Thanksgiving Recipe

Today I thought I'd share a yummy and healthy Thanksgiving recipe, full of antioxidants, but mostly full of incredible flavor and it's SUPER EASY to do!  A friend introduced me to the recipe probably 15 years ago and every time I make it, it's a hit.  Over the years I've tweaked the recipe (it had brown sugar and butter, previously) to suit our tastes and desire to enjoy healthy "comfort food", but this Paleo treat is sure to woo the people around your table.  Here you go:

Honey Roasted Sweet Potatoes with Basil

Preheat oven to 350, use 9 x 13 baking dish

2 ribs celery, chopped
1/2 large yellow or white onion, diced
2 - 3 large sweet potatoes, peeled and cubed
1 - 2 medium sized apples (Granny Smith or Pink Lady are my go-to's), cut and cubed
1 tsp dried basil
1/4 cup raw honey
4 T + 2 T melted coconut oil, divided (or butter if you prefer)

*See final picture for TWO ways to cook this dish.

Saute onions and celery in 2 T coconut oil over medium heat until onions are tender, add 1 tsp dried basil 

Peel and cut sweet potatoes, and apples, into approximately 1" cubes

Put sweet potatoes and apples into a large bowl

Melt 1/4 cup of honey and 4 T coconut oil in pan or microwave until the coconut oil is liquid (this does NOT take long...do not over heat!)

Pour celery, onion, basil mix into bowl, toss with honey and coconut oil

Pour into 9 x 13 oven safe baking dish and bake on 350 degrees for 45 minutes.
OR
Spread out onto a large roasting pan in a single layer and bake at 375 for approximately 30 minutes or until tender.

IF there are any of these puppies left in the morning, they are actually fantastic cold for breakfast ;)

Guest Post: Thankfulness

Thankfulness entails honesty.  Why pretend when God knows the deepest parts of our hearts?  The moment I realized there was no such thing as a secret between me and God, my awe of Him increased, along with my love for Him.  I breathed in at that moment the truth that God loves me, as is, and there is no room for pretending with Him.

I hope you will be encouraged by this guest post which was written a few weeks ago by the most amazing woman I've ever known, my mom.

Thankful……last Monday when you posted about being thankful on Mondays, I announced that I was joining you in giving thanks.  Well…..I did…..in the morning.  Then something happened that brought out the upset, offended, bitchy woman in me.  It took me until Wednesday morning to get over myself.

I have been fighting a second battle with breast cancer all within 2 years of the first time I was diagnosed.  I am not afraid to die…..whether I am in the body or out of the body I am always alive in Jesus Christ.  Breast cancer, or any cancer for that matter, requires so much time spent in doctor’s visits, chemo, radiation, surgery, recovery…….it really interferes with your life.  I had been encouraging myself, that at the end of 3 months of chemo, a surgery and 6 ½ weeks of radiation, my husband and I could go on a nice long road trip.  I love road trips and I love spending all that alone time with my husband on an adventurous journey.  I am married to the love of my life, a blessing not given to everyone…… and I am very thankful for that.

My husband was diagnosed with Parkinson’s a little over a year ago.  He has been so supportive of me during the cancer battle and I have been supportive of him as we’ve been figuring out how to walk out this Parkinson’s thing.  I am thankful we are “there” for each other.  On Monday, when we went to a doctor’s appointment for him, it became very apparent we would not be going on this long-awaited trip, one, I guess, I had been viewing as a type of “reward” for going through all the cancer treatments for the second time.  I didn’t feel very thankful about that……and here it was Monday, when I was supposed to be feeling so thankful.  I failed at the attempt to be thankful until this morning.

I’m going to rehearse before God the things I am thankful for.  I am thankful He made it possible for me to have relationship restored with the Father.  I am thankful for my husband and my children and my grandchildren.  I am thankful my husband and I both had good parents who took us to church and took good care of us and loved us.   I am thankful for being able to spend more time with most of my grandchildren than most grandparents can.  I am thankful my daughters have husbands who are good and who love them.  I am thankful Jesus has sent the Holy Spirit to lead me and guide me and show me what is yet to come.  I am thankful for God’s provision that has come in so many ways.  I could go on and on. 

The truth is……and I know God knows what is going on in my mind and emotions…….there are some things I am not thankful for.  I am not thankful I am going through cancer treatment, but I am trusting God in the midst of it.  I am not thankful for a lot of things God has allowed in my life, but I am thankful for the God Who is my Shield and Fortress, my Hiding Place, Who delivers me from the snares life sends and Who will never leave me or forsake me.  I am thankful for Him!

My husband and I are 68 years old now.  My human heart can hardly bear to think that we might not be able to take more road trips.  But, I have seen God come through for us, time after time, in ways I never imagined, so I know I can trust Him.  And…..I’m thankful for that.

Friendship: Close Up

I'm thankful to be married to my best friend in the whole wide world.

At the same time, Jason doesn't fill the girlfriend spot in my heart that some pretty amazing women do, and this post is about them.

When we arrived in Denver almost 12 years ago, sure I was excited to live in a beautiful part of the country, but I was 31, really pregnant, and only had one friend 45 minutes away, who was a new mom.  Jason was busy at his new job 45 minutes the opposite direction, and I was in a daze, without a car, wandering amidst the dust and debris of the old house we had just purchased and gutted over the previous weekend.

I washed lettuce in the bathroom, in the mauve bathtub, because the kitchen was in the dumpster in the back alley.

Our fresh vegetables kept freezing in the refrigerator because it was out on the back porch.  As a result, we ate a lot of take-out, frozen burritos, gelato, and Clif Bars.  And, if that wasn't bad enough, I would sit in my house, covered in sheet rock dust, and watch Soap Operas.

I'm not even kidding.  Did you know Bo and Hope are STILL on Days?  True story!  (At least they were back in 2002...)

It was a low time in my life, let's be honest.  My friend who loves chocolate and sewing felt so sad for me from a distance, a beautiful package arrived on my doorstep one day with a toaster oven in it and instructions to head to the store so I could at least buy slice and bake chocolate chip cookies.  Oh, how I longed to sit with her on my couch to actually eat them, but fat and pregnant and hormonal, I sat on my couch and ate them all myself.

...again, a low time in my past.

ANYWAY, my mom was praying for God to send me some friends.  I wasn't hopeful.  In my head, since I was 30ish, everyone had already found their favorites.  Back in Minnesota, Jason and I had just left a group of friends we did life with every weekend for 5 years...how on earth were we going to find that kind of connection again?

Well, I've learned not to mess with my mom's prayers.  After a mishap in a mom's play group where I was invited to a Swinger's party, a friend in another state told me she had a friend somewhere in Denver and surely we'd hit it off.  I thought, "You clearly don't know how big Denver is...she could live anywhere."

2005 ice skating birthday party

Noah's 1st Celebration, the delivery crew and some guy with an afro

Locks of Love donation, 2008

Celebrating Ryan's arrival, Becky on the left who lived 3 blocks away, and Rachel

Grateful for friendships where we can pick up where we left off, no pressure, just dive in deep and keep pressing on...

And you know what?  She did live somewhere.  She lived 3 blocks away, had a daughter 2 weeks younger than Emily born at the same hospital, her own husband named Jason and, not that I pick them this way, but happened to be *tall with dark brown hair, too.

Today, less than 12 years later, I'm grateful for the prayers for real heart to heart friends my mom placed at God's feet for me, her pitiful, pregnant, chocolate chip cookie eating, soap opera watching, daughter.

The friendships which have grown out of this connection and my willingness to be vulnerable with others has allowed me the opportunity to meet some extraordinary women.  It has also meant stories shared in coffee shops, prayers prayed, truth told, tears strewn, basketball played, trips to Mexico, laughter and love, a room full of women at Noah's delivery, meals and shoulders during his hospital life, weekends away, mini-retreats, hard conversations, Easter feasts, closet purges and style consults, Scriptures studied, Friends Thanksgiving, prayers for marriages and misunderstandings, Bevy makeovers, beautiful locks shared in love, miles walked, wine and chocolate, creativity shared, more tears, more laughter, and my heart overflowing with gratitude that at the end of any given day, I am humbled to know God's love in a deeper, more profound way through the gift of friendship.

It's a beautiful thing to have friends willing to live life to the fullest...blood, sweat, and tears!

 (*not a friendship prerequisite...)

P.S. This particular post is about friendships, up close and personal, in the day to day, close in proximity.  I'll also be posting about the treasure of long-distance friendship.

Top Ten Thanks

Every night, unless he is out of town, Jason and I are a tight team in the bedtime, tucking in the kids, routine.  At this stage, Ryan wants me most times and I won't lie when I say, I'm eating up every single, "I want Mommy!" moment I can get because I know at some point, it's possible he won't choose me.  Em's cool with whomever will read to her.  I never was in drama, but being a lover of books and stories, especially good dialogue, and maybe a little dramatic in nature, I try to read aloud with a bit of expression...soooo, all that to say, this could be why Em chooses me to read to her most nights, and former engineer PhD, dad, to do the tucking in and praying part.  We are a good team like that.

On the nights I do the tucking in and praying with Em, we lay our heads on the same pillow, because that's just how we've always done it...and she still lets me.  She'll play with my hair (which I really can't stand, but I'm soaking in time with my pre-teen, so I'll take what I can get...) and ask me to tickle her arm or back or the palm of her hand.  She tries to do the same to my arm or hand and that is where I draw the line.  It makes me nauseous.  Am I weird?  It's almost like frosty freezers or nails on a chalkboard...back rub or foot massage?  Now we're talking.

Here we are December of 2006, one of the nights I was home with Em while Dad was at the hospital with Noah...we're sharing the same pillow, AND, Curious George is STILL part of the bedtime routine.  

Anyway, before we pray, I usually ask one of several questions, including:

• What were your Top Ten favorites of the day?
• What are 10 things for which you are grateful?
• Let's share our Top Five of the day.
• Name 5 people you'd like to pray for tonight.
• If you could tell God "10 Thanks" for today, what would they be?
• Who is someone at school we could be praying for this week?
• Is there anything specific you'd like to talk to God about tonight?

The list could go on and on, but my desire is to be INTENTIONAL to stop, reflect on the day, and give thanks to our loving God for anything and everything, in general, and specifically.

With Ry, at least with the second bullet point above, he'll say something to the tune of:

1. "Tank You for horses."
2. "Tank You for giraffes."
3. "Tank You for Daddy."
4. "Tank You for trains."
5. "Tank You for cars."
6. "Tank You for my cousins."
7. "Tank You for Yay-goes." (Legos)
8. "Tank You for mountains."
9. "Tank You for CARS."
10. "Tank You for my cousins."

He means it about the cousins....

Often Emily says in her Top Ten, "Right now..."  It never gets old to hear her repeat this sentiment.  It's actually my favorite in a totally selfish mommy sort of way.  I breathe in the "right now" and say, "Me, too!" and tell her, and God, how thankful I am to be her mom.  

Because, HOLY COW, I'm her mom!

Sometimes she tells me her Top Ten, and in my best Nacho Libre accent, I say, "You gotta be kidding me!  Everything you just said is my favorite thing to do, every day!" and we laugh.  Nacho may not be on your Top Ten list, but it's a family favorite because before Noah ever went to the hospital for the rest of his life, somewhere in his first 7 weeks at home, free of machines and wires, I took him to see it with my eldest nephew.  We speak Nacho around here to lighten things up once in a while.  Sometimes I read our story in Nacho, just to change things up a bit.

Anyway, back to this post on Thankfulness.  I'm thankful Ryan says, "Tank" for "Thank."  I'm thankful for an amazing husband who is engaged in the bedtime routine.  I'm thankful my daughter loves books as much as her nerdy word nerd mom.  I'm thankful for writers who have taken the time through the ages to scribe stories which we are able to read each night.  And, I'm thankful for comedians like Jack Black who make my stomach hurt from laughing.  

Mostly, though, I'm thankful for the "Right Now."  When we recognize the "Right Now" as a gift from God, something as simple as a bedtime routine becomes sacred and beautiful, memorable and life-changing.

Tank You, Lord, for Right Now.  Just tanks...

*Heidi is sharing over on her blog about thanks this morning, too.
*Heidi Jo is sharing here.
*Elizabeth is sharing on her blog.

Where are you writing down your thanks?

Eucharisteo

This past weekend I went to a women's retreat where I knew a handful of people and only a handful of people knew me.  I enjoyed the time with these women, met a few new ones, but did not feel responsible or guilty for not finding out the stories of the other 100 women in attendance.

It may sound strange to you, like I didn't care about those other women or something.  And, truly, in the past, this would have been weird for me.  Previously I would have learned the names of every woman at the retreat and taken time to learn at least 1/2 of their stories if time allowed.

However, this retreat was different.  I went into it with intention, intention to trust God had something good for me, for my heart, that He would be faithful to meet me where I was, even though I didn't even know it myself.  It was through a church we kinda sorta, only once in a while attend. Once I went to an official women's ministry event (with dim lights and I was able to slip in and out, unnoticed).  At the retreat, I didn't know which women helped with the ministry team or planned our weekend away, but I'm sure grateful they did.  I simply went because a friend of mine was flying in to share, and I threw it out there to a couple friends who went along, too, though they knew no one, either, and weren't sure what to expect.

Me and my sis, playin'

We played on the playground during free time and now I want one of these in my back yard...

I. Am. In. Love. With. Aspens.

Mmmmm, smell the pines!

Room and car, mates :) Refreshing, to the heart, inspiring women, these girls...

Celeste Barnard shared her story and heart with us.  This girl was on fire!  I hope she inspires you one day, too!  I was so happy for her as she was able to share her first book with us, which you can find here.  

It was refilling to attend a women's ministry event I had no part in planning.  I love gathering women together, as it's my passion and the way I've been wired.  But I didn't realize how much my dried out heart needed a bit of refreshing, and it came...now I can't wait to plan a weekend for other girls...

So, in keeping with the theme of thankfulness each week, I'd like to share gratefulness from my weekend away:

• A retreat center nestled Rocky Mountainside, the setting still sprinkled with vibrant yellow aspens amongst the thriving green pines
• A gluten free chocolate cupcake upon arrival
• A friend willing to share her story with authenticity in order to pave the way for healing in other women's lives
• A husband who sees, and benefits from, the value in Mama getting some time away to refresh
• An intimate, good, and gracious God who knew the parts of my heart which longed for refilling, but didn't even know how to cry out to Him for what I didn't know I needed
• A basketball, friends, and a sunny court to pretend we were back in High School
• A chain hung porch swing overlooking miles of mountains topped in white snow
• Hours of car time to learn more deeply the stories of the beautiful women on this same adventure
• Having God speak directly to me, those thoughts and ideas smarter than I could ever think of
• Hugs and kisses upon my arrival home

Not only is there value in women gathering outside of the day to day routine, but there is value in the quiet refreshing which comes when we are intentional about saying, "No" to the routine, for a short duration, and saying, "Yes!" to whatever God may have in an outside quiet space.  This doesn't mean we should steal away for retreats every weekend, nor are we able to escape on vacations when the going gets tough or our hearts are dry.  I believe we can be intentional with God at home where nothing particularly profound is happening.  In fact, I believe it's there He encounters us if we stop and look around, giving thanks for the day to day and the little things.  But in this space in time, I'm grateful I jumped on the opportunity to retreat.

Two friends are linking up this week:  Heidi Jo and Heidi Jo.

Why I Hate "CARS"

I don't really.  If I did, I don't think anything I ever said again from this point on would be credible, so I jest.  But, it's okay for me, as a mom, to be mad at Lightning McQueen, Guido, Luigi, and all the Ferrari's in the whole world.

Do NOT let his looks deceive you...this 3 year old boy has been up to NO GOOD!  NO JOKE, I've only grown gray hairs since he's been in my life.  

Last summer Ryan would say something about punching in the face.  Jason and I would just look at each other and then say, "Oh, no, Ryan, we don't punch anyone in the face.  Where did you hear about punching in the face?"

He didn't have an answer, and then, one day, I was nuggled up to him on the couch while he watched "Cars" and I heard it.  It was one of those little tire helper guys, either Luigi or Guido, I can never remember who is who, and the real Ferrari's had just driven into the store for new tires, and one of the little Italians exclaimed, "A REAL Ferrari!  Guido (or Luigi) punch me in the face!"

Frigging Pixar!  I know you make movies for my entertainment as I watch along with my child, but my toddler doesn't understand that it's just an expression!

Fast forward to tonight as I was off to Walmart, all by myself, for a solo mom-retreat...just a chance to BREATHE and get out of the house, aka, operation: get tampons. My life should make you jealous, clearly.  So, yeah, why not Target?  Tar-jay?  It's so much more hip mom...Well, because the $87.88 I spent at Walmart for tampons would have easily been $158.97 at Target, and even though the last few days of parenting a 3 year old boy merited a Target splurge with no regret, I'm still trying to stay on a budget, thank you, Dave Ramsey!

As I headed to get the said item, I took a turn through the razor aisle.  Two guys, early 30's, hard-working, were talking, discussing, the one holding several different products in his hands and as I pass by with determination to avoid all eye contact with other people while on my solo retreat I hear, "Hey, have you ever had hemorrhoids?  Is that okay if I ask you that question, ma'am?"  

Me:  Um, yes.  I've had 3 babies, so of course I've had hemorrhoids.
Guy 1:  Sorry, it's kinda personal, so thanks for letting me ask.
Me:  You can ask me anything.  Literally.  I had a little boy who passed away so nothing phases me, and one thing I've learned is life is short and if your girl is suffering from hemorrhoids, you sure better take care of her.
Both guys in unison:  Oh, I'm really sorry for your loss, ma'am.  Nobody should ever go through that...
Me:  Thank you.  You guys are sweet.  He is safe and healed with Jesus, but let's talk about your girl, she is the one who needs attention right now.
Guy 2:  I have a real deep respect and relationship with my Lawd, Jesus Christ.
Me:  Awesome...
Guy 1:  She's in a lot of pain and just told me to go to the store to get her some stuff, said it's burnin'.  Should I get her the "Cooling Gel?"
Me:  (holding his 3 items, side by side...)  You need to get her the "Maximum Strength" relief, plus, get her these pads to put the cream onto and get her an ice pack.  (*thinking, "Am I on a hidden camera?  Is this for real?  Are two guys asking me how to heal his woman's hemorrhoid...in Walmart?)  Believe me, "Maximum Strength" is the way to go.
Guy 1:  (*What he said at this point, I cannot repeat...)
Me:  Oh.  Well then, she may have an infection.  You need to take care of her and get her to a doctor.  She may need antibiotics.  (*Dear Lord...just...Dear Lord...)
Guy 1:  For reals?  Okay, I have health insurance.
Me:  Good, yes, give her this, but watch her, make sure she doesn't have a fever, and get her to a doctor to make sure she doesn't have an infection.  You need to take good care of her, treat her right.  God loves her and made her.  He loves you, too, and He wants you to take good care of her.
Guy 1:  Yeah, at least for this week, I'll do her right...
Me:  NO!  God made her and designed her and loves her and you, and He has a plan for your lives, so treat her right, EVERYDAY, ALL THE TIME!"  (With more emphasis!)
Guys:  Thank you, ma'am.  (Outstretched hands.)  I'm (so and so) and I'm (so and so).  Here's my card if you ever need some trees cut down...
Me:  Thanks.  Nice to meet you.  I'm Adrienne, like Rocky Balboa's wife.  What's your girl's name?
Guy 1:  (Such and such...)
Me:  I'll be praying for her, for God to heal her body.  Please, take care of her...
Guys:  Yes, ma'am.  Thanks for not being embarrassed to talk about hemorrhoids.

I turned the corner and had to post it on Facebook, because, clearly my solo retreat was over, right?  I headed to the tampon aisle, then bought mascara and chocolate and a few other things since you can't just put tampons on the conveyor belt without anything else...duh.  (I guess there IS self-check out...)

SOOOO, I was at Walmart ALONE because Ryan, my 3 year old, is giving me a run for my money, like doing naughty things because he is bored or just seeking attention or who knows why?!  In the day to day, we are an awesome team, so this recent outbreak has thrown me for a loop.  For the most part, I am an extremely patient person.  I don't start fights knowingly, try to apply both Jesus AND Dale Carnegie strategies to day to day life whenever I can, and am quick to forgive and forget and find peace.  But, yesterday as I was carrying Ryan upstairs for his nap, Ryan slapped me first, then punched me in the face 5 times, to which I calmly knelt down, turned him over my knee so he was face down, arms no longer able to get to my face, stood up, repositioned him with his arms and body tucked securely in my armpit, hugged him, put him into his bed for nap time, calmly told him I loved him, forgave him, that hitting his mommy or ANYONE on the face was completely disrespectful, never okay, and he was never to do it again, but that I loved him and forgave him, once again, and I'd see him later.

I was so sad, no story/snuggle time which is my favorite part of the day...

Then I went into my closet to put on my workout clothes and as I bent over to unzip my boots, I bawled HARD, sobs deep within, because my son punched me in the face.  My son.  With force.  On purpose.  And he has words...and he uses words...but this time chose to punch me in the face, with 5 forceful blows, only stopping because I am currently bigger than him.  And it hurt my heart...and my face.

I knelt down and prayed.  Breathed deep.  Thanked God for my boy.  Prayed some more and changed my clothes.

Before I headed downstairs I opened his door to find him standing at the end of his crib, crying with deep sadness, lips down turned.  I said, "Ryan, I love you and I forgive you for hitting me.  I was sad because you punched me in the face, so how you are sitting in your room crying, Mommy was just in her room, crying, too.  When you hit me, it really hurt my feelings."  He sobbed deeply and said, "Mommy, I love you so much!  I'm so sorry I punched you!  I won't ever punch you again!  I'm so sorry, Mommy!  I love you, and I forgive you, too!"

I'm not sure what he was forgiving me for, "What?  For putting you down for a nap you clearly need, buddy?!"  But I'll take it.  I need forgiveness for all the screwing up I've already done to him and his sister...

I scooped him up and said, "Thank you, Ryan.  I forgive you and love you so much!  You are my very sweet boy!  My Giraffe!  Would you like to snuggle and read a book?"  He hugged me hard and said he did.

As I closed the last page he put his hands together flat, prayer style, and laid them on my chest, then rested his head on them, curling into me, like we fit together, mother and son.

Today he didn't punch me or hit me or anything of the sort.  Instead he purposefully peed and pooped in his bed, in his clothes, during "nap time" while he didn't sleep, along with pulling a canvas off the wall and chucking every stuffed animal out of his bed.  If he has to go potty while he's in bed, he always just yells, "Mommy, I have to go potty!"  No big deal.  I head up and assist.  But he's been potty trained for 8 months.  Honestly, I think he's bored with just the two of us, staring at one another day in and day out, even though at the end of any day, no matter what, he chooses me to tuck him in.  And I'll take it as long as I can get it.

I'll take the snuggles and the poop and pee, but not the punches.  That's not what "turning the other cheek" means.

I'll love my boy fiercely, knees bent, eyes lifted, hands open to receive Divine strength and discernment...because this mama gets to go on retreats sometimes, and it's those little things like even cruising the quiet aisles of Walmart at night, that re-fill my heart, or at least get my head on straight...

...except when other people are in the same aisle...and want my expertise on hemorrhoids.  Seriously?!  "Guido, just punch me in the face!"

*IF you are ever in need of hemorrhoid expertise and a woman has tampons in her cart, let her pass on by, then ask the guy near the end of the aisle, by the razors, the one who looks constipated, what HE MAY USE, and let that woman continue on her solo-retreat...

Thanks, Merci, Gracias

Since the beginning of June, I've been "Reading the Bible in 90 Days."  I'm currently in the book of Ezekiel, so, clearly I've missed the 90 day mark, ahem.

This is supposed to be a post about thankfulness, a practice we do in our home on a regular basis, like "Top 10 of the Day" or "Tell me your 5 favorite things" or "What are some things for which you are thankful?", but one I desire to practice even more regularly, not just at night before bed, but all through the day.

The thing is, it's been a personal struggle to have an overall mental state of thankfulness when daily the majority of my reading has literally been a vivid history, or prophecy, of doom, gloom, death, despair, rape, rebellion, murder, starvation, anger, wrath, whores, and hatred.  It's not difficult to see where ANY OTHER BOOK ON EARTH MIGHT BE MORE WONDERFUL TO READ RIGHT NOW.

There have been several times where I've thought, just screw it.  I've read the Bible in its entirety, skipping around, so why am I doing this, this cover to cover thing, right now, in this stage of my life?  Which is a fair question, it's not like I HAVE to read it, ever, really.  It's not like I'm being forced, except I decided to do it, I gave the task and a beautiful group of women my word, and so I'm going to finish it, hopefully sooner than later, but I'm going to finish it.  Because I'm good at starting things, but not great at finishing...

I think when things are smooth and clean and colorful and bright, even though I am thankful for such a state, I'm not positive I realize the depth of what it means to walk in gratefulness because it's all good.  For me and my heart on this journey, being in the opposite state of anything for which I'd ever give thanks has allowed me to cherish the little and big things in the day to day.

Like, knowing there are red letter words where Jesus meets me face to face.

But now, I'm in the doom and gloom.  And I'm not thankful for it.


Instead I'm thankful for:

• "Carry On, Warrior" by Glennon Melton and "1000 Gifts" by Ann Voskamp (Treadmill/stationary bike reading)
• Our treadmill, and healthy legs to use it daily
• Yoga and the quiet before the Lord in the dark of our basement
• Little legs that run away from me, carrying a 3 year old tooshie, with laughter and flailing
• Snuggling in my bed or hers, book open, imaginations circling, sharing stories with my 11 year old girl
• Pretending to have tapas in Spain with my husband on date night over a glass of Spanish Red and olives, if even for an hour and a half
• A two-foot long branch of brussel sprouts on the counter
• Finally finding a dog groomer so Lady doesn't look like she has mange
• The peachy hue of the clouds at sunrise
• Whatever environmental factors which had to occur in order for our town to experience the most vibrant and colorful Fall in my memory
• Friendships which run deep, no matter the distance

Thanks

One of the perspective changes I had while Noah was in the hospital, and then since he passed away, is one of thankfulness.

Growing up as a Catholic kid, it was regular practice to give thanks to God for each meal, pray every night for family, friends, neighbors and strangers, and say the words of the "Lord's Prayer", offering thanks and seeking His hand and guidance for each day.  

Somewhere deep down within my heart I've always known giving thanks, showing appreciation, and having a heart and mindset of gratitude, leads not only to a better life in general, but is innately how we were designed, the act of it one of worship allowing us to see God's heart more purely.  

A lack of thanks is precisely why I believe many in the first-world are over-stressed, excessively busy, and self-medicating, no matter the drug of choice.  It's also why I believe God and faith in Him are afterthought, if thought of at all.

And I know, because when I turned 15 and left the Catholic church for "churches" that I thought were The Way, I also left the practice of reciting the Lord's Prayer regularly, being told and believing, it was a religious practice to simply recite prayers out of habit.  For a time my prayers were ramped up with more expression, a bit more volume, being told my expression and explosion matched the amount of my faith.  It's funny how looking back, and having been there at the time, that is living in my own head and heart, it never really felt right to boss God around, commanding Him this and that in Geeeeee-zus' name.  But over time, that became rote, as well.  But in those circles, it's not rote, but rather celebrated as super-faith.

Today, I'm more than thankful I was raised in the Catholic church during my formative years because the experience laid a firm foundation for my faith and how to recognize "trends" in "christianity."

For years, instead, I just had conversations with The Lord, talking to Him throughout the day, upon waking, every night.  Always giving thanks at meals, lacing thankfulness into the day, but still, if I stopped to pray about someone or something in particular, I was still asking for something, something I wanted, an outcome which would benefit me and mine, or you and yours.

And He does want us to, there's nothing wrong with asking.  It's not that we aren't supposed to ask.

The problem is, some seasons in my life have been solely based on asking rather than always based on thankfulness, no matter what.

Since having Noah and losing him, I've still had seasons where my attitude isn't gratitude on a daily basis.  Discontent, longing for purpose, wishing I knew what I was here for, wanting less stuff, wishing I could encourage others officially through "ministry", believing it to be a job description at times rather than a way of life, wanting less, wanting more, wanting different.  

Five years ago I introduced Emily to The Lord's Prayer, dissecting it, showing her how it begins with perspective, God first, then us and our needs.  She memorized it on the way to school in the car over time and is now helping me teach it to Ryan.  The whole chapter of Matthew 6 is one of my favorites, permanently marked with a ribbon, because it's practical insight from the Creator of the Universe for our day to day existence...yet, at least in my 27 years in Evangelical Christianity, I've never once been told to pray that prayer daily, because it may become rote or religious. 

In addition to saying and typing it,  I also love the motion of pen on paper in writing it...

So on this morning, I've decided to do what's not the trend, to pray the way I knew as a child to be uncomplicated and focused on The One who knew the answers, whether I ever did or not.  Today.  Not only am I going to start out with The Lord's Prayer, not a quote un-quote Catholic prayer (and thank God they have kept it alive!!!), but one Jesus taught anyone who would listen in order to have a life of perspective.  I'm going to pray it with both gratefulness AND religiosity, religion, simply being a word to describe a conscientious activity with great meaning.  

I'm thankful Jesus was forthcoming in these instructions of how to pray, not answering with another story or parable.  It's plain and clear.

Give thanks.

*If you'd like to join with others practicing the art of thankfulness, we'll be writing about Thankfulness on our blogs every Monday morning for an undetermined time frame and would love to read yours, as well.  We aren't setting up a "linky" thingy, but rather are simply exercising the art of writing, and writing specifically about being grateful.  

Here's a post from my friend, Elizabeth Jackson.
And here's one from my friend, Heidi Jo. 

History in Pictures

Happy 20th Anniversary, Sweetheart!  20 years.  I wrote a "Husband List" before we even met and started dating.  It was 6 pages long.  No pressure, right?!  I think it was the "thing" to do in Christendom way back when, now hidden in a journal somewhere in the basement.   On it were things about integrity, wisdom, a sense of humor, someone who was a good financial steward.  Truth be told, I don't recall all the things I thought a husband should be, or at least things I wanted in one, but I remember the first item and it read like this:

1. My husband has to love God more than he loves me.  If this isn't in order, nothing else will be.

In my immaturity as a 21 year old girl marrying the love of her life, somewhere in my heart I'm sure I thought you would be all those things when we walked down the aisle.

Time and maturity and many moments on our knees before God have shown me how very short the list could have been in the first place.  The rest has been icing on the cake.  After I self-righteously scribed "The Husband" list years ago, the person leading us in the exercise said, "Okay, now, before you can expect those tings from another person, you have to be willing to let God instruct YOU in them, as well."

It's safe to say, this has been a journey of learning, the best and hardest lessons of my life, but I can't imagine not learning to love and live without you by my side. 

For a man of few words, you sure married a wordy girl.  I could just write, "I love you," but there's just so much more to it with 20+ years of inside jokes, memories shared, world travels, losing loved ones, having kids, remodeling 2 houses, job losses and gains.  All I know is, you could write a post entitled, "What Every Husband, and Guy Whoever Wants to be One, Needs to Know to Have a Happy and Healthy Marriage."  Sweetheart, you are an expert in this field, and I think it boils down to you doing these three things very, very, very well:

You love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, and mind...and you love your neighbor as you love yourself.

And by neighbor, that would be me. *wink, wink

Marriages are crumbling and dying all around us.  This isn't to say we haven't walked through gray areas, dry zones, and faced what seemed insurmountable obstacles.  We have.

But I love God more than I love you, too, and so it's worked.  We work.

I told you "I love you" first.

A note your mom gave to me before our wedding.  This is a letter every mom should write to their future child-in-law.

June 26th, 1993

Our first self-portrait as Mr. and Mrs. Jason Graves, ready to set out on the first of many adventures.

10 nights in paradise

Your leg was shaking as you braced yourself over the waterfalls.  Thanks for splurging on our student income...Maui was a fantastic memory!

Remember the storm that morning?  So much has changed since the time this picture was taken.  I was so blessed to know your dad, Sweetheart!  And my heart is full to call your mom a dear friend and to walk and do life with my parents in the day to day.  We are so rich!

Your first Weber at Foxfire, Tulsa, OK

I love that besides Mexico, every country I've ever traveled to, it's been with you!  Here's a sweet little Siberian fan of yours.

I believe this anniversary consisted of strange tasting pizza in St. Petersburg, followed up with 60 teenagers asking us how our date went...

I know we moved to MN for your PhD, but I just want to thank you for putting up with me and my love of student ministry and mentoring girls.  Those 5 years I worked at NWC were a highlight of my 20's, even as rough as some of them were.  I can't believe I got paid to hang out with hundreds of young women year after year!  Thank YOU for being secure in who you are and never being jealous of the time I spent with the girls!   I loved that job and every girl I met there.  My life is richer for knowing each one, and though you were quiet and working on your thesis most of that time, I felt your constant support, so thank you! You seriously are the best!

Here you are on a bro-mance getaway to Alaska...because that is something we both shared openly up front:  friendship and time with our guys or girlfriends is important.  I appreciate so much your healthy, balanced approach to knowing you can't fill my every need, nor can I fill yours.  I'm so grateful you have had man getaways and I just want to say, "Thank you!" for the times you've encouraged me to be with my Bevies!

More bro-mance happening over turkey carcasses...

On top of the world...or at least the Andes.  I always wanted to travel the world...I didn't figure we'd always have teenagers with us, but hey, leading trips meant they were paid for, hey hey!!!

Thanks for allowing me this one semi-crush.  Bono is too short for me, and married and all, but I never wanted to marry him...you have always been the only man I ever wanted to marry.  Thanks for all the concerts over the years.

Our first house in White Bear Lake.  We sure did make that thing cute!  I remember being in the basement, barely pregnant with Emily, watching airplanes fly into the Twin Towers.  Better memories, however, were living only a few blocks away from Ryan and Shannon, walking over to that burger place or Einstein's, and playing pranks on our friends.

Ahh, Gramma Pat's house.  Thank you for your patience with me as the daughter of a builder who saw no reasons why we couldn't just knock down that wall and that wall and that wall, all while pregnant with our firstborn!  Were we crazy?  All I know, I was large and in charge!  You did a beautiful job on that place, Sweetheart!  Thanks for making 803 Poplar our home!

I always knew you'd be a great dad!  You were pretty in awe of Emily making her sweet entrance into the world!  Thanks for holding my hand, helping me breathe, and pushing my hair out of my face.  It still blows my mind that God would say, the very moment she was born, "I love her more!" 

Our Peanut, Firstborn, Daddy's Girl. circa 2004

And since you or I had never been a parent before, all I can say is, I'm glad we've gotten to "wing it" together!  We haven't done it all right, but I think she's turning out alright...and that because you place God first.

I think this was our first official nugget of time away from Em.  Thanks for playing in the Big Apple with me!  We've been in some pretty fun places together!  Can't wait for some more!

Pretty sure this is our 12th anniversary when we first discovered Vesta Dipping Grill.

Perks of you working for a company out of England...Thanks for letting us tag along for a couple of weeks.  Thanks for being sweet and enduring my love of Lady Di and having lunch at that one place plastered with her pictures, too.

Oh man, this was a fun trip!  Remember the little Japanese ladies who came to our hotel room and walked on our backs?  How was that naked business meeting of yours?  Awkward?  #japanesebathhouse #nikkojapan #tallestpeopleinjapanthatweek

Our firstborn son.  Oh man, I was so happy to give you a boy, and selfishly to soak him up myself.  Thanks for being a champ and going along with inviting all my Bevies into the delivery room!  Thanks, too, for choosing Noah's name.  It was beautiful...he was beautiful!

Mt. Evans hike with your man cub, June or July 2006.

August 2nd, 2006.  God was my Solid Rock, you were my hand to hold and shoulder to lean on.  Your faithfulness was unmatched.

We celebrated his 1st birthday surrounded by friends and rainbows in the sky.  He was the only one not in attendance.

Years later, on this anniversary, I think we had found our smile again...

On this one, I know we did, because the following picture is a result...wakka, wakka

Brave, protective big sister...scared mama, trying to treasure the life of the one growing in me.  Thanks for taking a risk with me, Sweetheart!  Trying this whole "having a kid again" thing was a rollercoaster, but one I'm glad I got on.  Thanks for holding my hair back as I puked my way through the fear.  You're kind of awesome!

I know you were tired, physically and emotionally.  By this picture, you and I had already celebrated 17 anniversaries!  Honored to welcome into our lives this son named after your friend. 

#deepcontentmentandthankfulness #utterexhaustion #ilovemyguys

20 years, Sweetheart.  20 years.  You are the most generous man I've ever known.  You are wise, in fact, those scriptures in Proverbs about wise guys with few words, well, I know God wrote some of those specifically about you. 

This is from our 19th wedding anniversary last year having Spanish tapas in downtown Denver.  This year we'll be having tapas in Spain.  I can't wait for more adventures, though I do not take for granted all we've already shared.

Jason Aaron Graves, you are my very best friend and I'd say "I do" all over again if you asked me.  But this time I would skip the poofy dress...

I sure love you, Sweetheart!
xoxox