Lessons from Spain (and other European countries): Ministry Happens in a Bar

I have a new friend who is sassy.  She's also brilliant, sensitive, wise, and discerning, humble and modest, and a fantastic listener.  She is British, 100%, as in, her parents are English, she was born in England, and so that makes her an Englishwoman.  Ryan kisses the back of her hand every time he sees her and addresses her as "Princess."  And she's a girl totally, madly, deeply in love with her Savior.  She is teaching me so very much.

Being from the other side of the Pond, she also likes Scotch, or Bourbon, or Gin, or one of those drinks men who are 60 or older sip in smoky wood paneled clubs with leaded glass windows where Englishmen meet amongst walls lined with leather bound books and trophy deer heads from plaid clad weekends on the hillsides of Europe.

This very statement made some readers wonder if my friend is really even a Christian...seriously, raise your hand if your remember Jesus' first miracle.

Anyway, being a SAHCMFTBIA (Stay At Home Caucasian Mom From The Burbs In America), I've never really embraced my ethnicity one way or another.  Just this morning I had to fill out a form and check the vanilla boring nondescript box labeled, "Caucasian."  Before I was married I at least told people how my maiden name means, "Bible" in German and then I'd break out into "Stille Nacht" or count to 10 in German just to show I still had a little in me.

Since meeting my new British friend, my eyes have been opened a tad more to faith in other parts of the world.  Oh, I've been on missions and studied missions and have traveled for both ministry and pleasure in several parts of the world.  And I know from both studying and travels about major world religions, as well as how Christianity differs from culture to culture, and how cultures differ due to religious influence.

But a few months ago while I sipped a glass of red and my British friend her drink of choice, pouring our hearts out to one another about everything under the sun, she told me how, from living in America for 30+ years, American Christianity and European Christianity vary greatly...

...not in the Message of God's love for mankind, but in the cultural message, which often muddles the Everlasting Message profanely.

In Europe, at least in Britain, she said the Pub on the corner is where people talk about love and life and ups and downs, you know, kind of like a "small group."  It's not demonized as a place to just get drunk, like "Spring Break '89", but rather a place to open up and share life.  It's like, oh, could we say, church.

A forbidden fruit mentality has been fostered in this nation for 100's of years, setting up bars and alcohol as something to be pursued in anything other than moderation, putting an age on it as if that makes a person mature and responsible, and slapping a party mentality on it.

The funny thing is, over the last year or so I've spent quite a bit of time with women who have reached out, seeking an ear, belly up to a bar.  Women who have been hit by their husband, others controlled "Sleeping With the Enemy" style, divorced, separated, suffocating in loveless marriages, some just crying out to be loved by their workaholic husbands, not the men they originally had fallen in love with...women pouring out their hearts over their dreams for their children, their fears, their own personal dreams and aspirations, and the brokenness of their realities.

And we cry, and stop, and pray, right there, belly up, holding hands, eyes closed, seeking God's direction and healing in every situation.


My dad asked me why I couldn't just go to Village Inn, instead...

...ummmm, gross, I just barfed a little typing "Village Inn".  

I'm not trying to fit a conventional ideal of what a woman who loves God with her whole heart and also happens to be in ministry, looks like.  And, I'm also not trying to shock anyone just for shock value.

I'm actually quite tired of the banter and pleasing and grieved to my core of all the talk ABOUT so many other THINGS within Evangelical "Christianity" rather than THE ONE THING, the only true thing, which is:

God is totally and completely in love with you.  That's all.

I don't go to Village Inn because it's gross.  I don't even think I'll choose VI when I'm 89.  If a woman asked me to meet there because she wanted to pour her heart into mine, to see if I'd be a listening ear, then of course I'd go to Village Inn...to listen to her heart.

But that's not where these amazing women have asked me to meet them.  They have asked me to meet them at bars, for a drink, where we can just talk.  Can "talking" happen anywhere else?  Duh.

But if I am to embrace my heritage, then I'm guessing some of my Irish, Scotch, German, Swiss, French, and English ancestors likely had church in Pubs, way back when, across the Pond.  And I'd venture to guess their hard-working lives were more authentic and vulnerable than the facades of perfectionism Evangelical "Christianity" has set up here in the "New Country."

And if I'm to truly embrace what it means to lay down my life and follow Christ, to allow my life to be a source of His love poured out, in spite of me, then I also need to embrace the beauty that sometimes women's ministry happens in a bar.

X Does Not Equal Y

"I used to want to fix people, but now I just want to be with them." 

 - Bob Goff, author of "Love Does"
(mandatory must read for the summer...)

Recently I had a conversation with someone who was creating doctrines out of "one-liners," essentially judging the behaviors of others with consequences they saw fitting from the Bible based on one single sentence in Scripture.

X = Y.

This is dangerous business, the doling out of judgments, biases, and "God's" reprimands.  This is what denominations and religions and cults and cliques and exclusive clubs within Christianity have been built on for ages and in more recent years, I personally see it gaining momentum.  A momentum which is building even in light of all the free love and acceptance that's preached on any given Sunday.

This business alone is God's.  Just God's.  God revives hearts.  God's mission is all of us.  God is the miraculous.

How very helpful we must feel to point out the imperfections of others...you know, because God can't see them on His own and all.  And what we have to show others in being right and proving their wrongness will sure teach them and inspire them to want to be more like us...urrr, God, I mean.

Sin is real.  And sin is painful.  And we all sin.  And the truth is, we don't sin exclusively, meaning, it doesn't only affect us, it affects our relationship with God and our loving relationship and connectedness to other humans.  Sin is a big deal.  But not so big that God can't forgive it...and never so big that we can't go to Him and receive renewal in His grace, every day, fresh each morning.

It seems it's only the humans who want to keep pointing out one another's suckiness...

I can think of two specific examples where God gave "X = Y" a swift kick in the pants.  There are tons more, but these two I've been chewing on more recently.

• One is when the super spiritual people of the day approach Jesus and ask him about this blind guy, stating, "Who sinned, the man or his parents, causing him to be born blind?"  The Message answer reads, "Jesus said, 'You’re asking the wrong question. You’re looking for someone to blame. There is no such cause-effect here. Look instead for what God can do. We need to be energetically at work for the One who sent me here, working while the sun shines."
• Another is when the spiritual ones brought to Jesus a woman who had an affair.  They pointed out the laws written stating she should be stoned because of her behavior.  Rocks would hurt.  They would definitely kill her.  I wonder how many of the spiritual ones said stuff like, "Well, she deserves it, I mean, she's the one who had the affair..." And then Jesus said, "The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone."  And then it says, "Hearing that, they walked away, one after another, beginning with the oldest. The woman was left alone."

Then let's just chuck it all.  I mean, pointing fingers and segregating throughout the course of church history has clearly made the world a better place.  Either chuck it all, God, baby, and the bath water, or, better yet, because this has definitely been more effective:  let's surround ourselves with people who believe the exact. same. things. we do and then let's point out all the ways in which everyone else doesn't measure up to what it is we believe.  Yep.  That, for sure, will convey God's supernatural, unconditional love, grace, forgiveness, and Sacrifice to a hurting world.

How is it, then, that we should live?  "'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.’ This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: ‘Love others as well as you love yourself.’  These two commands are pegs; everything in God’s Law and the Prophets hangs from them.” - The Message, Matthew 22:36-40

So then what?  Just love God with all your guts, and love everybody else and yourself as #2?  Is it that simple?  

And yet it's almost excruciating at times, because usually what we hate the most in others and are able to see blatantly in the behavior of others is what we most readily recognize within ourselves.
  
Radical love isn't pointing out one another's shit.  It's walking through it together.

The Tortoise and the Hare

When I think of turtles, images from Eric Carle's books come to mind since I have a toddler and these are on my shelves and in my hands most afternoons before nap time.

If I said the word "turtle" to my husband, I bet you a zillion dollars visions of pecans covered in caramel covered in dark chocolate would immediately come to mind.

We've all read it, had it read to us, envisioned it play by play.  I'm not talking about Eric Carle or nuts and chocolate, but instead, "The Tortoise and the Hare."

Sculpture by Nancy Schon, on display in Boston, MA

And it's funny how in my own life, on different occasions and varying settings, the story of The Tortoise and the Hare keeps crossing my path.

But I've always been a hare.  Good starter.  Up for a challenge.  Fired up energy and especially boastful declarations of certain victory with time to spare.  This mentality is one I've coasted on for years, gleaning past strengths as resource energy, sometimes it working seemingly in my favor.

But pride comes before a fall...and I'm the most prideful of all.

I've applied this hare mentality to losing weight.  I've applied it to prayer.  I've applied it to temporary dietary changes, expecting long term lifestyle changes.  I've applied it to leadership positions and relationships and solving problems and test-taking and studying and college and more things than naught.

Because the turtle was a schlow-mo.  And schlow-mo is lame-o.  It's just so...slow.

photo courtesy npr

But turtle is:

• Intentional
• Determined
• Steadfast
• Diligent
• Faithful
• Enduring
• Consistent
• Disciplined
• Strong
• Focused
• Persistent
• Comfortable to be turtle, pressing on, not too slow but steady as she goes, accomplishing much

Recently while taking a Financial Peace University class, Dave Ramsey said he was having dinner with a billionaire and asked him how he made all his money.  The guy said that everything he ever learned about making money he learned from his favorite book.  Dave got a pen in hand to write down the title and author so he could go get his own copy...because Dave doesn't have enough money?

Anyway, the guy told Dave that he reads the book every chance he gets and loves reading it to his grandkids...

...his favorite book, "The Tortoise and the Hare."

I have a dear friend whose journey has been modeling this very thing to me.  Her blog is called, "The Girl Who Cried Skinny" and her journey is one to stop crying wolf and to press on towards health through diligence and determination, by walking and making healthy food choices, one day at a time.  Inspiring is just the start of a snowball of words which come to mind to encourage and challenge me not only in the area of taking life and health one choice at a time, but allowing that same turtle discipline to flood the other areas of my life, especially in prayer and studying God's word.

Hares are:

• Intense
• High-strung
• Fast
• Jumpy
• Twitchy
• Lean
• Nervous seeming
• Quick
• Agile

Did you know the average life span of a hare is 8 to 12 years?

Did you know the average life span of a tortoise is 100 years?

I don't know about you, but I'm ready to slow down and start living my life with intention...because if I remember the story correctly, the tortoise wins.

God's a gentleman...

...it's only when we are stubborn that He allows us to feel the consequences of our choices...

For anyone who thinks that God is a big meanie, exposing things in our lives that we'd rather have hidden, this has been on my heart and I really want to talk about it...we've all seen it on TV. Preachers, evangelists, public leaders, pastors, politicians, even private citizens...our private lives exposed in a public fashion, at least the choices we think we make in private. None of the choices we make in secret are truly just that...there is no such thing as a secret.

And when we try to keep things hidden in our lives, things that we think would actually shock others because it would reveal our imperfections, our temptations, our deepest, darkest longings, we actually believe that we've 'got it under control.' We've got it together. I am not trying to call anyone out on their sin. We all know that isn't fun! But that's what I'm talking about here...God first gently tugs at our hearts. It's like a gentle tap...you know someone touched your shoulder or called your name, but you turn around and you're alone. He lovingly will tell us privately, through conviction from the Holy Spirit, that something in our life does not line up with His divine plan for us. Sometimes, when we are listening and not too busy trying to perform, we obey His gentle nudge and experience grace and freedom. Too often at this level though, we take the grace for granted. Or, if we don't, we continue to press forward.

If we ignore His gentle nudge, the next one is probably through a friend, family member, or someone else we love and trust that would never want to damage our heart. God allows them to sense something in our life, not even necessarily telling them specifics, just leading them in a certain direction for prayer, and in their obedience, they talk to us, or just ask us how we are doing. Do we answer? Do we just say, "Fine." What do we do with that? Again, it's God nudging our hearts, convicting us of choices that don't benefit us or bring glory to Him, and, because we don't make choices in a vacuum, He's allowed others to pray for us so our eyes are opened. Do we pretend that everything is fine or do we take responsibility for our choices? Do we confide in our friends or do we try to work out our problems on our own, even when God opened the door for them to walk right into it...to walk with us? If we humble ourselves, we repent, admit our weaknesses and imperfections to those people who know we aren't perfect for all obvious reasons, our hearts are restored to God and healing begins to take place. Again, grace. But will our pride for posing as a perfectionist pose a problem?!

We all know how God has gently nudged us. We, the viewers, are the only ones shocked or surprised when TV announces publicly someones secret choices made in private. I guarantee that the party spoken of wasn't shocked in the least. It wasn't the first time God revealed that person's sin to them, but because the person desired it to be private, and God hates sin in our lives and wants it as far away from us as possible, He'll do what it takes to expose it so we can move on and begin living a life of grace, as He designed.

Only the Enemy of our hearts will tell us to hold onto our sins. Only the Devil will tell us that "it's not that big of a deal...everybody has struggles...no one needs to know about this one incidence...you haven't acted on it, you've only just entertained the thoughts...this is our little secret...hold onto that anger, they deserve your wrath...my choices don't affect others...it was only once, twice, 100 times..." Only Satan thinks it's a good idea to try to keep secrets from God. God, however, knows there is no such thing as a secret. He doesn't convict our hearts to be a big meanie or rule maker. He convicts our hearts because He hates sin and knows its effects on our lives, on our souls, in our minds, our spirits. He tells us, gently at first, because He's not shocked by anything we do, nor is He looking to run the other way...that's us...we do that...He's STEADY.

None of us have to experience public exposure of our sins if we are quick to listen to God's many warnings and gentle nudges. God really loves us that much...Do we really think anyone expects us to be perfect? He knows we aren't, that's what the cross was for...

Before my girlfriends and I became friends, I put this out there: "I'm not looking for friendship that is fluffy and shallow. I want you to tell me hard core truth, even if it hurts. That's the only kind of friendship I'm looking for, so if that's what you want, too, great...if not..." I'll admit it weeds it out for itself, but the women in my life that I love and love me in return know better than to blow sunshine at me. Even if it sucks to tell me that I SUCK, I want them to do that so that I can grow, change, seek forgiveness, seek God's will more hotly. Yes, I disappoint. I make poor choices. I hurt feelings. But the more quickly I get on my knees before God and humble myself to the person I have hurt, the more quickly I experience God's grace.

God said He will expose those things that are hidden, He will bring things hidden into the light. His heart behind it is so we can be close to Him...close to the very One Who created us, close to the God of the Universe that loves you more than life itself, therefore allowing His Son to die specifically for you...

Tell God about it...since He already knows...