Around the World...

...in who knows how many days?

Em and I read a book during homeschool last year about a man in his hot air balloon who raced around the world, a race against the clock.  He wanted to beat a record.

What if there were no time frame?

What if the point was just to see God's creativity in His big green earth, learn new cultures, eat new foods, love on people, and take in the beauty in the faces of God's people to the ends of the earth?

I imagine the guy in the balloon who raced around the world missed out on the bigger picture.  Sure, he was the fastest, but did he get to truly experience the trip?

My love continues to grow for a sweet little handsome boy and his family.  They are on an adventure with an unclear time frame. 

Their dream as a family has been to see the world, which is why they named their youngest guy Trek Atlas...and they are living that dream presently in Nicaragua...but it's a bittersweet adventure because Trek has a fatal condition, and of course, they don't know the day he no longer will be on the journey this side of Heaven...

I want you to know I met Jarrett and Chelsea.  This isn't some Internet story for attention from people who don't really exist.  We ate bacon together.  They are as real as it gets :)

I held Trek's sweet little body in my arms on January 12, 2012.  He's a real boy, with captivating eyes, who brings so much joy to his family and anyone who is able to meet him.  And I'm not going to lie, I have a crush on him, for reals! 

Jason is headed to Bangladesh today for his dream job, "To help women and children in 3rd world countries..."  He works for Compassion International and is the ministry director of their Child Survival Program.  After receiving world class care for our son, his eyes were opened to health care throughout the rest of the world and he asked God how he could make a difference. 

However, the reality is even the best care in the world was not enough for our son.  And it isn't for many other children who have incurable diseases, in the first or third world.

Trek Atlas Ingram has one stamp on his passport, thus far.  I'm not sure he'll ever step foot on the soil of Bangladesh, but a Flat Trek will be headed there for the next week with Jason to bring smiles to cute kids and their moms. 

And the reason Jason will be there in the first place is because his own son, who only lived 7 months on this earth, changed his heart and perspective to what really matters:  Loving God without regrets, living life to the fullest, casting off all restraints...not a bucket list of selfish indulgence but a list of living life that has no beginning and is lived out fully until the end, whenever that may be, all for the Glory of God.

Want to help Trek get stamps on his passport?  You don't have to actually GO anywhere, but if you live anywhere other than Maui, Colorado, or Nicaragua, then Trek's never been to your neck of the woods. 

You can get your own Flat Trek with more information here.

You can encourage the family on their Facebook page or on their blogs, here, here, and here.

Thanks for letting me share here about this sweet little guy.  He has really touched my heart and I can't stop praying for him and his family because it's just all too familiar...

Trekking Around the World

Remember this?

It's been a while.  I wouldn't expect you to, but I sure do.  One night, 5 years ago last November, we had gotten some yummy Chinese take-out and were sitting in Noah's room at The Children's Hospital.  As we finished up and started cracking open our fortune cookies, I grabbed one and said, "This one's for Noah."  If you can see in the picture, that's medical tape, the kind that used to keep tubes and crap attached to my sweet boy.  We used it for other things, as you can see.

At the time I remember thinking, "Oh how great it would be if You would heal Noah, God, and we could go all over the world (a lifetime dream of mine) and tell everyone of Your faithfulness, love and power."  This was my initial response to reading, "You will step on the soil of many countries."

It's because I had seen myself with a grown son...remember?  And so I naturally thought it was Noah...since he was my only son at the time and all.  And Noah did step on the soil of many countries, so to speak, just not physically with his two sweet little feet.  His blog hit every continent before he died, but that wasn't quite what I had been thinking...

Well, fast forward 5 years.  This post isn't about Noah.  It's about how my heart leaps out of my chest every time I see pictures of a sweet mama and her boy, so very much in love, who are on a journey.  It's about how I can't get them out of my mind, not because I want to, but because God continues to put them on my heart, all throughout the day.

I have mentioned him here before, but I'm asking you not to turn away.  I KNOW reading about a kid that is dying is nothing less than gut-wrenching.  It's HARD.  It SUCKS.  It's a volume of books filled with descriptive words that can't really describe the heartache.  I freaking GET IT!  It's why hundreds stopped reading my blog after Noah died.  I understand.  It's not as fun as Pinterest or Facebook or a hundred million other things.

But I'm literally begging you to let your heart pray for Jarrett, Chelsea, Peyton, Conner and Trek, as they set off on a journey of living life to the fullest, one day at a time.

You see, someone close to them contacted me to pray for them...she had read Noah's blog and couldn't stop thinking about some of the similarities.


Here is where my heart is wrecked.  We never wanted Noah to be stuck in a hospital bed his whole freaking life.  That was never our dream for him...but because of a whole hellofalotta reasons, we were stuck.  There were days I dreamed of stealing him out of the hospital and taking him home...but we couldn't because we didn't have home health care at the time.  It was a big mess.  The closest I got to showing him the world was this...whoopdefreakingdo!


Anyway, Chelsea's heart is living out what I wished I could have done with Noah. 


Am I living vicariously through them?  Only the freedom part...I lived all the rest already.

Either way, my heart is crying out for them to RUN, PLAY, LAUGH, CRY, REST, STARE, LISTEN, SING, NUGGLE, SMOOCH, HOLD ON and LET GO all at once. 


I pray for God's love to fill every corner of their lives with such fullness that this time in their lives will ever be etched in their hearts.


I hate what they are going through but if I had it to do over, which I don't wish for, but if I could go back, I'd run like hell out of that hospital and live whatever amount of time I had with my boy, free from the beeps and meds and tubes and tests and pokes and drugs and smells and unknowns. 


I'd run.

I don't despise what we went through, I do have to say, because 5 years later, I'm grateful to at least have the perspective that life is short.  It's time to live, today, right now, to the fullest.  Time and the people in our lives are literally gifts from God for our joy. 


It's time you, or someone you know, stop holding back.


Hug tighter.


Kiss longer.


Stare at your children.


Laugh your ass off.


Play on the floor with your kids.


Tell your husband you love him.

Tell him you are sorry.


Hold hands.


Turn off your freaking television.  Hell, throw the damn thing away.


Forgive.

Stop caring what others think of you.

Trust God sees the bigger picture.  Relinquish the control you think you need to have.


Smile.

Listen.

Play.

Dream.


Live in wonder.

Baby Trek Atlas may not physically touch the soil of many countries in his short life time, but the way he's living with his big brothers and mommy and daddy who adore him...well, he's experiencing more love than many do in a lifetime.  And, if you spend some time reading his mama's blog, I would venture to guess he'll have you looking around, wondering what matters, and making a few changes and tweaks to what is important. 

That's Trek, a 9.5 month old, teaching us a thing or two.  That's him stepping on the soil of many countries...

Life is short.  How will you spend it?

What? Who? When? How? Why?

I've neglected my blog for so long, Blogger made me log in! Listen Blogger, just because I want to hang out with my family and friends, go to the pool, ride bikes, watch the sunsets and snuggle with my kid doesn't mean *you* have to act like *you* don't know me!

Anyway, a lot has happened over the last few weeks. August is always overwhelming for me on an internal responsibility scale. Almost every relative or in-law of mine has an August birthday. My intention for timely cards is always good, but never met with my actions. Throw in several friends, along with wedding anniversaries, as well as remembering special people I loved that have died in August, and we pretty much cover every date of the month. Now August 17th is marked in my heart as the day my last living grandmother went to meet God face to face. My grandma's got along quite nicely on earth, so they are probably hanging out together enjoying God's radiance along with so many other beautiful family and friends. I miss her and am grateful God allowed me to be her granddaughter.

I've been thinking a lot about this lately, death that is, and how whenever someone dies there are always questions. "Why" is always a popular question. It usually pertains to the passers age, or the untimeliness of their death. A lot of people have lost their faith over this question. "Why him?" "Why now?" "Why not so and so?" "If God is so good, why, why, why?"

It's no secret if you've read here long that I no longer fear death. I had for 30 years but sitting every day for 5.5 months in a hospital, staring at the most beautiful boy I had ever laid eyes on, who science would describe as 'living', and then one day literally kneeling on that hospital floor with his lifeless body in my arms, radically changed my view of death. I'm not sure I've been able to articulate it until now, and I'm still not so sure I will be able to, but I'll share some thoughts that have been running through my mind.

Instead of asking the question "Why?", I think what most people are truly struck by is the "How?" or "When?" I think it's fairly safe to say that most people are aware that we are all born and we all die. Some might argue their sweet child didn't have the chance to be born, but I would argue that the moment the sperm and egg became one, birth occurred, and however long you carried your child, there was life inside you. Anyway, this isn't a political post. My point here that I've been pondering is that faith crises often arise not from the fact that we all die, but "How?" or "At what age?"

If we all were assured that at age 96 years and 133 days and 17 hours and 54 minutes and 31 seconds we would die quietly in our sleep, that would be it, at least for most. We'd go about our days...living life to the fullest, but knowing that one day within our last year, it would be over. We would all be given the same amount of time, yet we would all choose to live our lives differently. Or would we? And, in true human fashion, most of us would still try to avoid that final day. Or maybe we'd accept it? Maybe if we knew when and how we were going to die, we'd be at peace with the whole concept of death? But we don't, and so many of us aren't. None of us knows when or how we will die, unless one takes their own life, but even at the beginning of their life, that person didn't know they would make that choice one day.

I personally think people rate death and death experiences, actually believing the lie that some deaths are better than others..."Oh, she died in her sleep. Such a peaceful way to go..." "He was hit by a car. So young! What a tragedy!" "He had been sick for so long. At least he isn't suffering anymore!" "She was in a plane crash, so scary but quick." Torture, famine, drowning, drive-by shooting, suffocation, chronic disease, SIDS...I could name a million diagnoses, a million different ways. Honestly, most people would raise their hand and say, "I'll have an order of old-age, please, hold the aches and suffering. Give me the 96 years, 133 days, 17 hours, 54 minutes, and 31 seconds, and not a minute less!" But that's not reality and that's not how it works. It could have very well worked that way had Adam and Eve not blown it in the Garden, thank you very much! But they blew it and so here we are...earth dwellers who have every right to be offended by death, but we are offended for the wrong reasons.

PEOPLE, GOD DID NOT INTEND FOR US TO DIE! And yet, when people are stuck on the "How?" it happened, they get mad at God. Some modern's have even taken the Enemy of our hearts right out of the equation because, according to them, Satan isn't real. The Devil doesn't exist and Hell isn't a real place. Don't get me started on this mumbo jumbo! Ironic how that is exactly what the Devil himself wants us to believe. That way God's the big meanie and our hearts grow bitter, angry, and eventually calloused towards Him, the very One who designed us to live in His presence. The One who is absolutely in love with us and obviously knows something more than we do that He would provide a way for eternal life through His Son, Jesus Christ, so that we, too, could overcome death. Yet, if we are living in fear of death or angry at God for "Why?" or "How?" or "When?", have we really overcome it?

I personally think it is a tragedy that most people avoid reading the story of Job in the Bible. I mean, yeah, it's a bit of a downer, but I believe God left it in there on purpose. Not to say, "Hey, look what you have to look forward to...life sucks and then you die!" but "You guys, I love you so much! Satan hates your guts and this book is evidence of how low he will go to turn your heart from me. You may not understand it all, but I love you! Just know that I love you and it won't always be like this!"

But "God allowed that horrible thing to happen! How can He be good?!" Yeah, you see the thing that sucks about living on earth is that Satan is real, whether we believe it or not, and because of what transpired in the Garden a heck of a long time ago, he still is working in the earth. HOWEVER, GUESS WHAT?! Something more beautiful happened in another Garden years later that changed death as we know it! You see, since God didn't design us to live outside of His physical presence, our bodies die. God provided a way, instead, through a sacrifice surrendered to in a Garden, literally over blood, sweat and tears, where His very own Son would remove from Satan the power over death. Jesus went on to die a most vivid and tortuous death, but that didn't mean Satan wouldn't try to pull that crap again with us. But it did really piss off the Devil and as a result, he hasn't changed his ways but continues to lie to us, coaxing us to believe that 'God isn't good because He let me have such and such a disease or so and so died at a young age or tragically or etc. etc'.

Jesus' whole message, His whole purpose, was all about life: to the full, eternal, abundant, everlasting. Recorded in Scripture, Jesus only said 'death' a couple of times, but 'life' is recorded throughout His ministry. Yet how many out there allow the idea of death to consume their thoughts and captivate their hearts? There was a reason Jesus said not to worry about tomorrow but to live one day at a time. There was a reason He said, "I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life. I tell you the truth, a time is coming and has how come when the dead will hear the voice of the Son of God and those who hear will live." John 5:24&25

See, abundant life isn't living in hopes you'll avoid death. Abundant life is living one day at a time to the fullest, enjoying the people around us, building memories, trusting that God is who He says He is, appreciating the little things and the big things, and graciously accepting that even though we don't understand the "How?" or "Why?", that physical death only looks final to the people still 'living' on earth...but in Heaven, it's just the beginning...and we win because He won and the Devil loses!

Loved it!

I love South Dakota. It gets under your skin. I know a lot of people have their opinions, but if they have never visited then they just don't know that small towns, prairie landscapes, and really wonderful people live there. One of my friends lives in L.A. and wants to move to a small town where the corner diner serves a good cup of coffee, a fried egg, and a piece of buttered toast and the owner knows her name. Those aren't found a lot in L.A. but I know of a couple in Eastern South Dakota. I mean, if it weren't true that SD has a lot to offer, then why did a lot of my friends marry wonderful people from there? And though it's probably different for a native who wants to spread their wings a bit and see the world, I hear a lot make their pilgrimage back 'home' whether to stay or just visit because it's peaceful, beautiful and feels right. Maybe it's because you can't help but feel what 'Pa and Ma and Laura and Mary and Carrie and Grace' felt when they pioneered there. (Yes, memories of sub-zero temps all winter fade when spring arrives, but they don't totally disappear, which is why we haven't moved there...Anyway.)

I had a great trip! I got to see a lot of people I love and now I love a lot of new people, as well! I really enjoyed my time in Sioux Falls with the MOPS group where I shared. The women of this group are wonderful moms with so many different stories. Looking around the room at all their faces made me even more excited to continue to share not only Noah's story and our journey through it, but mainly God's message of hope and love through Jesus Christ. I came home totally inspired and recharged, which does not usually happen after taking a trip. I'm usually a little fried and ready for down time, but meeting these women, as well as connecting with family and old friends, and sharing tears and laughter with them really inspired me! I am sure when people hear that a woman who lost her little boy is coming to speak to a group, they envision sadness and tears, and frankly, aren't too excited about the prospect of listening to something so sad. However, I really feel like God has given me a lot of grace to be able to share our story with hope, total honesty, and real joy. That's why I know it's God and not me.

MOPS, http://www.mops.org/ stands for Mothers of Preschoolers. It's a great group that meets in many cities, maybe even yours, to provide an opportunity to connect with other moms in the same stage of life as you. I love the way it's set up because they have mentors for each table of 6-8 or so. Mentoring is one of my favorite things, so the structure of their organization is something I appreciate.

One of the ladies on the steering committee encouraged me to open it up for questions after I shared. I hadn't done that before but loved the opportunity. There was one question in particular that had me thinking long after we all left the meeting. To summarize since my memory is not the best, the woman asked how we worked through this with Emily, how we protected her, essentially. I said something about how kids are way smarter than we are and have a less complicated faith...that accepting that God is good, that He loves us, Heaven is a real and wonderful place, that there are castles, no sickness or disease or sadness, it's God's home and ours, and that we might even get to pet tigers there. As I thought about it later I realized that Heaven and the knowledge of Heaven is not something to protect our kids from, which means death is a topic that cannot remain taboo. If we really believe God is not a liar, that His word is true and that Christ literally endured the cross for the joy set before Him and to make a way for all who believe, then the main thing to protect our children from is the fear of death.

Imagine if the next generation, as well as your own, were to be free from the fear of death. It's difficult to do when your perspective is everywhere below eye level. But it's not impossible because with God, all things are possible.

The number of our days

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

Psalm 139:13-16

So I've been thinking lately how worked up I got when the doctors said that Noah was going to die. I thought I believed that God's word was true and that only He could number our days. Unfortunately, I believed it the way I wanted to believe it...I thought that only a few months was no life at all and that since our family has more longevity than we know what to do with, that Noah would live against all odds well into his 90's. Obviously, I didn't believe God's word. I interpreted it for my own use...let me tell you, a lot of churches do. But that's another post...

You see, if I really believe God is the Author of all truth, that there isn't a lying bone in His body, then I must believe that regardless of the standard age expectancy of man, 7 months and 2 days were the "days ordained for me (Noah) were written in your book before one of them came to be."

So, I think about how many people have heard the words, "You have 3 months to live" or "You have stage 1, 2, 3, 4 and have such and such amount of time" or "Your baby has this condition and will not live outside the womb" or "Unless you get a transplanted body part, you won't make it to your next birthday ", etc., etc. I could go on and on. I realize that the physicians are not trying to blow sunshine or give false hope, but my heart here is to encourage anyone reading that humans are not God and have not ordained any one persons number of days. What I am saying, though, is that God will sometimes use humans to 'enlighten' us to a general time frame. What we do with that information is really up to us...

I'm having a hard time getting across what has been on my heart, but flow with me here...I have met, or known of, many people who have been told that their life was going to end in such and such amount of time. For the most part, they find a renewed sense of hope, even in their grief, and reason for living than they had been experiencing doing the daily grind up until that point. All of a sudden, the life they thought was so great and valuable actually has value...it's actually a treasured life to live instead of one to endure. Things that were important take on new meaning. Life changes. Perspective is altered. Because of those, I have been inspired. For others, however, despair sets in. The reality of death is paralyzing. "No, I don't want to die!" "I don't want so and so to die!" The one absolute in life, death, is knocking at one's door and most would try to do anything to keep it at bay. Except He ordains our days...

I, for one, have lived too many days without eternal perspective. Jesus said He was coming back soon. Granted, that was over 2000 years ago so some might not be in the habit of waiting for His glorious return. Life has gone on and people are busy...But, if God were to say that on such and such a day He was returning in all His glory, how might you live?

The reality is, all our days are ordained. God has said He is returning on such and such a day but we have not yet been informed of it. As a result, we get comfortable. I get comfortable. "Oh, surely that won't happen in my lifetime" or "I don't know when Jesus is coming back, so I have time to do such and such..." Imagine what your life would look like if you only had X amount of days...Imagine. God has blessed us each with gifts and talents, resources and passions. We do only have X amount of days.

Imagine what our lives could look like if we lived like they weren't our lives at all...