Lessons from Spain: Beauty is Freedom

...and Freedom is Beautiful.

When I recommend articles on Facebook or Twitter or here on my blog, due to the nature of life and the Internet, I don't always know the author personally, may not know their tone of voice in writing or if I'd even invite them to dinner...but a nugget here or truth there stands out to me, I take the good, throw out the bad, and move on with it...it's the middle-child peacemaker in me, likely.  I've never agreed with someone totally and completely on everything.  Have you?

But, all that to say, writer's write, myself included, to start conversations, therefore I'm glad for the opportunity to discuss, regardless of whether we agree or not.

So, last week, when a mom I'd never heard of wrote an article and a friend on FB posted it, I read it, took away a few nuggets like: what a great idea to share social media time as a family and we all should discern what we share/post, whether we're teenage girls or grown men or SAHM's or singles or marrieds, for self-respect sake.

Did she specifically say this?  No.  She had a different agenda which I did not take away.  She directed her post to teenage girls, and I'm not one, nor do I have one yet, and so I read it, got the overall gist of what I wanted to take away, re posted it, and then went back to folding laundry and randomly spray painting things around the house...like these...

Anyway...

A friend was concerned about the post I re posted, so we dialogued a bit, I headed back to the post, re-read it, headed to the comments section of the blog, saw it had gone sour and that she was being eaten alive, some of it valid, other points out in left field, and wished I had posted what I had learned in Spain about all this two weeks ago when I got back.

You see, Europeans wear whatever they want.  300 lb women wear bikinis.  Hairy men wear Speedos.  65 year old women only wear bikini bottoms.  Little kids don't match and at the beach, clothing is totally optional when you are pint-sized.  On the streets, in the cafes, strolling through plazas and parks, European women wear clothes they think are pretty, regardless of size or coverage.

Seriously, there's only one sized bikini in Europe, and every sized woman wears it....

And guess what?  They all were beautiful!  I speak Spanish fluently and never once overheard a discussion on whether another person's beach attire was modest or immodest, whether they were causing another to stumble, if the exclusive, judgmental opinions of American Evangelicals mattered to them as they enjoyed a day at the beach with their family and friends on the other side of the world with their tops off.

Instead, I witnessed freedom and beauty and laughter and living.

People were not humping in the streets just because some epidermis was visual.  On the beach, every third woman had her bikini top off, and looking around, as men, women, and children were soaking in the sun, playing volleyball, reading books, swimming and chatting, some smooching under their umbrellas, I didn't see one erection.

Can you even believe it?

Gasp.

That's right.  I looked around for erections...because being a SAHWMFTB (Stay At Home White Mom From The Burbs) and a Christian one at that, I just was curious, because from all the talk in Evangelical culture, every man on that beach should have had a hard-on, but they didn't.

Nope.  Europeans just seem a heck of a lot more comfortable in their bodies...and with everyone else's bodies, too.  Men and women.  Kids, too.

All shapes.  All sizes.  All beautiful.  So very beautiful!

My British girlfriend told me that when Jason and I went to Spain I needed to go to a nude beach.  She said I needed to experience the freedom in all my glory, the "outfit" God made me originally.  It's funny how in America, "nude beaches" are destinations.  In Europe, they are just beaches...where you get tan...and have a picnic...and take a nap.

We never did find the "nude" beach, but all the same, Europeans don't delineate which grain of sand is which and where they can take off their tops or bottoms.  They just sunbathe.  In their skin...in the bodies God placed their hearts and souls and minds in to carry them through the life He breathed into them when He made them and thought they'd be an awesome addition to life on Earth, here and now, a display of His creativity, to commune and have relationships with all the other skin-covered people.

Tonight another friend posted this on my FB page.  I loved it!  Loved the message, the response, thought it was well thought out and well written.  Would I have coffee with her?  Totally, because she gets me...I mean, Ryan rubs his boogers on our couch, DAILY, so her sticky furniture would feel like home to me. In particular, I loved this paragraph:

"We see you, sweetheart. We do. We see what you’re writing. We see what you’re posting. 

We see more of you than you think we do. We see sometimes down to the very center of your soul. 

And what you need to know is this: You are beautiful. You are valuable. You are worthy. 

You are your physical body, and you are so very much more. And you, baby girl, 

have infinite chances for grace and redemption and relationship and community 

and wholeness and LOVE. 

Always. Always and forever. Amen." - Beth Woolsey at http://putdowntheurinalcake.com/

Anyway, IMO, Americans are being unnaturally influenced and inundated by hyper-sensitive "Christians" who are speaking on "every one's" behalf without my permission on the topic of beauty and sex and modesty and so much more.  This is maddening and I have some opinions on this...

But for now, until we understand, honor, and cherish the part that we are all totally freaking awesomeness embodied in all shapes and sizes, we've missed it.  Here's an awesome article on that...

Modesty isn't a uniform and "modesty" itself doesn't make you beautiful.  But that's what much of the "discussion" is asserting.

I've spent some time on the foreign mission field.  I've spent years mentoring women.  Recently I've spent a bit of time with very broken and bruised women over drinks in bars.  In those times when heart to heart conversations were taking place, I can honestly say I don't remember what they were wearing or if it was modest or not, just that I was there to listen and they felt safe to pour their heart into mine.

Nope.  Freedom in knowing we are loved by God is what makes us all beautiful.  And how can "blocking" people from our lives be an avenue to demonstrate God's love?

Yeah, I thought I was just going to Spain to celebrate 20 years of marriage with the love of my life.  In addition to that expectation, I learned more in 2 weeks than I have in 41 years about loving myself.  I learned a lot about beauty and sexuality and freedom and comfort with my own body and even how to love you better.

...I learned that beauty is freedom and freedom is beautiful.

 I should go to Spain more often...seriously.

The beach in Barcelona where I found freedom.

*I'd love to continue the conversation if the focus of modesty lies not with what we wear or don't wear, but rather valuing every single person with whom we come in contact.  Once we begin to cherish and honor tangible people as awesome hand-crafted pieces of art shaped by the hand of God, then I think we'll be onto something...however, if one-piece bathing suits and a 3-inch wide tank top on our daughters shoulders is your idea of a "teaching" on modesty, count me out.

Fear Has No Future

Jason and I celebrated 20 years of marriage in June, but since January, we've been dreaming and planning out the details for a trip to Spain, just the two of us.  We have spent hours and hours looking through books, reading reviews, mapping out our adventures, talking about it on date nights, road trips, in bed at night.

The destination and trip itself will be awesome, no doubt, but dreaming and anticipating have been part of the fun, as well.

Picture from AskFranciso

Except for the part where we realized it was about time to write out a Will and Trust...that part took the spark out of the trip, at least for me, for a good week.  My sinuses were clogged and swollen from crying, imagining not being the ones to raise our children, these gifts God loves more, but has graciously entrusted to us to love, nurture, and fan to flame the awesomeness God placed within each of them...

...and I almost cancelled.

"Sweetheart, we can just get a hotel downtown for the weekend..."  Forget the part that I've dreamed of going to Spain ever since I was in college when Profesora Calderon first sparked my romance with the language and country.  Forget about how we were going to do this trip for our 15th but then Jason lost his job and we knew it probably wasn't financially wise to travel on "credit."

I have come to terms, as I have for years, but clearly needed a reminder, that God knows the number of our days.  It doesn't do me or anyone else any good to live in fear of the "what if's?"

There is no freedom in fear, nor is there a future.  I knew a 90-something year old who harbored many fears...sure, in years, she lived a long life, but she was crippled by her fears, not experiencing what freedom in God's love has to offer in a full life.

I have spent many hours praying and pleading, asking God to be gracious to our family and reunite us again to continue to live out the purpose He has for us on this earth...and I trust Him and have peace this will be the case...

So, do I hope to relax, sleep a little longer, go on 24-hour dates for two weeks straight with my husband, in a beautiful country, surrounded by people God created, all rich with stories, experience the smells, sights, make new memories, and see pretty much the whole countryside of Spain?  Yeah.  I do. And I'll miss my kids like crazy, wondering what they are doing at such and such a time.

But this is good for my marriage, a celebration of friendship and love and thankfulness, and it will be good.

If this were my last post, on this blog, ever, not just my last post prior to leaving for our trip to Spain, I'd want to leave the world with this:

God is totally, completely, 100% in love with you.  Don't try to understand it, just accept it.  Please stop looking around at all that is wrong in the world, in yourself, and everyone else.  Instead, find the good and as you do, allow your eyes to be turned upward to look at The One who made you, to see it as an expression of His love to a broken world.  He knows you intimately, has good in store, like deep down heart-good, and He sees a bigger picture which your head and heart are now allowed to contain at this time.  He loves you.  Love begets love...not war, back-biting, gossip, slander, politics, isolationism, competition, or elitism, nor pride or self-seeking. Love begets love, and God. Is. Love. He is love and is in love with you, totally, completely, 100%.

That's all...

(*We may blog from Spain, but the #loneviajera won't be alone...watch for it, and for a super fun blog by this girl, one of our date nights in Barcelona...)

Reading Through the Bible in 90 Days

Time is my love language.

For whatever reason, time is a really big deal to me.  How I use it or the people it is filled with, it's a big deal because there is only so much of it and deep in my heart I desire to be a good steward of this gift called time.

As a result, tangible gifts from me will be haphazard, at best.  When I am out and about, if I see something which reminds me of you, two things may occur.  If I have money in the budget, I'll buy it for you because it may bring a smile to your face.  However, if it's something I can make, I'd rather spend the time using my hands to create it for you, one because it's therapeutic to use my hands, and two, I'm a bit old fashioned.  Homemade gifts are timeless and remind me of a more simple way of living.  The second thing which may occur is not a purchase at all, but some time spent thinking about you, because a particular thing or place reminded me of you.  I'll talk to the Creator of the Universe who knows you better than I do, and I'll ask Him to bless your heart, fill you with His Spirit, spend a bit of time, honored to know you, humbled to communicate with our loving God who made you on purpose, because He loves you and has a plan for your life.

Time.

In my life, time can equal love and goodness, or it may equal angst and contempt, depending on the people who fill it, the circumstances surrounding time spent, and how my heart is rooted in God's love to filter it either way.

So, as you know, along with a group of women all over the country who joined me randomly via Facebook, I am reading the Bible cover to cover in 90 days.  I don't say this because I think I'm all that and a bag of chips.  I'm just saying it.  It's what I've chosen to do with a good chunk of time most every day for the next 90 days or as long as it takes.

And let me just say, all at once, this time has been a real pain in the ass and completely beautiful.

In 26 years of Bible reading, I've never read it cover to cover, beginning to end.  I've read the New Testament dozens of times, studied it, marked it up, some books more than others, some chapters over and over and over.  As far as the Old Testament goes, I've spent time in every book, studying some stories or books more than others, but admittedly, skipping over names and lineages of names I can't pronounce.  I've also knowingly skimmed and brushed over the wars and fighting, the doom and gloom, the bloodshed and some of the prophecies of time here or in the future, all of which is in God's hands and line of sight, not really wanting to get swept away with all the, "What if's?"

Really, cherry picking, if you will, choosing to spend time reading the words which challenge me and fill my heart.

But in reading cover to cover, in a concentrated amount of time, there is no such luxury.  As far as it being a pain in the ass, I read the Laws and literally cry out to God, "Really?!  Are You serious?!  I'd rather spend time reading something sweet and lovely, Lord!!!"  And then the bloodshed and massacres, wars and looting, rape, incest, murder and deceit...I am grateful to know there is more to the Story.  More to come.  Time not yet fulfilled.  I am torn because we are appalled at modern day atrocities, yet they aren't modern but a continuation of a world lost without God leading the way in the day to day, in countries and communities, tribes and families, individual hearts.

"True Love" Tattoo brooch by Zoe Larkins, Etsy shop owner.

However,  there is where the beauty lies.  As I sit with these heart-wrenching stories, dredge through lineages and unnecessary gore, anticipating what I know is a True Love Story, realizing the ground work of what I am reading is a picture of WHY Jesus came in the first place, I'm reminded of His words and instructions which I have known not only for 26 years, but since I was a little child, at night, before bedtime...one day at a time, Your Kingdom come, Your will be done...

And somehow this time spent filling my head and heart with pictures of historical mayhem and the future not yet revealed has also filled my spirit with interface time with the God of the Universe who loves all of us and sees a bigger picture which has good in store.

Even in wrestling with the difficult questions, I'm wrestling with the Divine.  The very thought of which is beautiful.

Time well spent.

X Does Not Equal Y

"I used to want to fix people, but now I just want to be with them." 

 - Bob Goff, author of "Love Does"
(mandatory must read for the summer...)

Recently I had a conversation with someone who was creating doctrines out of "one-liners," essentially judging the behaviors of others with consequences they saw fitting from the Bible based on one single sentence in Scripture.

X = Y.

This is dangerous business, the doling out of judgments, biases, and "God's" reprimands.  This is what denominations and religions and cults and cliques and exclusive clubs within Christianity have been built on for ages and in more recent years, I personally see it gaining momentum.  A momentum which is building even in light of all the free love and acceptance that's preached on any given Sunday.

This business alone is God's.  Just God's.  God revives hearts.  God's mission is all of us.  God is the miraculous.

How very helpful we must feel to point out the imperfections of others...you know, because God can't see them on His own and all.  And what we have to show others in being right and proving their wrongness will sure teach them and inspire them to want to be more like us...urrr, God, I mean.

Sin is real.  And sin is painful.  And we all sin.  And the truth is, we don't sin exclusively, meaning, it doesn't only affect us, it affects our relationship with God and our loving relationship and connectedness to other humans.  Sin is a big deal.  But not so big that God can't forgive it...and never so big that we can't go to Him and receive renewal in His grace, every day, fresh each morning.

It seems it's only the humans who want to keep pointing out one another's suckiness...

I can think of two specific examples where God gave "X = Y" a swift kick in the pants.  There are tons more, but these two I've been chewing on more recently.

• One is when the super spiritual people of the day approach Jesus and ask him about this blind guy, stating, "Who sinned, the man or his parents, causing him to be born blind?"  The Message answer reads, "Jesus said, 'You’re asking the wrong question. You’re looking for someone to blame. There is no such cause-effect here. Look instead for what God can do. We need to be energetically at work for the One who sent me here, working while the sun shines."
• Another is when the spiritual ones brought to Jesus a woman who had an affair.  They pointed out the laws written stating she should be stoned because of her behavior.  Rocks would hurt.  They would definitely kill her.  I wonder how many of the spiritual ones said stuff like, "Well, she deserves it, I mean, she's the one who had the affair..." And then Jesus said, "The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone."  And then it says, "Hearing that, they walked away, one after another, beginning with the oldest. The woman was left alone."

Then let's just chuck it all.  I mean, pointing fingers and segregating throughout the course of church history has clearly made the world a better place.  Either chuck it all, God, baby, and the bath water, or, better yet, because this has definitely been more effective:  let's surround ourselves with people who believe the exact. same. things. we do and then let's point out all the ways in which everyone else doesn't measure up to what it is we believe.  Yep.  That, for sure, will convey God's supernatural, unconditional love, grace, forgiveness, and Sacrifice to a hurting world.

How is it, then, that we should live?  "'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’  These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.” - The Message, Matthew 22:36-40

So then what?  Just love God with all your guts, and love everybody else and yourself as #2?  Is it that simple?  

And yet it's almost excruciating at times, because usually what we hate the most in others and are able to see blatantly in the behavior of others is what we most readily recognize within ourselves.
  
Radical love isn't pointing out one another's shit.  It's walking through it together.

The Next 90 Days

I'm not a consistent blog reader, or writer, obviously.  It goes in waves, sometimes because I have time, sometimes as the crow flies, other times if I'm inspired to write, or read, if there's a good link from a trusted friend.  Yada, yada.

So, this friend who is a missionary is home on furlough.  We were going to grab coffee last week, so I went to her blog to catch up on some news and see what was "new" in her world, besides what I already knew through some emails.

On her blog she had put it out there if anyone wanted to join her in reading through the Bible in 90 days.  Her start date was something like June 18th ish.

I emailed her prior to our coffee date and said I'd love to join her in reading through the Bible in 90 days.  Those year long reading programs just seemed so, oh I don't know, long and drawn out.  This seemed like a great challenge and since I've just finished up some great study time in the prophetic books (Daniel ROCKS), I thought it would be great to go back through the Bible from cover to cover, this time, though, in The Message Remix version.

She said, "HA!  That's funny!  I'm not a very consistent blogger.  That post was from one year ago!"

Then she let me know she'd love to join me, but she's about to dive into learning the Czech language all summer, so couldn't do both.  Whatever, just because she's got 4 kids, is living in someone else's home and learning Czech, moving to another foreign country in 2 months, I mean, what's the big deal?!  *please know I'm joking...

But I was already kind of excited, so I determined to start on June 1st and then threw it "out there" to Facebook world.

And 15 girls from around the country are doing it, too!  I was BLOWN AWAY!  I'm a total team player, so was so excited to set out on this journey with others, though I was going to do it on my own either way.

I've read and studied the New International Version of the Bible for 26 years now.  And it's good and rich and I love all God has taught me through reading it. 

But I'm also NOT that girl who thinks you can only know God if you read the KJV or whatever other Koolaid some people are trying to pour you.

Anyway, I love the wording of The Message Remix and have been reading it sporadically over the last year (Mother's Day gift, 2012) as my main go-to.  And I tell you what, reading it from beginning to end (I'm only on Genesis 45 right now, day 3) is already totally awesome!  And difficult, and gut-wrenching, and I wish I had more hours in the day...

If you are interested in doing it, too, and are on Facebook, you can let me know here in the comments and I can add you to the private group.  Though you can just check in here, too, once in a while as I'll be posting here and there about what God shows me.  We aren't following a specific reading plan or anything.  This isn't a legalistic undertaking, but a time of intention to read for what works out to be approximately one hour a day.  Often times in Bible studies or times of prayer, we are the ones doing all the talking, going down our list of things we want God to do for us.  This is a time of reading what God has done throughout history and what His deep down love story looks like for mankind...what He has to say to us.

And, my friend even listened to it on CD if she was out on a walk or in her car or whatever. 

Anyway.

I hope you can join us.  If not, when you think of it, please pray for us.  We're in:  MN, HI, CO, VA, GA, NC, OK, MI, NE, TX, and...

A Whole Lotta Tongue in Cheek

Recently someone I know posted a picture of himself being baptized as an infant.  His caption had some sort of smart ass sentiment about "water boarding" and "for shame...I was just a baby." 

It got me thinking.  I started attending church at the same age he was in the picture.  That was about 41 years ago.  And church has looked like many different things over that time, including the last two years where I haven't gone to church really at all...

Why did my parents do it?  Why was I given a head bath at a mass in 1972 in Ohio, one winter day?  Why did they choose Catholic over Lutheran over Episcopalian over Baptist over some other brand name denomination?  Why did I go to CCD, First Confession, First Communion, Confirmation?  Why did we give thanks before meals, pray before bed, talk about our problems and apologize, talk to God and about Him with one another?  Was it just so I could wear pretty dresses once a week?  Was it strictly out of social obligation?  Was it because our grandparents expected it or to escape the gates of hell?  Why did we "leave" the local catholic church, anyway, and how is it we wound up in the different kinds of churches since then?  How come some people danced and clapped their hands while others were solemn? 

One attribute I wholeheartedly embrace as a middle-child is that of peace maker.  I will believe the best in you to a fault, and so, I imagine that next to historical conviction, my parents raised me with faith not to cram their own beliefs down my throat or so us girls would fit a mold and be perfect, but so we would always hear from them and know from God that God is good, God made us, He loves us without condition and wants us to love others the same way because life is complicated, messy, and painful, and that He will come back for us one day, which is a good thing, not scary.

I've heard there are worse things parents can do to a child...I'm grateful my parents chose this form of "abuse" as some would see it. 

How tragic...a child was raised with loving parents who made mistakes and were learning it as they went along seeking Wisdom smarter than themselves, but deep down, at the end of each day, knew God was real even though she couldn't see Him, and that He loved her.  For shame...

The peacemaker middle-child in me isn't a score keeper.  On our family faith journey we haven't always done everything right.  On my personal journey with the Lord, I couldn't even begin to tell you all the mistakes I have made...you can do the math:  I dedicated my life to serving the Lord on May 10, 1987...if on average I screwed up 3 dozen times a day, to be conservative, that adds up to a whole lotta thankfulness for Grace and Forgiveness, that's all I know.

Last night Emily and I snuggled on the couch and watched, "Parental Guidance."  All parents and kids should see this film together.  There are some fabulous lessons all around.  In one scene Billy Crystal and Marisa Tomei, father and daughter in the film, are in the kitchen late at night after the culmination of a weeks worth of fighting and disagreements and misunderstandings and major underlying passive aggressive anger from the past.  The film is a comedy, but I was bawling.  Tomei's character had set up her life in such a way to do everything opposite from the way her parents raised her, a clear statement to them that they pretty much sucked/aka she could do it better, without their help, and quite perfectly, thankyouverymuch.

There are things I have done differently as a young woman, mom, wife, and follower of Christ than my parents, and their parents, and their parents before them.  And I've done many things the same.  Good and bad, because I am a human.

I know I will make many more mistakes in parenting as long as I'm on this earth.  I've already screwed my kids up a little, I'll admit.  But if when they are older the worst thing they can say about me is that I prayed and asked God's help in how to show them how much I loved them, well, then, I'm willing to take that risk.  We cannot force our children to believe what we believe, and it very well may break our hearts if they don't, but we can love them...yep, that part is up to us.

Just make sure you love them with all of your guts...because holding some of your love back just because it may rip out your heart will only leave you never really knowing what it's like to fully live.

At Home with Intention

This is a note to myself and to every. single. stay. at. home. mom. or. person. in. the. whole. entire. world.

Side note:  If you've ever done, or are interested in doing a Beth Moore study, don't follow the rules.  Rules and schedules are suggestions and when it comes to one of her studies, one week per lesson or session, is insufficient time to truly dig in deep to the content in Scripture.  Her studies are merely springboards into God's revelation.  Every time I've been part of a study, this time around specifically Daniel, we have broken the rules and lengthened the study for as long as it takes.  Let's just say, we started this "12-week" study eight months ago...and we're not done yet.  But this isn't the point of this post, at all.

So, in Week 10 of the study, page 195, Beth says this, "Sometimes the complacency of 'home' is not conducive to the most life-altering revelations."  To which I wrote in my margin, "Short-term missions are relat revelatory."  Because I am very passionate about "missions" in general and how they can transform the heart of the go-er, no matter the length.  People need to cross borders...it allows our eyes to be opened.  However, that still isn't the point of this post...(more on that another time...)

Then she said, "Have you ever noticed that some of the most life-altering moves God has made in our lives have come when we were away from our homey surroundings?"  And she goes on to say, "Often our most defining spiritual markers happen at conferences, retreats, on mission trips, vacations, or work stints far from home rather than in the usual places." 

Before reading the remainder of her thoughts, I had my own which I scribed in the margin, "I challenge that 'home' is the place where the rubber meets the road and our faith sets in and takes root...if we continue in our pursuit of Him in the mundane, He is there...He speaks."

And then I continued to read, "The daily-ness of home is crucial, however, because there God challenges us to believe and persevere in what He often shows us elsewhere."

But what if you are a "Stay At Home Mom" or SAHM or Person and never leave home?  What if your definition of leaving home entails carpooling, grocery runs, jaunts to the library, co-op, sports or music practice, doctor check-ups, and filling up with gas so you can repeat those things previously stated?

What then?  Is there no potential, then, for a "defining spiritual moment" to take place in the life of a SAHPerson?  Are Stay At Home People too mundane, too homey?  Do SAHP NOT change the world or NOT experience life-altering moves of God just because they didn't go far from home?

NOT at all!

I dare say that for the last 2 1/2 years I have purposely hibernated.  Being quite literal, I have stayed. at. home. And I've been INTENTIONAL in playing with my kids, dating my husband, spending time with my extended family, meeting more of the neighbors and the parents at my daughter's school, but really, focusing on the circle of life I'm in at this particular stage of life and not going that far outside of it.

And during the last two and a half years, God's shown up in powerful ways.  He has shown up in our times at the dining room table most mornings.  He has opened up conversations between people which have been shielded and closed for a long time.  In unsuspecting settings, He's provided cool opportunities to pray right then and there with people. 

And at home, He has taught me more and more about Himself and His incredible love for me and for ALL OF HIS CREATION, His longing to be in community with His people.

I haven't been on a quote un quote missions trip in a few years now where I've left the country.  And believe me, I am very passionate about visiting Third-World countries.

However, don't EVER let the Devil lie to you that you aren't making an impact in your circle of life or changing the world around you, right here, right now!  The impact you make can either be beautiful and life-altering or spent wishing you were doing something else, living someone else's life, waiting until you have "your act together."

The reality is, if we look to God in the day to day, sharing His love with everyone we know and meet, don't you think eventually those ripples will start overlapping?

*What are some ways you know God has shown up in your day to day mundane?  How has it changed your perspective?

For Obvious Reasons

This morning, I was reading some of The Picture Bible to Emily and Ryan as they ate breakfast.  Before Em woke up, I had been sharing with Ryan the meaning of Easter and the significance of this week in history, as well as modern day, so decided we'd read the days leading up to "Palm Sunday" and "The Passover Feast" and, of course, the Crucifixion and Resurrection.

We usually read to Ryan out of The Beginner's Bible or The Jesus Storybook Bible, then fill in details from Scripture we've read from our own Bibles.  (*Anyway, wow, I just got back from a ten minute detour while looking for the above links and there are some seriously intense people "out there" that have some jacked up opinionated opinions...no freaking wonder some people are turned off by people who call themselves "Christians"...this is maddening and WILL be another post...)

Meanwhile, I'm just grateful Jesus spoke in parables and stories in order to communicate Eternal things which our limited perspectives can barely grasp...

...basically, I'm grateful for FAITH.

Back to the story...so the self-righteous religious leaders were all up in Jesus' face, cranky and worked up because THE CHILDREN were praising God, saying, "Hosanna!  Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!"  

So Jesus said, "Yes, and have you not read in the Psalms that out of the mouths of children God brings perfect praise?"  

(*Quotes from The Picture Bible)  

(*see Matthew 21 for the whole story...)

So, I said, "Em, why do you think God called the praises of kids 'perfect'?  Why do you think He encourages grown-ups to be more like children, to have faith like them?"

Em said, "Because we aren't all stressed out...and, because we are cuter."

And so there you have it.  I don't really think I need to go into it much more than that.

• Have we become so stressed out carrying burdens and worries we weren't meant to carry that The One on the road before us, the road laden with palms and garments that leads to Eternal peace, is blurry and The One leading us,  just not worth the stress?
• Are we no longer cute, like a kid, because we've allowed the things of this world to steal our joy and our praises?

Every loving parent thinks their kids are the cutest.

How much more does God love us?

This Easter, let's all try to be a little cuter...

When Dreams Come True

Jason and I took Dave Ramsey's "Financial Peace University"class recently.  All I can say is literally every person should take this class at some point in their existence.  There would be no financial issues on this earth or in any government.  Just sayin'.

That being said, one of our cash envelopes is set aside each week for eating out.  I've enjoyed this because prior to Dave's class, we ate out a ton and our monthly budget seemed to be slipping through our fingers.  Plus, my thighs were bigger.

Now we stick with our "Eating Out" budget and it's like money has magically appeared in our bank account.  Crazy stuff.  I now believe in magic.

And I'm using my treadmill more and lifting weights, so that's likely why my thighs aren't as large.

White man overbite, November 2012

Anyway, I love our little "Eating Out" envelope.  Every once in a while when Ryan and I are out on the town running errands we'll stop for a lunch date at our favorite spot and use about $8.00 of our "Eating Out" budget.  A couple of months ago there was a sunny warm day and Ryan was a hungry little lion, so we headed over to our favorite spot, ordered, got our food, and found a cozy 2-top outside in the sunshine where we shared our plate of goodness.

It didn't occur to me then.  Nor had it occurred to me all the other times the two of us had shared a lunch date at this same little place...

Fast forward to a few weeks ago when the whole family was running errands.  It was my turn to choose our lunch spot.  We rotate who gets to choose where we are eating among Jason, Emily and myself.

I chose "Garbanzo's".

And as I spooned a mouthful of hummus into Ryan's sweet little lips, I realized a dream of mine had already come true.  And as we shared the last falafel, I knew it had...

He may not have dark hair yet.  And at 3 feet, he certainly doesn't tower over his mama, either.

But, I am so very grateful that unknowingly, Ryan and I found our favorite spot, and it's there where we laugh and cry, or whine, over falafels.

Loveolution

We need to start a "Loveolution."  Actually, we need to carry out what was already started years ago...like, thousands of years ago, where EL. OH. VEE.  EE. was the headline news, not the other crap on TV, but news worthy in that it was spoken and acted out, person to person, in real life, God to man. The kind of news where people ran from town to town to tell how their lives were radically changed, for eternity...

Love + Revolution = Loveolution

Love is, according to the "Free Dictionary":

• A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

Revolution is, according to the "Free Dictionary":

• 1a.  Orbital motion about a point, especially as distinguished from axial rotation: ie, planetary revolution about the sun.
• 1b.  A turning or rotational motion about an axis.
• 1c.  A single complete cycle of such orbital or axial motion.
• 2.  The overthrow of one government and its replacement with another.
• 3.  A sudden or momentous change in a situation.

So, picture this:  all of us, every. single. one. of. us. orbiting, or rotating our lives, NOT around our own intentions, motives, or seemingly selfless behaviors, but around LOVE.  Loving God first, loving ourselves the way we've been created, and loving everyone else with whom we come in contact.

INTENTIONAL LOVE.

It's not easy.  Some don't, or won't, love God.  They have too many walls to even believe He is good, or that He exists at all.

Others, like I've done in the past, don't, or won't, love ourselves, grateful for all our quirks and imperfections that add to the beauty and variety of life.

And loving others...even the crusty weird neighbor or crotchety relative who is negative, negative, negative?  Even that one?  Ummm, that's not easy.

Yeah, but who said it's supposed to be easy?  We want it to be, but loving is tough stuff, because we all have rough edges and we've all been hurt.

Our "underlying oneness" from the definition above is that God made us all...

We need a Loveolution.  

Before any more laws are passed and any more hate is spread, we need to literally STOP.  I don't give a rip about what kind of government is or isn't in place, if we don't have love, it doesn't mean jack squat.

Imagine if all the hate in the world was overthrown with a Loveolution?

With this previous election, there were days where I could taste bile in my mouth because of how nauseous I was from all the hatred being spewed...and from people who use my Lord's name...in vain.

Don't pervert my God!

People think using God's name in vain is what people yell at the opposing teams at a sports match, or at the guy who cut you off in traffic.

Using God's name in vain is claiming to be His yet not walking in LOVE.

Stop.  Don't do it.  How sickening that the name of Jesus Christ is being perverted by people spreading hatred!  It's opposite of Who He was, Who He is, and Who He is supposed to be in us.

I'm a Christian woman.  This means I am a forgiven human who has an intimate relationship with the Creator of the Universe because of His selfless action of unconditional love, God becoming a man in order to know what earth-life really is like, outside of His physical presence.  This doesn't mean I am perfect or ever claim to be.  It just means I'm not using His name in vain, for my own selfish ambition, but out of thankfulness for being saved from my sorry self.

Religion is death.  Don't equate a relationship with God with the word "religion."

A relationship with Almighty God is awesome and intimate and holy and beautiful, and messy on our part, but moldable and completely attainable here on earth, not because of our actions or behaviors, but because God loves us, each of us, and extends that love and grace to us every day.

I mean, what would happen if there was a sudden and momentous change in the earth towards Love?  You know, praying in school, to God, doesn't hurt anyone.  It doesn't hurt anyone in any religion that does claim God.  And it won't hurt the people in school who don't believe in Him because it won't affect them, right?!  I mean, they don't think He's there, so, let's just bring it back.

I heard today that the Mayans never foresaw December 21st as a physical end of the world as we know it, but rather a spiritual end of the world.  Wow.  That's much more profound than all the previous town criers who have even written books or purchased air time for their untimely foreshadowing.

The world I live in today is in pain.  It's dark.  Sometimes it's difficult to see the Light, but He is there, shining, moving in hearts, one at a time.  I won't live in fear because I have hope and I know there's more to this life than what I see.

However, in the meantime, I live here.  I breathe the same air as Jesus once did and as horrible dictators do in war-torn countries.  We all spin on the same physical axis and orbit around the same sun, but we aren't all revolving around the same Love agenda.

We need to, though.  We need a Loveolution.  And we need one NOW.  No more wasting time.  The time is NOW to start loving God, loving ourselves, and loving our fellow man.

We need a Loveolution.

Love, SPREAD IT!

God's agenda has always been LOVE.  The Devil, on the other hand, has never been anything other than an asshole.

Hate evil.  Cling to what is good.  Do not live in fear but know that Perfect LOVE casts out all fear.

A LOVE REVOLUTION.  It's time we got started...

"Pink Snow"

Here's a re-post of something I wrote almost two years ago.

With a fresh blanket of snow on the mountains, and knowing how quickly it comes and melts away here in Colorado, this post keep coming to mind as I gaze at the mountains in the West.

I hope you enjoy.

photo courtesy of: snow-forecast.com

Where Lies Your Beauty?

Today, Em and Ry and I were walking through Walmart.  As we stopped to honk the bike horns on the aisle display, parked between youth men's clothing and the craft aisles, my eyes locked on the new Sport Illustrated swimsuit calendar, displayed right next to the Justin Bieber and Harry Potter posters.  Thankfully, come December 21st, all the "athletes" who purchased the calendar already, you know, for "sports" inspiration, oh wait, I mean for the articles, won't even get a chance to look at it each month.

photo "courtesy" of Sports Illustrated 2012 Swimsuit Issue #$%^&*

Tongue.  In.  Cheek.  If only the Mayans were right!  I'm looking forward to my destination...

This display, with two extra large calendars side by side, was at Ryan's eye level.  He was too busy honking the bike horns to notice.  Thank.  You.  Jesus.

However, Em's eyes went there and I caught it in the corner of my eye, taking mental note of her response.

We headed to the check out and then to the car.

Me:  Em, I know you saw that poster of the woman in a bathing suit.  What did you think about it?

Em:  I thought it was kind of weird.

Me:  Why did you think it was weird?

Em:  Why would you take a picture of a girl in a really small bathing suit like that?

Me:  There's a magazine called, "Sports Illustrated," that is supposed to be a magazine about sports.  You know, like football, basketball, baseball, soccer, tennis, swimming, lacrosse.  You know, sports.  But every year they have one publication dedicated entirely to women in their bathing suits.  What do you think about that?

Em:  What does that have to do with sports?

Me:  Uh-huh.  Who do you think might look at that particular magazine?

Em:  Someone who is kind of weird.

Me:  Actually, it could be anyone.  But do you think it's necessary or beneficial to the person looking at it?

Em:  No.  It could make them think all girls should look like that.

Me:  Some religions have gone to the extreme to make women cover themselves, as not to draw attention to their outward beauty.  There is nothing wrong with being beautiful.  God made us that way.  But there's a problem in our culture, in particular, Em.  Some women don't know they are beautiful.  They believe that what shows on the outside is what matters, and by wearing very little they will get the attention or approval of men.  Our culture has gone to the extreme by encouraging women to wear very little, focusing on our outward appearance.  What do you think about that?

Em:  I want people to know me and love me for who I am on the inside.

Me:  Yeah, me too.  There's nothing wrong with wearing a bathing suit, Em.  Please don't hear that.  What I'm trying to say, that's difficult to understand, is some people look at models and then compare themselves to them, wishing they were like them, assuming they are perfect.  Mommy felt badly about herself for years because I believed in my head those girls were prettier than me.  And, then other people might compare the people in their lives to the women in the calendar, wishing their wife or girlfriend was more like her.  Some guys then get feelings for the women in the magazine and want to be married to them, wishing they could have sex with them, instead of their own wife.  What do you think about that?

Em:  That's really sad.

Me:  Em, God made you.  He made all of us with unique gifts and strengths, and we are all beautiful.  It's the world that has tainted that beauty.  I mean, it's so messed up, Em.  Take, for example, chips.  Some companies have hired a beautiful woman with big boobs and very little clothing to eat chips in their commercial.  I'm not sure what that has to do with chips, but it sells because guys watching the commercial are drawn to the sexuality of the woman.  What do you think about that?

Em:  I think she ate too many chips and her boobs got fat.

Me:  (*note to self:  save breast implant conversation for another day...dear God!)

Me:  Em, the point is:  our beauty comes from inside.  Some people have tried to make women into objects of beauty, just by focusing on our outward appearance.  We are a bigger deal than just gorgeousness!  We are brilliant, smart, kind, and we can change the world!  Literally!  We are not simply objects and our beauty isn't just on the outside.  If it is, we're in big trouble because we get wrinkly and crunchy with time :)  There's nothing wrong with being beautiful, Em.  Period.  But do you think a guy looking at a magazine full of women who are barely covered makes him want to be a better man to God, his wife, and his kids?  Or to his future wife?

Em:  I think the calendar is stupid.

A Letter to my Friend...

...or you, but either way, I wanted to share:

Hey friend!  I'm sorry you are wrestling right now, though I'm not, because wrestling w/self and God aren't the worst things in the world...it means He is there to wrestle with...and that's good, even when it sucks.

God never "comes and goes."  He is always.  He remains.  We are the only ones who wain.  And it's okay to be tired, but that also shows you are "trying" instead of "being."  God wants you to be....wants you to rest in Him...lean into Him...trust He is good...His love for you is not performance based...those are lies of American Church culture, not a relationship with Jesus Christ.

Here's the thing:  in the Garden, the greatest deception wasn't just getting those guys to eat an apple and have their eyes opened to see good and evil...the deception which has remained since that day is the Devil's victory to take our hearts and minds to a place where instead of knowing beyond all doubt that God is good and great and loving all the time, we wonder if He really is...because bad things happen or because our lives don't look like we planned or because we don't always feel His presence or hear His voice clearly or know the next step to take.  So, what could be a deep rooted peace beyond all comprehension, even in the midst of life and personal hell here on earth, is tangled in a web of trying to behave a certain way, do good things, and convincing ourselves that He is a good God who loves us, when in fact, that is Who He is...always and forever.

He already said He loves us.  He already established that truth when He designed us in His image and wanted to hang out with us.

When the Bible says that Satan has a time or dominion here on the earth for a season, I believe it has everything to do with the battle going on over each and every one of us, the battle to keep us believing God is out to get us and is a conditional God...he twists the truth to keep us living in fear, but it's his own fear he's projecting on us...does this make sense?  Because Satan knows his time is short...

We weren't designed to be perfect, though we were made in the image of a perfect God.  We were designed to simply be with Him...to be His friends...to live in fellowship and relationship, not isolation.  I'm speaking to myself as I'm coming out of a season of isolation and loneliness where little pieces of my heart were dark and hidden, hidden because I believed the lies he was telling me that I had to be perfect, you know, because everyone else is perfect, obviously...

Every. Single. Story. in the Bible is about an imperfect person, rough on the edges, who did great things or lived by faith, not of their own amazingness or perfection but because of who God was in them, in spite of them, calling them to simply trust that He may know what He's doing on a bigger scale.

I love you and am so very grateful God has reunited us at this time in our lives.  He's been placing you on my heart a lot lately, maybe because we are similar in many ways or maybe just because you are a wonderful woman to love...either way, I'm praying for you, friend, as only an imperfect friend can do...

Loving yourself is a one day at a time thing...sometimes one hour at a time...I'm walking it, too.

Following God does carry responsibility...I often feel like I've failed Him on so many levels and on a daily basis b/c I haven't saved every. single. person. in my neighborhood or city or state, or the southwest region of the USA, or the Lower 48...etc, etc.  There are days where I think more about my ruined garden, dirty toilet, if I ate too many pistachios, or what to make for dinner than changing the world or living a selfless life.

We all suck at life.  At least when we weigh ourselves against the world's standards on any given topic.  There will always be someone smarter, richer, more generous, more selfless, more compassionate, more relatable, wiser, more thoughtful, etc, etc.  Does that mean we suck entirely?  Nope.  We don't suck entirely.  We make mistakes.  We say we are sorry.  We take responsibility for our own actions, stop blaming others or comparing ourselves to others, and we pick ourselves up and keep on going one foot in front of the other...trusting God will lead us...if we seek Him.  We have to seek Him to find Him, but He said we'd find Him if we indeed seek Him...


Friend, He made you on purpose for a purpose...not some pie in the sky purpose you'll one day wake up and see and be able to boast in, but a day to day walk carried out in simplicity, not defined by the standards of the world but shaped and designed by the very Creator of the Universe to be stealthy and filled with His love to those around you...and His love for you.  Big love.

Anyway, sorry this is haphazard and random...just some thoughts God put on my heart for you today.  I sure love you and am grateful for your life!  I know you have a lot on your plate right now...just know you are in my prayers and I am here for you whenever I'm not sleeping ;)  Just kidding!  I totally love you!  xoxox

Metamorphosis

Jason's team at work watched the following short film the other day.  He then forwarded it to me.

I cannot stop thinking about it.

I showed it to Emily and her best friend, then we explored Nick's site for a while.  I had shown Em a video clip of Nick's a couple years ago, but the two almost 10 year olds were more profoundly impacted this time around.

I hope this movie challenges you, makes you squirm a little, and sets your eyes on what really matters.

Enjoy!




 (This is from the site, so credit goes where credit is due...)

thebutterflycircus.com
At the height of the Great Depression, the showman of a renowned circus discovers a man without limbs being exploited at a carnival sideshow, but after an intriguing encounter with the showman he becomes driven to hope against everything he has ever believed.

Directed by: Joshua Weigel; Written by: Joshua Weigel & Rebekah Weigel; Produced by: Joshua Weigel, Rebekah Weigel & Angie Alvarez; Starring: Eduardo Verastegui (Bella, Chasing Papi), Nick Vujicic (Life Without Limbs) & Doug Jones (Pan's Labyrinth, Fantastic Four - Rise of the Silver Surfer, Hellboy)

CONTAGION

In the year 2006, the year Noah was admitted to the hospital, the Mayo Clinic put out a statement that said, 

"97% of all diseases are caused by a viral or bacterial infection in the body at some point."  

Keep this in mind as you read this post...

Alright, that's it!

I've seriously had it and don't feel like staying silent any longer.

My disclaimer is I am not a scientist or biologist or biophysicist, so take it or leave it.

I have researched the world of viruses and bacteria now for almost 6 years.  When your kid dies of "unknown causes" but Borrelia burgdorferi (Bb) antigens (Lyme's Disease) were found in his blood and yours...not to mention dozens of mice died at the CDC as a result of being injected with your son's stool,  well, let's just say, your former life of caring about what's going on in Hollywood is shadowed by your secret love of research and the world of biology.  Geeky, I know.  But I eat it up!

I'm not a conspiracy theorist like some out there who think the FDA and CDC are out to kill everyone, or make millions off "creating" or releasing diseases for which, they in turn, design a drug to kill it off, and make even more billions.  That's not my gig.  Entertaining movies.  Whether it's true or not, life's too short to waste my time wondering if Big Brother is Satan or not.

And, I do not think everyone and their dog has Lyme's disease, though a lot more people do than they realize.  But Bb, (a spirochete) or the spiral shaped organism inside of a tick, biting fly, spider or mosquito, (not just ticks, people) which passes to a victim, whether it be an animal or human being, is only ONE OF OVER 300 spirochetes researchers have discovered, each of them contributing conditions and symptoms which either present or mimic an already existing disease, thus, why we have a plethora of misdiagnoses in the world today.  (This will have to be a chapter in my book...)

This only scratches the surface of why I'm worked up today, but a friend posted this on Facebook.

One, this isn't the 80's.  It's not "Forrest Gump," people.  Everyone in Africa does not have AIDS just like everyone in Russia or Ireland is not an alcoholic.  Just like every Italian guy in America isn't in the Mafia.  Just like everyone in Asia doesn't have Bird Flu.  Just like every person south of America's borders does not have Tuberculosis.  Just like every citizen of Connecticut does not have Lyme's Disease.  Just like every person in San Francisco isn't gay.  Just like every woman in Texas isn't a "Good Christian Bitch."  Just like everyone who attends church isn't righteous.  Just like every homeless person isn't unfit for society.  Just like all Right Wing Republicans aren't crazy...just like all Left Wing Liberals aren't crazy.  Just like...just like...

Just like every other ignorant stereotype that causes fear to rise up in people, often truly crippling people to the point of disease and disability, incapable of living this life to the fullest, because they are paranoid and gripped by fear.


Fear because of only knowing some of the truth, though believing they know it all.

We have friends who adopted twins from Uganda.  They were born HIV+.  They are flourishing now in the US because they have a loving family, balanced diet, and access to great medications.  And their numbers are undetectable.  If we lived in the same part of the country, you better bet your ass we'd have them over for barbecues and birthday parties and slumber parties, and I'd be devouring those sweet babies with smooches like crazy!

But guess what?!  They aren't, "My friend's kids with HIV."  They are my friend's kids.  They have names.  They are created by God just like you and I.  They aren't even defined by being adopted.  They are my friend's kids.  She doesn't have "biological kids" and "adoptive kids" she has KIDS!

If Noah had lived outside the hospital in the state he was in when we removed him from life support, would he have been defined as "that kid on life support" or would he have been Noah?

To be UNinvited to a party because a person is HIV+ is probably a blessing because, though the bloggers heart is to love those people still, it's more of a lesson in knowing who your true friends are.  And knowing who your true friends are in this life is one of the greatest gifts of all...

It's also a lesson in the reality that some people get their facts from forwarded emails that have been forwarded and forwarded and forwarded without ever going to the source and learning for themselves.  Regurgitated puke.  Lovely.  Not facts.  Fear.

Here is how HIV is spread.  

UNinvitations are how hatred is spread.

Here is how LOVE is spread.


IT'S TIME TO CHOOSE YOUR CONTAGION...

The Age of Aquarius

There are people who check their astrology chart or reading every day.  They are seeking insight, direction, wisdom, and encouragement, among a slew of other things...

Imagine this:  an intimate consult for the past, present and future, with the One who knows EVERY. SINGLE. THING. EVER.

No crystal ball necessary.  Not even the palm of your hand or an article from a long lost loved one.  No fees.  Just free advice and direction.  EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

Just you and the Creator of the Whole Universe, sitting face to face, you quietly listening while He is ever telling you how much He loves you, His plans for you, telling you stories of old and giving you glimpses of hope for the future...one He is fully aware of, one He can handle despite our own chaos.

As far as the palm reading goes, He says we are engraved on the palm of His hand.  You don't even need a hand!  So that's literally good if yours has been cut off or if you were born without one. 

Has your kid ever come home from school with marker or pen written all over their hand to remember something?  Well, guess what?!  God's Sharpie really is permanent!

He remembers you because HE made you.  And He thinks you're totally awesome!  For REALS!

And those constellations that are strung together in the beautiful, black, dark night, what about those?  Do they direct us, guide us, show us the way?  Well, long ago before there was electricity, when the nights were actually dark and the stars were bright, they were hung there for direction, but physical direction, like God's version of your GPS.  And, clearly they did have meaning because some star studiers were well aware when a new, bright star appeared the night the Savior of the World was born.  The knew what it meant and they were wise to seek out the One it proclaimed.  They headed that direction, the way their "GPS" told them to go.

I get cranky when people say, "God is silent.  He just isn't really saying anything."

This is a load of CRAP.  God is constantly speaking to us through His Word.  Open your Bible.  The past, present, and future is in there.  You may not see the specifics of whether you should work at this location or move to that state or if that guy is the one you should marry.  But, the wisdom is there.  And the One who gives the wisdom is the Author.

Get to know Him. 

Why seek the faulty insight of humans through horoscopes and other venues when you can go straight to the Source, the very One who designed you, the One who knows you by name, Created you ON PURPOSE, and has beauty in store every time He thinks of you?

Trekking Around the World

Remember this?

It's been a while.  I wouldn't expect you to, but I sure do.  One night, 5 years ago last November, we had gotten some yummy Chinese take-out and were sitting in Noah's room at The Children's Hospital.  As we finished up and started cracking open our fortune cookies, I grabbed one and said, "This one's for Noah."  If you can see in the picture, that's medical tape, the kind that used to keep tubes and crap attached to my sweet boy.  We used it for other things, as you can see.

At the time I remember thinking, "Oh how great it would be if You would heal Noah, God, and we could go all over the world (a lifetime dream of mine) and tell everyone of Your faithfulness, love and power."  This was my initial response to reading, "You will step on the soil of many countries."

It's because I had seen myself with a grown son...remember?  And so I naturally thought it was Noah...since he was my only son at the time and all.  And Noah did step on the soil of many countries, so to speak, just not physically with his two sweet little feet.  His blog hit every continent before he died, but that wasn't quite what I had been thinking...

Well, fast forward 5 years.  This post isn't about Noah.  It's about how my heart leaps out of my chest every time I see pictures of a sweet mama and her boy, so very much in love, who are on a journey.  It's about how I can't get them out of my mind, not because I want to, but because God continues to put them on my heart, all throughout the day.

I have mentioned him here before, but I'm asking you not to turn away.  I KNOW reading about a kid that is dying is nothing less than gut-wrenching.  It's HARD.  It SUCKS.  It's a volume of books filled with descriptive words that can't really describe the heartache.  I freaking GET IT!  It's why hundreds stopped reading my blog after Noah died.  I understand.  It's not as fun as Pinterest or Facebook or a hundred million other things.

But I'm literally begging you to let your heart pray for Jarrett, Chelsea, Peyton, Conner and Trek, as they set off on a journey of living life to the fullest, one day at a time.

You see, someone close to them contacted me to pray for them...she had read Noah's blog and couldn't stop thinking about some of the similarities.


Here is where my heart is wrecked.  We never wanted Noah to be stuck in a hospital bed his whole freaking life.  That was never our dream for him...but because of a whole hellofalotta reasons, we were stuck.  There were days I dreamed of stealing him out of the hospital and taking him home...but we couldn't because we didn't have home health care at the time.  It was a big mess.  The closest I got to showing him the world was this...whoopdefreakingdo!


Anyway, Chelsea's heart is living out what I wished I could have done with Noah. 


Am I living vicariously through them?  Only the freedom part...I lived all the rest already.

Either way, my heart is crying out for them to RUN, PLAY, LAUGH, CRY, REST, STARE, LISTEN, SING, NUGGLE, SMOOCH, HOLD ON and LET GO all at once. 


I pray for God's love to fill every corner of their lives with such fullness that this time in their lives will ever be etched in their hearts.


I hate what they are going through but if I had it to do over, which I don't wish for, but if I could go back, I'd run like hell out of that hospital and live whatever amount of time I had with my boy, free from the beeps and meds and tubes and tests and pokes and drugs and smells and unknowns. 


I'd run.

I don't despise what we went through, I do have to say, because 5 years later, I'm grateful to at least have the perspective that life is short.  It's time to live, today, right now, to the fullest.  Time and the people in our lives are literally gifts from God for our joy. 


It's time you, or someone you know, stop holding back.


Hug tighter.


Kiss longer.


Stare at your children.


Laugh your ass off.


Play on the floor with your kids.


Tell your husband you love him.

Tell him you are sorry.


Hold hands.


Turn off your freaking television.  Hell, throw the damn thing away.


Forgive.

Stop caring what others think of you.

Trust God sees the bigger picture.  Relinquish the control you think you need to have.


Smile.

Listen.

Play.

Dream.


Live in wonder.

Baby Trek Atlas may not physically touch the soil of many countries in his short life time, but the way he's living with his big brothers and mommy and daddy who adore him...well, he's experiencing more love than many do in a lifetime.  And, if you spend some time reading his mama's blog, I would venture to guess he'll have you looking around, wondering what matters, and making a few changes and tweaks to what is important. 

That's Trek, a 9.5 month old, teaching us a thing or two.  That's him stepping on the soil of many countries...

Life is short.  How will you spend it?

If You Ask About a Muffin...

A couple of weeks ago I was looking in the display at a restaurant at what looked like a scrumptious gluten free blueberry muffin.  Of course I knew I wasn’t going to buy it, one because it’s still laden with sugar whether it’s gluten free or not, and two, because like most baked goods, it probably had been made with eggs, my biggest allergen.  But, nonetheless, I asked the girl behind the counter about the muffin.  She said they were amazing but, yes, had eggs and sugar.

Within ten minutes she went from telling me about the gluten free muffin to going Paleo to doing Crossfit to sharing her journey of addiction to alcohol, meth, and food…her son’s health issues involving ADD and ADHD, and how difficult it is to be a single mom, not totally healed of her addictions and how angry she is at God about it.

I listened.  I shared a little bit of my story of disappointment with God and losing a son and my addiction to food, how there is no such thing as a secret, that God's a Big Boy and can handle her anger, and that He’s totally and completely in love with her no matter where she is on her journey.  We exchanged names and I told her I would be praying for her and her son.  And I’ve done so, because just saying it doesn’t mean squat.

As I headed next door to meet my husband and some friends, I felt like an hour had passed learning all that I had.  I hadn't wanted to be rude to keep everyone waiting...

10 minutes.  

Only 10 minutes had passed and as I relayed some of the information I gained from hearing this woman’s heart, my husband’s buddy just looked at me…and then he looked at Jason.  And he said, “You were over there 10 minutes and you found out all of that?”  “Yep.  Everywhere we go.  She can find out your whole life story in 10 minutes.  It’s crazy,” Jason said.  “Teach me,” said his friend.  Jason told him it was a gift.

I think he’s wrong.  Respectfully saying so, mind you.

It’s not a gift.

I just think everyone is worth knowing.  Everyone.

I believe we all have a story and our stories are important.  Even more so, our stories are meant to be told.  Little by little, sharing along the way, telling bits of the story to those ready to listen, and listening to those who are ready to share.

Our stories are never complete.  They don’t have “choose your own ending” and aren’t meant to be compared to the next person’s.  Our stories are on-going, ever-changing and still unfolding.  If we wait for them to reach a place of “peace” or “stillness” or “happily ever after” in order to share, we’ll have missed out on the point...

We are here on this earth for God’s glory.  He gets the glory when we live out the story He has written for us, all the while sharing it with others.  We were designed to share.  Not if we feel comfortable with the task or not, but because in sharing others get to find healing, too.

In my opinion, we need to stop talking and start sharing.

Are you ready to start sharing your story?

Some thoughts on Secrets

I wanted to share my heart about an encounter I had last Friday with a person I've held a, well, really, really big grudge towards for 5 and 1/2 years.

I don't feel like writing it twice, so here it is. 

If you are of the persuasion that the little secrets you hide deep in your heart, you know the dirty little ones that don't hurt anyone else, are actual secrets, I'd challenge you to think again.

God knows everything.  Literally.  Every.  Thing.

So, if there's a secret locked up in your life that is holding you back from being all you were intended to be, well, let's just say God knows about it and He's not keen on things holding you back from living a full life that glorifies Him. 

First He gently nudges us to expose it ourselves.  Initially.  This is always a better route.  But seeing as how the human race is just a tad stubborn, at least my own private sector, who in their right mind would expose our own imperfections or faults willingly?

A few more nudges.  Some hints.  And then sometimes God just plops us in a situation where we have to face it.  A place that calls a spade a spade, and if we're open to it, and repentant, admitting our sin, He forgives.

God knows.  And He is faithful to allow us to go through our crap in order to take part in the good stuff.