Re-entry

Spain was mucho awesome.  (I will share more later...)

I learned many things there and am inspired upon returning home to make some changes, finish some projects, write about some stuff, throw stuff away, and at the same time, I'm overwhelmed at the thought of any of it.

There's this major crash which happens after a stellar time away from reality.  It's the collision of re-entry and I've hit it hard this time.

I'm not complaining that I had time away, nor am I disappointed about being home, back in my life.

Part of the crash comes when you realize your two weeks of other people preparing you meals has come to a halt.  #sangriaatnoon

Maybe it's more disenchantment...and not that I don't siesta on a regular basis or drink sangria for lunch, truly, but more so because ever since Noah died, I've been disenchanted with the "American Dream" and get overwhelmed easily when I feel the margins shrinking in on me.

And I'm the only one who can change the margin width of this life document.

So, I'm not sure what this margin expansion will look like, but I know it will involve a lot of purging because my head and heart always feel better with less clutter.  The creative juices were also recharged in Spain, so designing and writing will be major contributors to creating more margin, too.

It was fitting this morning when the pastor shared his thoughts on God as Creator.  As a creative person I am often stifled by feeling boxed in, pigeon-holed, feeling stuck and then either staying in the stuck moment growing stagnant, or lifting my eyes to the One, the Ultimate Creative, and trusting Him to lead me as I live this life with intention, purposefully being creative for His glory, ugly mistakes and all.

Anyway, here are some random thoughts I wrote down today.  I hope they encourage and inspire you, as well:

• Regarding 40 years in the wilderness, sometimes in order to move into a new season in our lives, something has to die (a dream, behavior, former way of thinking or living...) 
• For 40 years in the wilderness the manna was new and fresh every morning, trusting God as the Supplier and Source of each day.  This time gathering and eating the daily bread was what gave strength for the day's journey.
• Before moving into a new season, take time to celebrate and remember God's faithfulness and steady love in the former season.  Stop.  Celebrate.  Give thanks.  He doesn't change but the seasons do.  
• Restlessness can create change in our hearts.  Be attune to your restlessness and lay it before God for what's next...
• "Sometimes we have to say goodbye to a good season in our lives in order to move into a great season," said the guy who was substitute speaking today.  (Cliche, yet often true...)

God is my Creative Director.  Though His love hasn't changed in all of time, He is Creative and brings a new day with new beginnings, life outside the box kind of living, stuff we've never seen, each and every day, if we seek Him.  

If you've measured God by the standards of men all your life, there is no wonder why you continue to be disappointed in Him.

Don't box Him in and just see what He will do.  

*Do you have a story to share of how you boxed God in and He showed up to show you just how Big He really is?  How do you create margin in your life?  Are you on the edge of a new season in your life?  If so, looking back, how can you show thankfulness, even in difficult times, in order to move forward with a new perspective?

Loveolution

We need to start a "Loveolution."  Actually, we need to carry out what was already started years ago...like, thousands of years ago, where EL. OH. VEE.  EE. was the headline news, not the other crap on TV, but news worthy in that it was spoken and acted out, person to person, in real life, God to man. The kind of news where people ran from town to town to tell how their lives were radically changed, for eternity...

Love + Revolution = Loveolution

Love is, according to the "Free Dictionary":

• A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

Revolution is, according to the "Free Dictionary":

• 1a.  Orbital motion about a point, especially as distinguished from axial rotation: ie, planetary revolution about the sun.
• 1b.  A turning or rotational motion about an axis.
• 1c.  A single complete cycle of such orbital or axial motion.
• 2.  The overthrow of one government and its replacement with another.
• 3.  A sudden or momentous change in a situation.

So, picture this:  all of us, every. single. one. of. us. orbiting, or rotating our lives, NOT around our own intentions, motives, or seemingly selfless behaviors, but around LOVE.  Loving God first, loving ourselves the way we've been created, and loving everyone else with whom we come in contact.

INTENTIONAL LOVE.

It's not easy.  Some don't, or won't, love God.  They have too many walls to even believe He is good, or that He exists at all.

Others, like I've done in the past, don't, or won't, love ourselves, grateful for all our quirks and imperfections that add to the beauty and variety of life.

And loving others...even the crusty weird neighbor or crotchety relative who is negative, negative, negative?  Even that one?  Ummm, that's not easy.

Yeah, but who said it's supposed to be easy?  We want it to be, but loving is tough stuff, because we all have rough edges and we've all been hurt.

Our "underlying oneness" from the definition above is that God made us all...

We need a Loveolution.  

Before any more laws are passed and any more hate is spread, we need to literally STOP.  I don't give a rip about what kind of government is or isn't in place, if we don't have love, it doesn't mean jack squat.

Imagine if all the hate in the world was overthrown with a Loveolution?

With this previous election, there were days where I could taste bile in my mouth because of how nauseous I was from all the hatred being spewed...and from people who use my Lord's name...in vain.

Don't pervert my God!

People think using God's name in vain is what people yell at the opposing teams at a sports match, or at the guy who cut you off in traffic.

Using God's name in vain is claiming to be His yet not walking in LOVE.

Stop.  Don't do it.  How sickening that the name of Jesus Christ is being perverted by people spreading hatred!  It's opposite of Who He was, Who He is, and Who He is supposed to be in us.

I'm a Christian woman.  This means I am a forgiven human who has an intimate relationship with the Creator of the Universe because of His selfless action of unconditional love, God becoming a man in order to know what earth-life really is like, outside of His physical presence.  This doesn't mean I am perfect or ever claim to be.  It just means I'm not using His name in vain, for my own selfish ambition, but out of thankfulness for being saved from my sorry self.

Religion is death.  Don't equate a relationship with God with the word "religion."

A relationship with Almighty God is awesome and intimate and holy and beautiful, and messy on our part, but moldable and completely attainable here on earth, not because of our actions or behaviors, but because God loves us, each of us, and extends that love and grace to us every day.

I mean, what would happen if there was a sudden and momentous change in the earth towards Love?  You know, praying in school, to God, doesn't hurt anyone.  It doesn't hurt anyone in any religion that does claim God.  And it won't hurt the people in school who don't believe in Him because it won't affect them, right?!  I mean, they don't think He's there, so, let's just bring it back.

I heard today that the Mayans never foresaw December 21st as a physical end of the world as we know it, but rather a spiritual end of the world.  Wow.  That's much more profound than all the previous town criers who have even written books or purchased air time for their untimely foreshadowing.

The world I live in today is in pain.  It's dark.  Sometimes it's difficult to see the Light, but He is there, shining, moving in hearts, one at a time.  I won't live in fear because I have hope and I know there's more to this life than what I see.

However, in the meantime, I live here.  I breathe the same air as Jesus once did and as horrible dictators do in war-torn countries.  We all spin on the same physical axis and orbit around the same sun, but we aren't all revolving around the same Love agenda.

We need to, though.  We need a Loveolution.  And we need one NOW.  No more wasting time.  The time is NOW to start loving God, loving ourselves, and loving our fellow man.

We need a Loveolution.

Love, SPREAD IT!

God's agenda has always been LOVE.  The Devil, on the other hand, has never been anything other than an asshole.

Hate evil.  Cling to what is good.  Do not live in fear but know that Perfect LOVE casts out all fear.

A LOVE REVOLUTION.  It's time we got started...

Changing it up a bit

So, whether it's self-inflicted or just happens this way, somehow, for whatever reason, God knows why, I seem to operate best when there's either a deadline quickly approaching or when several things are happening at once. Okay, I take that back...I don't necessarily operate "best" but it's when I get the most done. It's really quite annoying, to be honest. Especially because the anticipation of multi-tasking and time frames produce in me a bit of stress and anxiety.

However, for whatever reason, somehow, God knows why, this time it's different...

And by "this time" I am referring to the fact that Jason and I have deemed it a grand idea to not only have a baby in August, start homeschooling Em in the fall, BUT, to get Em her very own puppy, to boot!

What? No, we are indeed NOT on drugs, if you can believe it!

Somehow this all just seems to make perfect sense to us. I think it's because it's been so long since Em's been a baby that we have a bit of "New Parent Amnesia", aka, total ignorance.

Even though we had Noah 4 years ago, honestly, if I'm not going to candy-coat it, I'm not remembering back to his 7 weeks at home or his 7 months on earth as anything closely related to "normal". The 7 weeks at home we all probably spent sleeping, eating, and changing poopy diapers. The 5.5 months at the hospital were not realistic whatsoever because we had family in and out and a full time staff of over 40 amazing helpers. Nope. Not realistic.

No, it's weird...with this pregnancy my memories keep going back to Em, for the most part. I'm hoping it's a sign of longevity. It's my prayer for this guy...

One thing that is jacked up in the heart of a mama that has lost a child and then is prego again is the topic of "movement". If I were anything closely related to "normal", the thoughts that would run thru my mind when "baby boy" was quiet or inactive would be, "Oh, he must be sleeping..." Instead, because I'm a tad jaded, and, as previously stated, "jacked up", my thoughts look more like this, "Oh, he's dead...well, thank You, Lord, for the time I've gotten to carry him...it was my honor..."

Yeah, jacked up, I know...but then I've talked to other mama's who have lost babes and they have had the same thoughts...so...at least I'm not jacked up all by myself...

But, back to multi-tasking...so yeah, this year has been nothing but change. We've had family and friends living with us for over a year now. Everyone is moving out by the end of summer. We aren't "breaking up" or anything, it's just time. And Jason's loving his new job at Compassion and loves the people he works with. Em is counting down the days until school is out and is beside herself with excitement that we are going to homeschool next year. I honestly never thought I would homeschool unless I was part of a co-op, but God has totally changed my heart. I can't wait to just spend some time with my two kiddos...and of course, Em is also counting down the days til Daddy comes home from England so we can go pick up her new puppy...more on that in another post. (With pictures, of course.)

Speaking of pictures, I haven't taken any real belly pictures. I need to. I also had to ask my doc the other week which week I was currently in...I even called my little sister to ask her and then just added half a week. I know I am due August 31st. I'm just taking it one day at a time. I'm just not that into math...

And, then, of course, I am excited to "nest" baby boy's room. I am not that excited to open the boxes from Noah's room that we packed up way back when, because I really don't even know what is in them anymore, but it's part of the process. I want to use Noah's bedding since I made it and it got little use, and of course, because it's cute. I'll use Noah's furniture, as well, but am painting it something other than "Butter". And I know there are little man clothes in those boxes, too, so we won't need any new clothes for a while.

All this to say, I have a peace in my heart I cannot explain. Change is good and necessary for growth. And all we are expected to do when change occurs is to put one foot in front of the other and trust that God's got the Big Picture. Fighting it prolongs it. Walking in it just may show itself as beautiful...

...I think I'll walk in it.