I pray that whether we blog or share face to face, talk on the phone, write emails, speak publicly, whatever, that we do it with the gifts God has given and we do it for the glory of God, not our own...the only problem is we are flaky humans and we all make mistakes...

My biggest mistake today was getting so worked up about judgment that I spent a lot of time thinking about the 'anonymous' comment and could have been spending the day praying for families in Virginia and the surrounding areas as there has been a major loss of life, and many eyes saw things today that will remain in their hearts forever. Lord, please comfort the students, faculty, and staff of VA Tech and their families, friends, and loved ones...I pray that their hearts and minds would find healing in Your loving peace and that people would surround them with tangible hugs and encouragement from around the nation and world, just as you sent us for Noah. You are Jehovah Jireh, our Provider, and I ask that You would supply the needs of the students, faculty, staff and their families as only You can...Lord, show us how we can be a tangible help in their tragic time of need...

Real living

Three months ago today I died.
You see, when we had the big ethics meeting back in November or December, I sat in there with a bunch of people, some family, some friends, loving caretakers, and some random strangers, and in the midst of feeling like I was pleading for someone to step up to the plate and take a chance to try to save our son, whether it be experimental or what, I said out loud, "I am going to die if my son dies. I know I won't be able to live..."

Well, I can honestly say that on January 12th, I died along with Noah. I died to the life of 35 years that I had previously lived. I died to myself, and though I was born again for eternity 20 years prior because of Christ, I died to my own selfish pursuits in life.

I'm so happy I died. I feel like I can finally live!